Chip Ceasar and the Secret Road to China

Browser lacks capabilities required to play.

Upgrade or switch to another browser.

Loading…

<<cacheaudio "theme" "sound/ChinaSecretRoad_viola.mp3">> <<audio "theme" play>> <img src="img/chip_title_picture.png" /> <div align="center" id="maintitle"> CHIP CEASAR & THE SECRET ROAD TO CHINA </div> <div align="center" id="authorname"> By Justin Foy </div> [[Get The Preface and Game Instructions]] [[Forget the preface, and forget about the rules, I'm ready to rock!|Start]] [[About The Author]]

<img src="img/sd_img/jfoychipface.jpg" /> You are the one and only Chip Ceasar. You are the world's most infamous B-Grade Movie Maker. No matter the budget (from zero to 10 million bucks) your movies are mostly the same: Really Big and really Bad. A little sexy and a little cheezy, but darn-right entertaining. You find yourself on a train to Winooski, Washington, as you have been tasked by your Executive Producer John Panda Jr, to find The Secret Road To China. It's going to be a big task, so you think it's time for another drink, or maybe a nap before the big adventure starts. [[Drink|DRINK]] [[Rest|REST]] [[Get to work, skip ahead, and Open your laptop|Go Get Your Laptop]]

<img src="img/sd_img/be26a49787ad40e391a94b82081b9aec.png" /> Your dream shows you a man in a wooden wheelchair wheel into the FOREGROUND in front of an old school coal mine. "Oh God, no!!! The children. What have I done?" the man in the wooden wheelchair screams! "LOOK OUT!" JOHN SHATFIELD, you know the person's name somehow. Suddenly, BIG ANDY MCROY, a giant fat hillbilly, runs away from the shaft as fast as he can. Chinese Slaves begin to file INTO the coal mine. BOOM a massive EXPLOSION occurs. The coal mine shaft is in ruings, leaving the Chinese Slaves buried alive, FOREVER. Terror siezes your soul, as you try to awake from the remains of a terrible nightmare. Or was it a daymare? You think of horses, they are also mares... You force jump yourself awake and out of bed. [[You Awake]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4c21f2b14ff847679b86f995b87f20ed.png" /> The bustle of the train shakes the passenger car, and startles you awake. Coughing, and hacking out the years of explorers gruff and grime that comes from a good night's sleep, you touch your face and body, reorienting yourself with your personhood and immediate suroundings. You are Chip Caesar. You are still you. The world's greatest Anthro Pro Lophotographist. You shake off the nightmare and you pull out your Adventurer's log: "Project 123456789, another project, another puzzle, another page out of the historic life of Chip Caesar," you remind yourself in the best bravado one can in his own mind. [[Next|Awake2]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c7b10240a2f4030b8a9f6d6f906fd20.png" /> Seated in the pasanger car of the train headed to Winooskiski, Washingtonia via Seattleisco straight from Hollywoodville, you thumb through your cellphone, admiring all the movie pictures and selfies from adventures in times past. You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/958a895048ba45c9abaac1bb92bdabaa.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a0be29af0dd3433088fe0528f4bf2b9e.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/50cb30290ac144e284cd597d9aa04678.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ffa138fd25ad490f9bb84b951f9c32d2.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8ed37be07c4c463c8f15c1b42343c925.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2ec48bfdeb414a9a8ebcc31cbfb84865.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/16aa8d13ea644cf18d26afa48c4a245c.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/dd7ba6448513451ebe22debbd716985b.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/154c1c1210ba4c5188f4366c69002437.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/EDIT650c7542c5dd4cb1aeeedaae31942c8e.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR THE MERCHANT MARINE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR AND THE BRIDE OF SASQUATCH]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a6e05fedba0642ffa27a93c679ff1d74.png" /> Okay, okay, okay, you've checked out all your old stories and got bored. Well, so did your audiencences but nobody tells you that to your face. You've been on this train for quite some time now and are beginning to get antsy. You Decide To: [[Go To The Bar Car]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]] [[Skip all the pleasantries and just sleep until you arrive in Winooski]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2bfe83adf710413c881182c5f2d6ff3b.png" /> "Garcon!" You shout as you stumble into the Bar Car. "I would like a drink sir!" "Whatchya drinkin?" You say, ... [[A Chopin Martini with an Olive, straight up.]] [[A Cold Beer, please, Let's get wierd!]] [[Apple Juice, I'm a little girly man.]] [[Vodka Tonic, Double Lime Double Lemon]] [[Water, just, water, bottled preferably]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c65a20d7181d4a21879ecbfc5e39c467.png" /> You reach up and open your personal compartment. You grab your things, including your ancient Peruvian leather carry on bag (you know, the one given to you by Bugsy Copperstone during the search for The Big Spider deep in the secret underground megolithic structures of the Peruvian jungle). Your bag contains your clothes, all your fedora hats, shoes for every occassion, a bunch of computer gear, a video camera, a gun, a set of keys and your laptop. After double checking that the gun was properly locked, you grab your laptop and return to your seat. [[Open Your Laptop]] [[Go To The Bar Car]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]] [[Skip all the pleasantries and just sleep until you arrive in Winooski]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3f197d19de0b4b0283773a2d0e98bb9b.png" /> You open the manilla envelope and pull out a picture of one Jason Shrockter, a goofy looking man child with greasy hair. He will be your point of contact, and is your employer John Panda JR's nephew. You pull out various pictures of: CHINESE SLAVES, COAL MINES, RAILROADS, a CLOCK TOWER, PEOPLE, NEWS CLIPPINGS, and a picture of a HOT CHICK in lingerie. You look around, and then stuff the picture into your pocket for later. You finger through the details of the mission and remember you were supposed to contact John Panda Jr via a Video-Conference-Call at exactly 1700 hours. [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Go To The Bar Car]]

<img src="img/sd_img/6d7e0eeaf99a46f2b7f8787bb2f4abfe.png" /> Standing up to walk around feels good, as you cruise the aisles for hot chicks (one of your favorite pass times). You see that woman right there? Sitting all alone, wearing two or three extra layers of clothing? Hiding the extra curves. You could have her if you wanted. She's alone, and scared, and you could be with her. You like your women like you like your suits: Double Breasted! Unfortunately, before you could make your move, an even heavier set man sits down next to her, foiling your plan for some quick squeezing. After cruising around trying your skills at every chick in sight, you strike out on all occasions. You go back to your seat and think about getting down to business. [[Next|Go Get Your Laptop]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2a1deb68ec9c4cfb815aec623c01640e.png" /> You introduce your video arrival with no response. Panda Jr is still on another call and lifts his finger to silence you for a moment. John Panda Jr. always claimed that his Father, John Panda Sr., was responsible for naming the actual Panda Bear, during a hunting expedition held by President Groovesevelt, Chairman Mao Ling, and the Hunting Organization For Fuzzy Animals, commonly known as: H.O.F.F.A. Although it is true that Panda Sr. did die at the hands of the bear, in a brutal scene of when Panda bears attack; no one really knows if his story is true. No one really knows if anything he says is true, and no one, except for YOU, has the balls to call him on it. [[Say Hi Again|Panda Story Follow 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/41892716b32643958b4da7c4794d9b79.png" /> You say hi, again. John Panda Jr. quickly spins back towards the desk and leans into his poorly mounted webcam. A fleet of various embedded video pop-ups scale on your laptop screen via video-conference. You can see the entire TEAM of Panda Industries Adventureres just like you, on the line, awaiting instructions. [[Quickly address Nancy, and tell her how ravishing she is.]] [[Point out that Richard had been fired.]] [[Ask what's up to Kent Sweetwater, that ol son of a bitch.]] [[Show Everyone you have the map to the Big Spider]] [[Ask Panda about your new assignment.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e562f30a93a444fe9e8a8f6e5322e62b.png" /> "Nancy!" You say a little bit too loudly and eagarly. "Yes, Chip." Nancy responds gingerly. "Call my wife and tell her to cancel dinner... I'll be working late tonight." "Okay, Chip." "Oh, and Nancy?" "Yes, Chip." "Then give yourself a call... We're going out tonight." Everybody laughs, including Nancy that ol Brit' with the incredible fun bags. "You wouldn't know what to do with it, if you had it Mr. Chip Caesar." Panda jumps in, "Alright, enough you two, Chip what do you got for me?" [[Mr. Panda, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?]] [[Konichiwa, Mr. Panda! How was Osaka, Japan, sir?]] [[Everyone, shut up, I want to go first, I deserve to go first, so please, everyone, I'm Chip Caesar, and you're not, so I get to go first.]] [[Ask what's up to Kent Sweetwater, that ol son of a bitch.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/dfb4a0c379cf4e2b8e178e4eb05879aa.png" /> "Richard! What the heck are you doing here?" You say, pointing Richard out for the snake that he is. "What's the word on Bin Laden, Hoffa, and the Lochness Monster, for goodness sake?!" Richard squirms in his desk chair and makes a funny squinched up face in front of his web cam. "They're dead, Chip, what do you want from me?" Panda Jr. jumps in the conversation, "Prove it! I want to see a body. The American people will love me for it. Richard! Didn't I fire you, Richard?" Richard shakes his head, "No, sir." "Well get the frig out of here, Dick! You're fired." Panda exclaims emphatically. "Chip!!!?" Panda askses. You say, [[Mr. Panda, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?]] [[Konichiwa, Mr. Panda! How was Osaka, Japan, sir?]] [[Everyone, shut up, I want to go first, I deserve to go first, so please, everyone, I'm Chip Caesar, and you're not, so I get to go first.]] [[Ask what's up to Kent Sweetwater, that ol son of a bitch.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a208a928d4924162975c0f3179a58aa3.png" /> "Kent Sweetwater, you old son of a gun! How the heck are ya?!" You ask your old college buddy. Those were the great days, back when nobody was famous, nobody cared about money, just drinking and whoring and gamblin and painting the town gold; Golden Asteroids that is! The intercom BEEPS as Kent Sweetwater is recording live in a Helicopter somewhere in Balize searching for a rare crop of ... pine trees, yeah, pine trees (wink wink). (filtered canned audio)"Yes, that's right my ol friend Chip Ceasar, Kent Sweetwater is on the line." PANDA jumps in excited, "KENT SWEETWATER, that ruthless son –of–a ..., I love it! Can you hear us?" (Kent's filtered canned audio) "Panda! Yes sir, It's me Sweetwater." "What do you got for me, Kent?" (filtered) "It's incredible! You we're right! Asteroids made of solid gold?! I never thought it could be true." PANDA responds, "Of course I was right. You haven't told anyone else, have you? [[NEXT|GoldenAsteroids1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/969fd106db12445ebf85a81e1e9a6ba8.png" /> You shock everyone and unroll the old map infront of your laptop camera. PANDA roars, "The map to the Big Spider! Job well done, Chip! Job well done! Hitler would have given his right arm for this. Do you know how much this thing is worth?" Panda CLAPS his hands in excitement. "Suppose you're a honey bee, Chip! Buzzing around in a flowery field of golden dandelions, looking for just the right flower to pollinate… Then WHAM! Not knowing any better, you fly smack dab in the middle of a sticky spider's web, trapped, to your death, inside of a virtual force-field." Panda stands and begins to pace in front of his desk, appearing and dissapearing and reappering in front of his poorly mounted webcam. "Now, take for one moment the proportionality of the size and speed to which these creatures dwell, and then multiply it a MILLION times. The webbing spun from the Big Spider could stop a jet headed Mach 3 dead in its tracks!" Panda animates his story with a PENCIL PLANE TOY as He MIMICS the NOISES of the plane and smashes it. [[Next|BigSpiderBounce]]

<img src="img/sd_img/jfoychipface.jpg" /> You decide to jump right in, and ask John Panda Jr. the details of your new assignment. You say, "... [[Mr. Panda, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?]] [[Konichiwa, Mr. Panda! How was Osaka, Japan, sir?]] [[Everyone, shut up, I want to go first, I deserve to go first, so please, everyone, I'm Chip Caesar, and you're not, so I get to go first.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/78acaf79c89640e99f5fbcf7f39f0d5e.png" /> Panda claps his hands in excitment and spouts off, "20,370 cords of wood, based on the 120 year life-span of a woodchuck. Great! Wonderful! I love it!" Panda calms down a bit and gets real serious. "I haven't always been an honest man, Chip. You know that, you know that. Perhaps I'm not even being honest right now. But your next task is of great importance to me and my family, Chip." Panda rolls on, "It's my sister Carol's son, kind of a freak. He keeps on coming up with...these outlandish ideas, ideas, IDEAS that need funding, Chip! And because I'm the rich Uncle, who do you think he comes to? He wants to make movies, Chip. MOVIES! Ever since he saw [[Chip Caesar and The Mendosa Replicas]] it's been nothing but HELL! "Damn Mendoza Replica's," you say. [[Continue to listen to John Panda Jr|Panda Cont 1]] [[Ask what's up to Kent Sweetwater, that ol son of a bitch.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/78acaf79c89640e99f5fbcf7f39f0d5e.png" /> Panda laughs and says, "oh yes, Osaka, Japan. Home of Karaoke and pointy nipples. Or was that Karate and tiny peoples?" Panda calms down a bit and gets real serious. "I haven't always been an honest man, Chip. You know that, you know that. Perhaps I'm not even being honest right now. But your next task is of great importance to me and my family, Chip." Panda rolls on, "It's my sister Carol's son, kind of a freak. He keeps on coming up with...these outlandish ideas, ideas, IDEAS that need funding, Chip! And because I'm the rich Uncle, who do you think he comes to? He wants to make movies, Chip. MOVIES! Ever since he saw [[Chip Caesar and The Mendosa Replicas]] it's been nothing but HELL! "Damn Mendoza Replica's," you say. [[Next|Panda Cont 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/78acaf79c89640e99f5fbcf7f39f0d5e.png" /> Panda calms down a bit and gets real serious. "I haven't always been an honest man, Chip. You know that, you know that. Perhaps I'm not even being honest right now. But your next task is of great importance to me and my family, Chip." Panda rolls on, "It's my sister Carol's son, kind of a freak. He keeps on coming up with these outlandish ideas, ideas, IDEAS that need funding, Chip! And because I'm the rich Uncle, who do you think he comes to? He wants to make movies, Chip. MOVIES! Ever since he saw Chip Ceasar and The Mendosa Replicas, it's been nothing but HELL! "Damn Mendoza Replicas," you say. [[Watch Chip Caesar and The Mendosa Replicas|Chip Caesar and The Mendosa Replicas]] [[Continue to Listen to Panda Jr Rant On and On|Panda Cont 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/154c1c1210ba4c5188f4366c69002437.png" /> INT. STUDIO BLUESCREEN SET – DAY You see the TRAILER to Chip's action adventure movie, "The Mendosa Replicas". Your FACE enters the screen. Your head turns towards the camera and ROTATES around, while the acronym M.E.N.D.O.S.A. SUBTITLES ON SCREEN HARD-COPY STYLE. SUBTITLE - "M.E.N.D.O.S.A." A SUPERIMPOSED hand gun appears, ROTATING. CHIP VOICE OVER: "M.E.N.D.O.S.A. Mendosa Replicas: Moving Enormous Numbers of Death Outside the Streets of America." PSA Gunshots blare as the trailer fades to BLACK: [[NEXT|Panda Cont 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/958a895048ba45c9abaac1bb92bdabaa.png" /> Panda interrupts himself, "You want to know an interesting fact, Chip? I've never seen a movie. Not once. Never had time for it. A visual interpretation of reality? It's for daydreamers. And in the world of business, daydreamers are the consumers." You begin to drift off and daydream. Panda frowns, looks at his Father's portrait then the stuffed panda bear to his left, and then takes a deep sigh, "My father was the one who discovered the Panda bear, Chip. It was during a secret hunting expedition with FDR." Panda deadpans on Chip, making sure he is listening. "And ever since then I have spent time in the Amazon. The deep jungle. Using local tribes to locate rare medicines. I've searched high and low, parading the paranormal, the mythical, and the beyond." You smile, nod, and agree. Classic mirroring technique. [[Nod And Smile|Panda cont2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bb8fcffad96245049e8b143b23e9f26b.png" /> Panda points his finger into the tiny camera and says, "Yes Chip, like me, everything I touch turns to Gold!" Panda pauses for beat and returns to his story, "I've killed a man before. Actually it was a BEAR! Wait a minute, maybe it was a dog. No, that's not it! It was a cat. Yes, I tied its legs to a brick and threw it over a bridge, when I was five! But that's not important here, Chip. What's important here is that I have decided to fund my nephew's documentary. His topic of choice intrigues me, Chip. And YOU are going to host it. " Panda claps his hands and stretches them outward into the sky like billboard frame. "Chip Caesar and The Secret Road to China!" Hmmm, it's not a bad idea you think... Every good adventurer has heard of the tale of The Secret Road to China. It's a portal in the ground that goes straight to China. It must not be far off, and you would love to be the one who finds it first. You think to yourself and respond, "... [[Hey ~ John Boy, Boobie! I'm your White Knight! You name the price and I'll find you the prize.]] [[What's in it for Chip Caesar?]] [[No, thanks, I quit. I'm going to retire and spend the rest of my days in Willaby, with my boobsie and cuddle wuddle snuggle until I'm dead|No thanks, I quit]] [[Take Me To The Train Station in Winooski, Washington]]

<img src="img/sd_img/84cc3e9cbb7d489b8acb7a893b7571f3.png" /> You close your laptop and pull out your tape recorder. "Anthro Pro Lophotographist's log: Project 123456789, another project, another puzzle, another page out of the historic life of Chip Caesar. The new adventure: Chip Caesar and The Secret Road to China!" You pull out a business card from the Manilla Envelope. "I was to contact Shrockter via a Video-Conference-Call at exactly 1800 hours while traveling Northbound to the remote border town of Winooskiski, Washington, on the Eastern Railroad." You frown and looks down at your watch, it's 1801 hours. "Ehh, forget it." You think to yourself, "I'll see him when I get off this damn train." You shut those big beautiful eyes, and catch some beauty rest until you've arrived. [[NEXT]]

<img src="img/sd_img/78acaf79c89640e99f5fbcf7f39f0d5e.png" /> Panda calms down a bit and gets real serious. "I haven't always been an honest man, Chip. You know that, you know that. Perhaps I'm not even being honest right now. But your next task is of great importance to me and my family, Chip." Panda rolls on, "It's my sister Carol's son, kind of a freak. He keeps on coming up with...these outlandish ideas, ideas, IDEAS that need funding, Chip! And because I'm the rich Uncle, who do you think he comes to? He wants to make movies, Chip. MOVIES! Ever since he saw [[Chip Caesar and The Mendosa Replicas]] it's been nothing but HELL! [[Next|Panda Cont 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/jfoychipface.jpg" /> You decide to deny yourself and become a true Anthro Pro Lophotographist. A participant observer if you will. Completely unbiased in the pursuit of truth within the art of documentary. You must be able to wear multiple hats. Not real hats, mind you ~ hats of discipline and structure. And this, my friends, was something you were not known for. So, you go back to your seat and think about that terrible vision you had. It's not uncommon for you to have premonitions like this before you start a new mission. You decide to: [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9742695063394ae0928da080853a3d7c.png" /> You are a bit drunk and decide to light up anyway. You are told repeatedly to put it out. Ultimately, you open a window and toss the cig out; but not until you sneak a few drags in and then blow the smoke in the bartenders face. "Thanks alot, Jack!" You are told to go back to your seat and think about that terrible vision you had. It's not uncommon for you to have premonitions like this before you start a new mission. So, You decide to: [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ff34312a364f45ddbf369ea536cb7faf.png" /> You somehow find a way to actually step OFF the train. Of course, you fall to your immediate death, as the train's powerful force has a way of, well, killing you. You're not supposed to step off a moving train. This is NOT Willaby, or is it? [[Title Page]]

You have died. [[Click here to restart|Title Page]]

[img[$src]] YOU somehow find a way to step off the train and fall to your immediate death, as the train's powerful force has a way of, well, killing you. You're not supposed to step off a moving train. [[NEXT|die]]

<img src="img/sd_img/23807752bd0c4652a10e2857231500cc.png" /> KENT responds from his Helicopter headset (filtered)"Most certainly not, sir!" "What about the Russians? Do they know about this?" Panda questions. (filtered) "Russians, sir?" "Never mind, see to it that we get there first, Sweetwater. I don't want to start another cold war over this. Fax me the report right away." Panda hangs up the call on Kent and addresses you. "Chip!" Pand Jr yells at you, You respond, [[Mr. Panda, How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?]] [[Konichiwa, Mr. Panda! How was Osaka, Japan, sir?]] [[Everyone, shut up, I want to go first, I deserve to go first, so please, everyone, I'm Chip Caesar, and you're not, so I get to go first.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/95da8840a6584befacfb233e83491510.png" /> EXT. WINOOSKI, WA - DAY It's a foggy morning as the sun rises and the train rolls into the station. The locals mill about, drinking coffee, hauling in fish nets, etc. You exit the train holding two bags, one in each arm. You check out the small local scene, including the Mt. Peak summit in the distance. There you are, standing in the middle of a train station, one town past B.F.E., one town before hell. You walk through the turnstile. You have two calls to make, one to Jason Shrockter, and one to mother nature. It had been a long train ride, and a short line at the bar. You begin to mess with your cell phone and tuck it in and cross your legs a bit while holding your pee. You turn to look for the bathroom and notice someone is following you closely behind, filming you with a giant shoulder mounted Beta Cam. [[Yell at the Kid|NEXT2]] [[Run to the bathroom first|BATH1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/25e16f285a6944f7bfbe06b22b1f1bf2.png" /> You stop, and snap over your shoulder at the stalker. "Hey, stinky pits. No autographs." Jason Shrockter (from behind the camera) "Hey Chip, it's me, dude. Shrockter." "Shrockter?..." You say with a doubtful look. "What the hell you doing with that damn camera? Following me around, chasing skirts around, skulking in shadows, looking through lenses, watching in windows, put that thing away, you look like a damn peeping Tom." "But I'm getting footage for the documentary." "The only thing you're shooting for right now is footage up your ass, Shrockter." You say, already annoyed by the manchild. [[Listen to Shrockter's response|NEXT3]] [[Pretend to listen to Shrockter's response|NEXT3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e386d809ecd9436a8310af2eb9fdbecf.png" /> Shrockter puts the camera down, and is dissapointed in you already. "How come you didn't video-conference call me?" Shrockter asks sheepishly. You shrug it off, "I couldn't find a wireless repeater." Shrockter responds, "You don't need one of those. Do you have a cell phone?" "Yessss, but I couldn't get any service." you respond. SHROCKTER nods, "Oh, That makes sense." "Why? You sayin' I'm incompetent?" "No, dude!" Shrockter affirms. "Nobody gets service in this town, duh." Shrockter shakes his head and looks away, mumbling, "If you can't figure that out, then you'll never solve anything in the whole universe." You give Shrockter your best deadpan. (squinting) You say, "You got a car, kid?" "Yeah! But I can't drive." Shrockter smiles. Not shocked, you respond, "Good. (Drop luggage) Take my bags, Shrockter... I'm driving." [[Get In The Drivers Seat where you belong!|NEXT4]] [[Let Shrockter Drive]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2684716168284a02badf1f6029cb2a0e.png" /> Upon entering Shrockter's car, you can smell the reasons why you cant stand the mother f'r... You drive away and look out your rear view mirror and see a man in Taxi, watching you through a Newspaper with ONE-EYE-HOLE in it. The man drops the paper, REVEALING A LAZY EYE. The man drives the Taxi and begins to follow you. Then, you notice up ahead, a LIMOUSINE parked in a handicap spot. That's not right you think, when you notice a large male CHINESE LIMO DRIVER using a LARGE SATELLITE PHONE. All the while, Shrockter's voice has drowned out in the background as he tries to explain to you your mission and exactly why you are here. You decide to... [[Avoid Early Confrontation, and Go straight to Shrockter's Studio]] [[Take a series of sharp left turns and try to lose the taxi.]] [[Let the taxi pass you, and then follow the taxi.]] [[Whip several U-Turns and speed after the limo.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/673c429ef8b74b248d72ad338cbee990.png" /> You hit the brakes, and yank on the steering wheel, over and over again drifting into a series of sharp left turns. This manages to lose the taxi from behind you, and send Shrockter to the floor; he was not wearing his seatbelt. "Ahhhh! Help!" Shrockter screams as he can't quite handle the action. You look at him and deadpan. Whether you viewed him as a Metamorphosis of some sort of sub–human perpetual liar, or as a genius of man-child proportions - You had to feel sorry for the freak. And that's exactly what he was, a freak! A freak who would gladly slit your throat, if you turned your back on him. "Okay Shrockter. I can tell that you are unwilling to cooperate, which tells me a lot about your character. So why don't you give me the low down on this mission and quick!" You say as you straigten out the wheel and come to a screetching halt. [[NEXT|Halt Car Shrockter Story1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a8fb3d1143cf4c87afabcf60d30ef9fd.png" /> You hit the brakes, and yank on the steering wheel, over and over again drifting into a series of U-Turns. This manages to lose the taxi from behind you, and send Shrockter to the floor; he was not wearing his seatbelt. "Ahhhh! Help!" Shrockter screams as he can't quite handle the action. You look at him and deadpan. Whether you viewed him as a metamorphosis of some sort of sub–human perpetual liar, or as a genius of man-child proportions - You had to feel sorry for the freak. And that's exactly what he was, a freak! A freak who would gladly slit your throat, if you turned your back on him. "Okay Shrockter. I can tell that you are unwilling to cooperate, which tells me a lot about your character. So why don't you give me the low down on this mission and quick!" You say as you straigten out the wheel and speed off after the limousine. [[FOLLOW THE LIMO|Limo Chase Shrockter Story1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/40bdc2d7d918405ab2b3331c6295a800.png" /> You hit the brakes, sending the taxi following close behind, crashing into your back bumper. This manages to send Shrockter flying into the dashboard; he was not wearing his seatbelt. "Ahhhh! Help!" Shrockter screams as he crumples to floor. You look at him and deadpan. Whether you viewed him as a Metamorphosis of some sort of sub–human perpetual liar, or as a genius of man-child proportions - You had to feel sorry for the freak. And that's exactly what he was, a freak! A freak who would gladly slit your throat, if you turned your back on him. "Okay Shrockter. I can tell that you are unwilling to cooperate, which tells me a lot about your character. So why don't you give me the low down on this mission and quick! I gotta settlement to make." You say, as you straigten out your custom made fedora hat, and put a brand new whiplash neck brace on around your neck. You manage to do this while looking at your charming self through the rear view mirror and spotting the two men exit the smashed up taxi behind you. [[NEXT|TAXI SMASH Shrockter Story1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5fd426b9c5734ee7bb7f78cdb4c97045.png" /> Shrockter grabs his stomach and begins to feel nauseous from all the u-turn spins. He puts his hand up and grabs a bucket from the back seat and pukes into it. "Ah geez, Shrockter, gross!" You say as he just tosses the bucket out the window. Shrockter begins to talk real fast, as he tries to tell you the backstory of the misssion and The Secret Road to China. "Okay, it's like the movie Willzy Wonksy, only this time it's real! This town is cursed, and no one can leave." [[Keep following the limo|Limo Chase Shrockter Story2]] [[Skip Shrockter's prose and chase the Limo|Limo Chase Shrockter Story3]] [[Double-Back and go to Shrockter's Studio and begin the investigation|Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]]

<img src="img/sd_img/67cc4fa32d6b4940ba84b65c10ba043b.png" /> You make a sharp turn as you can now start to see the limo ahead of you turn up the hill. Of course this makes you laugh as you slam shrockter against the door again. "Okay wait," You say, "Oompsie Doopsie's? Neverlasting GoPoppers? Wizzy Sifting drinks? Are you mad?" You wonder if this could all be true, or if you were just being duped by the mind of a man-child. Shrockter responds, "Yeah, that's why I had you come in on the train. I mean (he rolls his eyes) there are ways around things. People can leave, but they always come back." "What, or, who caused this Willywonkian curse of nobody ever comes in, nobody ever comes out?" "The Shatfield's. THAT's his limosene! Hi Family killed the Chinese slaves in the caol mines,years ago. But no one has ever confronted them about it." Shrockter responds. You think back to your crazy nightmare of those Chinese slaves exloding in the coal mine. Your premonitions looked to have served you well once again. [[NEXT|Limo Chase Shrockter Story3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/137cb528d3084bec8040f52527d2fe2e.png" /> Shrockter interrupts your thought and says, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story!" Footage? Proof? You wonder and turn your full attention to Shrockter while still managing to speed after and gain ground on the limo ahead of you. "Shatfield's? McRoy's? What do you know about those inbreeds, aren't they famous for hating eac other?" You ask. "I told you, it's all back at the studio. That's why you are here!" Shrockter says, choking back a little baby burp up of vomit. "If you go back to the studio with me, I can PROVE IT ALL!" You think long and hard. Well, not THAT long and hard. It could be dangerous to chase a limosene up to a scary looking castle. IF Shrockter is right, you could capture this little punk right now and be done with it. But, If Shrockter is wrong, you will need to investigate further to get to the truth. Or you could jepordize the entire case, and ofcourse, you could die. So, You decide to: [[Continue the chase, and drive to the top of Castle Mansion]] [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Use your incredible super human srength and get out of the car and climb the mountain by hand]] [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/855ed8db1df1402391aa7624f12faa7e.png" /> You decide to carry on with your ravishing decision making skills and trust your gut. There is no time better than now and you race after the limo and Crazy Mike Shatfield. THUNDER and LIGHTNING FLASH over the top of our peculiar looking castle set high above the landscape, overlooking the city of Winooskiski, WA. The Limo pulls up the long and twisted driveway, as you follow close behind. From INSIDE the limo (Fashioned to the likes of DR. CLAWSY from Detective Gradget), we see the hand of Crazy Mike Shatfield slice up some fruit cake with his long and curled pinky fingernail. The Limo Driver peers through the rear view mirror and says, "Is that good, fruit cake?" "What did you just call me? You're the fruit cake, Mr. fruit cake." Crazy Mike snarks back. The Limo Driver jolts his head around and looks out the window. He can notices headlights climbing up the mountain road. "Sir, he's coming." Crazy Mike smashes the fruit cake, "Damn that Chip Ceasar!" Crazy mike presses the close driver window button and begins to laugh. "Take me inside, and bring him to me." [[Continue to follow the Limo|The Shatfield Castle]] [[Change your mind and Go Back to Shrockter's Studio|Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Screw that! Try to solve this as quick as possible so you can go drink at the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/55b143c0038346098b660bcbb8f8c65d.png" /> INT. SHROCKTER STUDIO LOBBY - CONTINUOUS TIME We PUSH DOWN the staircase to see Chip and Shrockter enter the brick building. You stop mid staircase and turn to look down the steps where Shrockter is really struggling to carry all of your luggage. You yell at Shrockter, "C'mon, Shrockter, pick up the pace kid. Remember: Make progress everyday." Suddenly, in a flash of what seemed to be blarring white light, MARTY CAMPBELL, enters and stands atop the stairs. She is a real spectacular red headed beauty. She is tall and big boobed. Happy looking, but with an all business demeanor. Wind blows her hair to and fro, as you and Shrockter converge at the middle of the staircase in awe of her beauty. Making eye contact with the gorgeous woman, you... [[You put your arm around Shrockter, and say, You know this fine young woman, Shrockter?]] [[You Introduce yourself with a sexy brovado and say, Hey baby, I'm Chip Caesar, you want to go get a margarita or somethin?]] [[Just continue to stare with your mouth wide open like a dumb ass]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5fd426b9c5734ee7bb7f78cdb4c97045.png" /> Shrockter grabs his stomach and begins to feel nauseous from all the left spins. He puts his hand up and grabs a bucket from the back seat and pukes into it. "Ah geez, Shrockter, gross!" You say as he just tosses the bucket out the window. Shrockter begins to talk real fast, as he tries to tell you the backstory of the misssion and The Secret Road to China. "Okay, it's like the movie Willzy Wonksy, only this time it's real! This town is cursed, and no one can leave." [[NEXT|Halt Shrockter Story2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5fd426b9c5734ee7bb7f78cdb4c97045.png" /> Shrockter grabs his stomach and begins to feel nauseous from the impact. He puts his hand up and grabs a bucket from the back seat and pukes into it. "Ah geez, Shrockter, gross!" You say as he just tosses the bucket out the window. Shrockter is completely fine and begins to talk real fast, as he tries to tell you the backstory of the misssion and The Secret Road to China. "Okay, it's like the movie Willzy Wonksy, only this time it's real! This town is cursed, and no one can leave." [[Follow Taxi|TAXISMASH Shrockter Story2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/67cc4fa32d6b4940ba84b65c10ba043b.png" /> You stop from opening the car door and turn your attention to Shrockter. "Okay wait," You say, "Oompsie Doopsie's? Neverlasting GoPoppers? Wizzy Sifting drinks? Are you mad?" You wonder if this could all be true, or if you were just being duped by the mind of a man-child. Shrockter responds, "Yeah, that's why I had you come in on the train. I mean (he rolls his eyes) there are ways around things. People can leave, but they always come back." "What, or, who caused this Willywonkian curse of nobody ever comes in, nobody ever comes out?" "We suspect it's from the Chinese slaves who died in the mines, but no one knows for sure." Shrockter responds, grabbing his stomach again. "No one really knows whether or not curses even exist in the first place, Shrockter!" You respond, thinking back to your crazy nightmare of those Chinese slaves exloding in the mine. Your premonitions looked to have served you well once again. [[NEXT|TAXISMASH Shrockter Story3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/137cb528d3084bec8040f52527d2fe2e.png" /> Intense now, Shrockter says, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story!" Footage? Proof? You wonder and turn your full attention to Shrockter while still managing to speed after and gain ground on the limo ahead of you. "Shatfield's? McRoy's? What do you know about those inbreeds?" You ask. "I told you, it's all back at the studio. That's why you are here!" Shrockter says, choking back a little baby burp up of vomit. "If you go back to the studio with me, I can show you. Those guys in the taxi are some of the most dangerous men in Winooski." You think long and hard as the two men begin to approach the van. You don't have much time and it could be a dangerous decision to face these men, with just you and little Shrockterita here. If Shrockter is right, you could outwit this megolithic brute right now and be done with it. If Shrockter is wrong, you will need to investigate further to get to the truth and get the heck out of there! You decide to: [[Try to outsmart Mingo, and put a neck brace around your collar.]] [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]]

<img src="img/sd_img/656fd45e4d9a4856bf3db5f5d8db1038.png" /> You tumble out of the van and grab your neck, yelling, "Oh God my neck! Whiplash, whiplash, WHIPLAAAASH!" You're such an over actor. My goodness that was pathetic. With your arms flailing and gigantic grasps for air, the two men stop and blankly stare at you. "I can't breathe in this thing," You say as you rip the neck brace off, and truly gasp for some air. Mingo opens his big hillbilly mouth and offers you a cigarette. "You need a cig, Jack?" You say, "Yeah, I'll take a Jack Cig." You take the cig and say, "You gotta light, Jack?" Mingo raises his hands and backs off a bit, "No, but I gotta jack, light... If you know what I mean." You deadpan, "Mingo McCroy, I presume." [[NEXT|MEET MINGO]]

<img src="img/sd_img/40bdc2d7d918405ab2b3331c6295a800.png" /> The taxi stops, as a bunch of hillbillies assemble behind Mingo McCoy. With his lazy eye, missin tooth, and gigantic biceps, Mingo stretches his arms and whistles out a command, "Misses McCroy, assemble." The clan quickly assembles behind thier leader, each wielding a different farm tool as weapons. "How'd you know my name, Chip Caesar?" Mingo resounds. "How'd you know mine?" You answer with an answer. "What?" Mingo says raising hisbrass knuckles. "I asked you first!" You give him the brovado saying, "Well, by the looks of ya, and the smell of your drunken breath, I took ya for a man who had been kicked to the side, marginalized, and spat out of the social infrastructure. Obviously in-bred. A classic case of victimization. A man slave. You've been walking around, toasting the town. Acting like you're caught between the moon and New York city. And of course, you're wearing a name tag." Mingo looks down at his coveralls, revealing his name tag. "Oh... that." [[NEXT|MeetMingo 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bbc082e3bdd6484d8da609dfc025e623.png" /> "That's a patch!" One family member says. "It's embroidered." Another stutters. "YEAH! And don't call him Mr. McRoy, neither." One retorts. "YEAH!" Another one agrees. "That's our Great Grandpappy's name." A littler one chimes in. "(softly) Big Andy McRoy." They all say in unison very quietly. Mingo takes out an axe. "WHAT?!" Mingo walks up to you, smiles and extends his hand. You go to grab it but he keeps missing the handshake and softly points to his lazy eye and says, "Sorry, lazy eye." "I'm Flamingo McRoy. People call me Mingo." Mingo pats you on the back. [[Demand answers, Pull out your gun and fire it into the air]] [[Be Serious and Meet Mingo|MeetMingo 3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8855518026574abd95896f7816d78c3f.png" /> "So tell me, Mingo, why have you been stalking me?" You ask sincerely. "I can help you," Mingo replies, "if you'll help me?" "What can you do for me, Mingo?" You say, not completely trusting him. "WHAT?! You wanna know about crazy Mike Shatfield, don't ya? The little China Doll boy who flipped you off back there." "Damn that kid," you think. "Do you know him? Do you know where he lives? Do you know where his parents live?" MINGO says, "Do I know him? Crazy is as crazy does." "He grew up across from the Shatfield's." A family member chimes in. "He sat across from him on the bus." "He had a locker across the hall from him." "They were on opposing lacrosse teams." "Intravenously, of course." Mingo adds. "Of course." You agree in turn. "Hell, it seems like we we're always crossing paths." Mingo summarizes. "Then I found out them damn Shatfield's double crossed me and my family, years back. And now they're all dead! Except for Crazy Mike. I should have seen it coming... But..." Mingo points to his lazy eye. [[NEXT|MINGO EXPLAINS BACKSTORY1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/503efc35f66b4a15968b509d5f25cc66.png" /> "Were you talking to me, or the camera?" You mention as we see Shrockter has begun filming the documentary. "I was talking to the both of ya's." Mingo says. "Crazy Mike Shatfield is the last of a generation of thieves, my friend. These Shatfield's wouldn't have accomplished nothing if it wasn't for my Great Grandpappy..." The family CREW whisper in unison,"(softly) Big Andy McRoy." Mingo continues, "(soft)...Big Andy McRoy...Founded this town, a mining town. He found two gold mines in Mt. Shaker, and founded that very coal mine crazy Mike Shatfield claims is his. MINGO Points to the top of the mountain and continues, ""SEE! That coal mine Castle should be... Well, mine! Them Shatfield's and that Eastern Railroad were doin' things that weren't right." Mingo gets sad and quiet. A paranoid Mingo checks his surroundings and continues, "Wicked things, nasty things, scary things.... Making them Asian folk work for days on end without food, water, tobacco, or SEX! And my Great Grandpappy... The McRoy Clan family adds, "(soft voice)Big Andy McRoy... Wouldn't stand for it NO MORE!" [[NEXT|MINGO EXPLAINS BACKSTORY2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/6cf9deb8565845cdbc19226d7d11f16e.png" /> Mingo shouts and then talks softly, mimicking the funny backwoods way the McRoy clan speak. They all shout in unison, "IF it wasn't for them damn Shatfield's the coal mine never would have exploded and our Great Grandpappy (soft) 'Big Andy McRoy' never woulda' died. Mingo add on, "There would be no Crazy Mike Shatfield, and there certainly wouldn't be no curse on this god forsaken land." Mingo's eyes seem to cross even more as he gets real intense, "I'm Mingo McRoy and I'm talking to you, Chip Caesar! Avenge the family name. Restore the property lines and break this curse upheld by the Shatfield's and the war mongering Masons. Bring justice to these people. I deploy you to avenge us!" Trying not to look directly at MINGO'S LAZY EYES LOOKING BOTH WAYS, you decide to, ... [[Level with the Simpleton, and ask Mingo exactly what he wants you to do.]] [[Try to slap Mingo on the back and see if that will straighten his eyes out.]] [[Sugar coat the situation and see if he'll settle for a few autographed head shots.]] [[Assure him, Shrockter and you will get to the bottom of it, and say goodbye.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c796f490f27b4562a7fa9b176714c3a4.png" /> "What exactly can I do for you, Mingo?" You ask, keeping calm - - leveling the situation with the McRoy's. One of the clan members yells out, "Let's go kill the S.O.B." This is met with cheers from the gang. Another one says, "Let's go to the Po-Po." The entire gang boo's the option and take turns punching the dissadent. Mingo says, "No, the authorities can't be trusted, Crazy Mike owns this town. Chip should go to the Shatfield Castle Mansion and confront Crazy Mike Shatfield himself." Shrockter chimes in and suggests, "Chip, let's go back to my studio, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story! If you go back to the studio with me, I can show you. Right now you're chasing the most dangerous man in Winooskiski, Little Crazy Mike Shatfield. He's the only decendent left of the Shatfield's Coal Mine Company and he's responsible for all of this, I CAN PROVE IT!" You think long and hard as look to see the lone Castle Mansion atop the spiraling hill above the cityscape. It could be a dangerous chase with unkown consequences. If Shrockter is right, you could gather the proof needed to expose the situation back at the studio. If Shrockter is wrong, you could be working for the wrong team and not even know it. You decide to: [[Continue the chase, and drive to the top of Castle Mansion]] [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Go to the Police, and get a donut.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/74f8a490af5c4c3d96e4e3cea7cf1091.png" /> Thinking back to when your little niece fell down a well and her eyes got crossed (then got kicked in the head by a mule and her eyes straigtened out again), you try to surprise Mingo and run over and slap him real hard on the back. Unfortunately his eyes do not straighten out and the McCroy gang is not too keen with your wiley ways. They all scream and come to Mingo's defense. They all pull out different farm tool weapons and club you to death with them. It's never a good idea to mess with a gang of hillbilly's, let alone smack one oof them on the back without prior consent. You die a failure and nobody loves you. You have died. [[Click here to restart|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/94522237ecb64a9c937d65ae8f92bc89.png" /> "Hey! No worries, Mingo." You say, as you start handing each McCroy clan member a brand new head shot glossy of yourself, complete with a stamped autograph from Chip Caesar himself. "Instead of chasing bad guys, and putting ourselves in danger, let's just all take some memorabelia here and go our seperate ways, knowing, we did everything we could, and remembering how great life is after you've met a celebrity like me." This tactic actually works on a few of the McCroy clan members, as simple folk really love this kind of stuff. One of the clan members rejoices and says, "Wow, this one is from Chip Caesar vs. The Paleo Diet. I hate people like that. Who could live without biscuits and gravy?!" Another agrees, and says, "I got Chip Caesar Is My Little Pony." You try to grab that one back and say, "Oh I'm sorry, that was meant for the girls." But, as you try to get the glossy back from the brute, you are met with resistance. "Heck no! This is my favorite one," the brute says as he rips away and holds the photo close to his chest. Everyone but Mingo and Shrockter is impressed with you. [[NEXT|MINGO Demands]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c796f490f27b4562a7fa9b176714c3a4.png" /> You keep calm and assure Mingo that you and Shrockter will get to the bottom of the situation. One of the clan members yells out, "No, let's go kill the S.O.B. right now!" This is met with cheers from the gang. Shrockter chimes in and suggests, "No, Chip is right. I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story! If you go back to the studio with me, I can show you. Right now you're chasing the most dangerous man in Winooskiski, Little Crazy Mike Shatfield. He's the only decendent left of the Shatfield's Coal Mine Company and he's responsible for all of this, I CAN PROVE IT!" Mingo says, "Fine, go prove it. But remember," Mingo points to his lazy crooked eye, "I'll be watching you!" You think long and hard as look to see the lone Castle Mansion atop the spiraling hill above the cityscape. It could be a dangerous chase with unkown consequences. If Shrockter is right, you could gather the proof needed to expose the situation back at the studio. If Shrockter is wrong, you could be working for the wrong team and not even know it. You decide to: [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Continue the chase, and drive to the top of Castle Mansion]]

<img src="img/sd_img/045455fd433f42dbbb1de4cd8e44b16e.png" /> You drive Shrockter's van up the winding driveway to an anciently Chinese built CASTLE. The castle sits atop the highest peak in the county and overlooks the entire city of Winooskiski. The driveway follows the crest of a very steep cliffside and has no guard rails. Lightning and thunger and a storm of rain begins to crash down on the entire scene. As you make your final approach, you notice the limousene parked in front of the Castle round-a-bout and decide to: [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!]] [[Hit the gas, and crash right into the front door!]] [[Stop the van, and tell Shrockter to get out, and sneak up from behind.]] [[Drive up normally and simply knock on the door.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/137cb528d3084bec8040f52527d2fe2e.png" /> Intense now, Shrockter interupts you and says, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story!" Footage? Proof? You wonder and turn your full attention to Shrockter. "Shatfield's? McRoy's? What do you know about those inbreeds?" "I told you, it's all back at the studio. That's why you are here!" Shrockter chokes back a little baby burp up of vomit before continuing. "If you go back to the studio with me,s, I CAN PROVE that Crazy Mike Shatfield is responsible for all of this!" You think long and hard. If Shrockter is right, then you will need to go to the studio and begin your investigation. If Shrockter is wrong, then you will STILL need to go to the studio and begin your investigation, but then blame him for everything later. So, you decide to: [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Drive to Vegas and forget about mysteries for awhile]]

<img src="img/sd_img/67cc4fa32d6b4940ba84b65c10ba043b.png" /> "Okay wait..." You say, "Oompsie Doopsie's? Neverlasting GoPoppers? Wizzy Sifting drinks? Are you mad?" You wonder if this could all be true, or if you were just being duped by the mind of a man-child. Shrockter responds, "Yeah, that's why I had you come in on the train. I mean (he rolls his eyes) there are ways around things. People can leave, but they always come back." You furl your brow, "What, or, who caused this Willywonkian curse of nobody ever comes in, nobody ever comes out?" "We suspect it's from the Chinese slaves who died in the mines, but no one knows for sure." Shrockter responds, grabbing his stomach again. "No one really knows whether or not curses even exist in the first place, Shrockter!" You respond, thinking back to your crazy nightmare of those Chinese slaves exloding in the mine. Your premonitions looked to have served you well once again. [[NEXT|Halt Shrockter Story3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9717ffac03a74b238f4f806ed1a8e12e.png" /> You decide to go to the authorities for this type of thing. You really aren't the Anthroprolophotographer that you thought you were. The Police are no help, and in fact they arrest you and the entire McCroy clan for obstruction and leaving the scene of an accident. You spend many days in county lock-up, awaiting a small town court hearing in which you get the maximum penalty of 90 days in jail. Panda Jr. wants nothing to do with you or his despite Nephew. The press are going to have a field day with this one. You had no proof of your claims, and your reputation has now been destroyed. The time in jail was harder than you expected and you eventually have to go on a Celebraty Intervention Show just to get your life back on track. Chip Caesar has become a shell of the man he once was, but enjoys a few good days with Gary Buse and Dennis Rodman in North Korea, as you all seek assylum in the rogue state. Ironically enough, you sort of did find The Secret Road to China, but it ended up in North Korea as an isolated rebel where you spend the rest of your days carrying Kim Jong-un's golf clubs, pretending that he has just scored 18 straight hole in one's. Good job. You live, but you live a lie until you die. [[Click here to restart|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c796f490f27b4562a7fa9b176714c3a4.png" /> "What exactly can I do for you, Mingo?" You ask, keeping calm extending a glossy his way. Mingo slaps the photos out of your hand. "No one can be trusted. Not the authorities, they can't be trusted, Crazy Mike owns this town. Not the local press, they've all been bought off. Only you, Chip Caesar can help make this right! Take me to the Shatfield Castle Mansion, and let's confront Crazy Mike together, right now!" Shrockter chimes in and suggests, "Chip, let's go back to my studio, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story! If you go back to the studio with me, I can show you. Right now you're chasing the most dangerous man in Winooskiski, Little Crazy Mike Shatfield. He's the only decendent left of the Shatfield's Coal Mine Company and he's responsible for all of this, I CAN PROVE IT!" You think long and hard as look to see the lone Castle Mansion atop the spiraling hill above the cityscape. It could be a dangerous chase with unkown consequences. If Shrockter is right, you could gather the proof needed to expose the situation back at the studio. If Shrockter is wrong, you could be working for the wrong team and not even know it. You decide to: [[Steal A Car, and Run For It]] [[Listen to Mingo, and drive to the top of Castle Mansion|Continue the chase, and drive to the top of Castle Mansion]] [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Go to the Police, and get a donut.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4d099ce6564f484da4a58767174ae3eb.png" /> You switch OFF the studio Van headlights and subsequently drive right off the cliff. It was a steep cliff with no guard rails. You tumble to your death and die immediatly upon impact. Shrockter suffers, but somehow manages to stay alive (if you call the rest of his life in a wooden wheelchair drinking meals out of a straw, life, then yeah, he made it out okay). [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf0470dcc4634d5e94927354bd2b69c9.png" /> Surveying the situation, you get a wild hair up your Chip Caesar arrs, and floor it! Rocks and mud come kicking up everywhere, as you manage to bypass the round-a-bout fountain, barely graze the limousene and head straight for the Castle front door. Shrockter screams, and you notice he is not wearing his seatbelt. Just as you reach the Castle front door, it opens and you hit the breaks. You yank the wheel so the passenger side takes the brunt of the collosion, ulitmately crashing into the massive entryway. You crumple the pasanger side of the van, and bang your head against the steering wheel a few times. Bleeding and dizzy, most likely enduring a severe concussion, you notice that Shrockter is most certainly dead. Before passing out from the trauma, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. CRAZY MIKE yells out, "Search him!" The Limo Driver searches you and finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2534c8ff23374f65abce9d9b022efa22.png" /> Just as you reach the Castle back door, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. The Back Door OPENS and Crazy Mike Steps through the door. CRAZY MIKE yells out louder than even a loud yell would be,, "He's HERE! Search him!" The Limo Driver comes up from behind, grabs you and searches you. He finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. You say, that's not mine. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, damn you! Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2534c8ff23374f65abce9d9b022efa22.png" /> You are Chip Ceaser, you are not afraid or intimidated by anything. You follow the limo up to the front door and patiently park and walk to the front door. Just as you reach the Castle front door, it opens and you hit the brakes. As you approach, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. CRAZY MIKE steps out of the doorway and yells out, "Search him!" The Limo Driver searches you and finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0be398b3b0274e9ab3b7da6156f6c565.png" /> INT. CRAZY MIKE'S CHINESE CASTLE The Limo driver opens the front door and walks you into the elaborate Chinese style Castle. You are amazed at the artwork and portraits of people on the wall. Everyone looks just like YOU! People from the past, generation upon generations of humans showing undeniable resemblense to your own. Suddenly, around the corner and out from the shadoes, a white faced chinese boy, Crazy Mike Shatfield, wheels into view. CRAZY MIKE announces himself, "Welcome to my abode!" You are stunned at the look of this white boy dressed up as a chinese doll in a wheelchair."You're a? You're a? What the hell are you? Is that a real wooden wheelchair?" You ask in bewilderment. CRAZY MIKE continues in his overly loud voice, "Yes it is. And You've reached the Southern Oracle my friend. I am Crazy Mike Shatfield. The Key Master to this whole mystery that you were sent here to solve." You shrug your shoulders and pretend not to care. Crazy Mike continues, "I am Crazy Mike Shatfield, But I am not crazy, Chip. And I need your help to prove that." [[Don't listen anymore and just try to solve the mystery right now]] [[Listen to the dude's story]] [[Daydream and pretend to listen to the dude's story]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0f197155a45b434fb6f70fb2cce29f46.png" /> You and Shrockter nod and breath heavy. You raise an eyebrow, completely astonished by the woman's beauty, and tyou try to introduce yourself without stuttering, "Hi, hi, hi, ta, ta, I, I'm Chip Caesar." Marty straightens herself out and extends her hand sarcastically. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh my God, I've heard so much about you. Your work on the Mendoza Replicas was so inspiring." You reply with false humility, "Yes, yes, the damn Mendoza documentary. Most people know me for it." She keeps her hand out for you to shake it. You let the meet cute moment sink in, grease your tone up a little and continue to say, "Aww yes, and most fine young women like yourself have gotten to know me quite well." [[Shake Hands|next5]] [[Go for the Handshake Hug|next5]] [[Swoop in for a Hello Kiss|SLAPSTICK]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0f197155a45b434fb6f70fb2cce29f46.png" /> MARTY is taken back with your bravado, or at least you think she is turned on. Marty says, "Oh, okay, umm, well, I'm Marty Campbell and I see that you've met Jason." You reply, "Nice to meet you, miss Marty Campbell. Would you like to come upstairs and check out my studio? Marty frowns, "What do you mean? That's my studio." You retort, "Oh okay, and Shrockter here doesn't wear a toupee. Shrockter swears, "But I don't wear a toupee!" You roll your eyes, "Oh, sure you don't wear a toupee, Shrock. Sure you don't." You turn towards Marty, "After you then, sweetheart." [[NEXT|next6]]

<img src="img/sd_img/b9fc4a1be1644319a132d15118c2be5d.png" /> You are frozen in time and space. The beauty and pure light of Marty's magically sexy body gliding down the staircase crushes your heart and soul with the fear and shame you once had as a little lusty teenage boy. This is the moment you will regret for the rest of your life as Marty passes you and Shrockter by and out the door she goes. You miss your chance at love and adventure, as you slowly drift away in silence, eventually getting a job at a used book store, never really to speak again. You die, slowly, always thinking about that one moment you could have said something awesome, but failed to put yourself out there and test the waters of love. You die of heartbreak. Sad Ending [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/22f9e7e8a4b0475c8f2c5687f4afbac0.png" /> MARTY is taken back with your bravado, or at least you think she is turned on. Marty says, "Oh, okay, umm, well, I'm Marty Campbell and I see that you've met Jason." You reply, "Nice to meet you, miss Marty Campbell. Would you like to come upstairs and check out my studio? Marty frowns, "What do you mean? That's my studio." You retort, "Oh okay, and Shrockter here doesn't wear a toupee. Shrockter swears, "But I don't wear a toupee!" You roll your eyes, "Oh, sure you don't wear a toupee, Shrock. Sure you don't." You turn and bow towards the beautiful woman. "After you then, sweetheart." [[NEXT|next6]]

<img src="img/sd_img/244ac85d785d47c3a30f787f4a7d14e4.png" /> Marty frowns questionably then turns to go up the stairs as Shrockter tries to follow, but Chip stops him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… Check it out, Shrockter," WE ANGLE IN ON MARTY'S BUTT Shrockter shrugs Chip off and runs up the stairs flapping his happy clap hand. You pull out your tape recorder and say, [[Marty, Marty, Marty. That's one girl we're gonna have to make our oooooown movie with.]] [[Add image to spankbank]] [[Reminder to always let woman walk ahead of you on staircases]]

<img src="img/sd_img/52990847516f4206b07964d8ef5cf797.png " /> INT. STUDIO – DAY WE PUSH towards Shrockter sitting at the computer station, recklessly searching for footage. He screams, "Where's my McRoy footage?" "I don't know," Marty replies. Shrockter cringes and shreaks in OCD pain, searching through old film reels. "It's not on any of these. It's not any of these..." NEW ANGLE you walk into the studio, snapping your fingers, "What do we got cooking here? What's movin'?" Shrockter is getting super agitated, but that only makes you talk even faster. "What's shaking, what's bakin'? What do these things do? How come these things aren't turned on?" You say as you start flipping on equipment and pressing buttons, while Shrockter's frustration grows to full outrage. You continue, to tease and presss buttons, "Too tight. Too loose. Too... frumpy." You grab a remote and turn on a TV, revealing the old: BRUGGYS BUNNSY SHATFIELD VS. MRCOY CARTOON. It inspires you to keep going. [[NEXT|next7]]

<img src="img/sd_img/52990847516f4206b07964d8ef5cf797.png" /> INT. STUDIO – DAY WE PUSH towards Shrockter sitting at the computer station, recklessly searching for footage. He screams, "Where's my McRoy footage?" "I don't know," Marty replies. Shrockter cringes and shreaks in OCD pain, searching through old film reels. "It's not on any of these. It's not any of these..." NEW ANGLE you walk into the studio, snapping your fingers, "What do we got cooking here? What's movin', what's shaking, what's bakin'? What do these things do? How come these things aren't turned on?" You start flipping on equipment and pressing buttons, while Shrockter's frustration grows. You continue, to tease and presss buttons, "Too tight. Too loose. Too... frumpy." You grab a remote and turn on a TV, revealing the old: BRUGGYS BUNNSY SHATFIELD VS. MRCOY CARTOON. It inspires you to keep going. [[NEXT|next7]]

<img src="img/sd_img/52990847516f4206b07964d8ef5cf797.png " /> INT. STUDIO – DAY WE PUSH towards Shrockter sitting at the computer station, recklessly searching for footage. He screams, "Where's my McRoy footage?" "I don't know," Marty replies. Shrockter cringes and shreaks in OCD pain, searching through old film reels. "It's not on any of these. It's not any of these..." NEW ANGLE you walk into the studio, snapping your fingers, "What do we got cooking here? What's movin', what's shaking, what's bakin'? What do these things do? How come these things aren't turned on?" You start flipping on equipment and pressing buttons, while Shrockter's frustration grows. You continue, to tease and presss buttons, "Too tight. Too loose. Too... frumpy." You grab a remote and turn on a TV, revealing the old: BRUGGYS BUNNSY SHATFIELD VS. MRCOY CARTOON. It inspires you to keep going. [[NEXT|next7]]

<img src="img/sd_img/d0e6e372fca8460f8b49938bcf044946.png " /> You grab an electric guitar and play a small RIFF. Finally Shrockter erupts and yells into the GOD MICROPHONE. SHROCKTER screams over the microphone, "DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! Nothing pushes my buttons more than people pushing buttons." You say, "Whoa. Okay. Easy there, whipping boy." SHROCKTER yells, "I can't find my Odd Fellow film." Marty motions to Shrockter through her eyes and teeth. MARTY calmly commands shrockter, "Why don't we just show Mr. Caesar the Shatfield documentary stuff so he can get some background on the curse of Winooski." She turns to you, and says, "We have so much to show you…" "And so little time, I might add." You innevitably, add. [[NEXT|next8]]

<img src="img/sd_img/b6bfa95cead84b60885b1b98a3e2d7af.png" /> From a frozen position of rage, Shrockter turns back to the computer and sits down. "Okay, STOP! You need to see this Chip, it explains everything." You slap Shrockter on the back as the monitor turns ON. Shrockter shreaks in pain, as you... [[BEGIN THE DOCUMENTARY]] [[Change your mind and skip the frivilous details|next9]] [[Space out and just stare and fantasize Marty in a bra]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bbf6799b1ad340a48dbb2597ae169170.png" /> The TV Monitor Fades to Black with lots of WHITE FLASHES: FADE IN: EXT. COAL MINE – DAY We FOLLOW a mining CART into the mouth of the coal mine. FADE TO BLACK: 3RD PARTY NARRATOR (V/O), "What you are about to see is the light at the end of the tunnel." A LIGHT appears at the end of the tunnel as we continue to ADVANCE into the coal mine. 3RD PARTY NARRATOR (V/O) (CONT'D), "A mystery lies ahead. And as we get closer to discovering the truth, the curse of Winooskiski is revealed." We advance towards the light, revealing the many CHINESE faces that somberly stand at the end of the tunnel. 3RD PARTY NARRATOR (V/O), "Where did they all come from?" An EXPLOSION within the coal mine SHATTERS the screen. 3RD PARTY NARRATOR (V/O), "Where did they all go?" CUE DOCUMENTARY TITLE: THE CURSE OF Winooskiski: "MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES." PULL OUT OF MONITOR: FADE TO BLACK: (END DOCUMENTARY) Shrockter and Marty turn and look right at you to see your what your response is. You clearly are not impressed. [[NEXT|next9]]

<img src="img/sd_img/240576d957744927911e2d5917af575a.png" /> (The DOCUMENTARY rolls but you are not paying attention) MARTY turns to a and asks you a question you can barely hear, "So, Chip, what do you think? You keep staring in a lustful trance, "It's got potential. Not too big, not too small, definitely sparks the imagination." MARTY continues, "It's got a good feel though, right? You keep staring, "Oh yeah, and a nice round end." MARTY punches you in the shoulder, "Were you referring to the documentary – or - my ASS?!" Startled, You turn to the monitor and back to the camera and back to Marty then snap out of it. You speak to yourself, caught in the action, "Damn, the rope-a-dope. Come out swinging, kid." You jump up and begin to pace in frustration. [[NEXT|next9]]

<img src="img/sd_img/95aed4954d3a4390be403b5759d8b89f.png" /> You jump up and begin to pace in frustration and say, "Focus, people, follow me on this. For the supreme documentary we're gonna need testimonials. Interviews. Shift the focus from the past and place it on the present. We need to get to the bottom of this with total coverage. Who, what, where, how, and why?" (to Marty) "Take this down." Marty scrambles for a pen and paper. You continue on your rant, "We're gonna need paper, pens, plenty of batteries. A boom mic, lights, camera, action. A trench coat, a minute maid, a bartender, plenty of extras... plenty of coffee, better throw in some Tums with that coffee... and All types of keys... Hmm… Preferably keys that open doors... You got that?!" Marty continues to scramble down notes as Shrockter sits there and watches, in awe, drooling. You continue your list of demands, "I'm gonna need food and strong drink at all times. We need lists, scripts, permission slips, permits, power outlets, and wireless repeaters." You point at Shrockter, as Shrockter grimaces. "We are all going to have to hone our own tone on this one." Shrockter TOOTS a kazoo. That makes you smile. [[NEXT|next10]]

<img src="img/sd_img/41ff9b30863d49cf9710df5830581bb9.png" /> You continue your sincere monologue of direction, "WE need to Step it up a notch. Get on the horn and get our feelers deep into this cursed society. Shake things up, get stuff done. What we need... is a getting stuff done montage." MARTY is shocked, "What's a "getting stuff done montage?" You stare out into space, "This is a getting stuff done montage." Suddenly, you throw Shrockter a huge ring of keys as the music kicks in and we: BEGIN GETTING STUFF DONE MONTAGE: Shrockter backing up manual trucks and cars (GEAR GRIND NOISE) while Chip directs him. Marty collecting small items and making phone calls. Chip smoking, sleeping and drinking. Marty cooking food and pies. Chip directing the two on where to hang a portrait while checking out Marty on a ladder. Shrockter trying to lift heavy equipment. You stand like a war general and lets out a final gasp, "Now, we're ready to make a documentary." [[Begin Documentary by interviewing Marty]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0dba618e301c4ff4a474e6d7ee2cf5ec.png" /> INT. SCREENING ROOM – DAY A classic studio screening room with a few rows of theater seating sits beneath a large screen. MARTY begins her discourse, "I need Chip, I mean, WE need Chip, and we're honored to have him on this project, but, his ethics are just so... unorthodox." You are now being PROJECTED on SCREEN behind her. You are shown sleeping on a couch, with a book entitled: OSMOSIS BY OSMOSIS. MARTY continues, saying, "Every good documentary needs a secret weapon, an ulterior motive, a fall guy, a... pig headed buffoon! And that's just what Chip Caesar is. A jerk of all trades. The modern day Sherlockian Sholmes…" Marty glances at you OFF SCREEN, "Did I say that right?" [[You give Marty a thumbs up.]] [[You tell her to open her mouth a little bit wider next time]] [[You sit and just stare at her large bossom]] [[Belittle a random crew man holding the boom mic]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e1dffee7a3bd477a88b8fa4f49318a9e.png" /> You decide to look powerful and strong so everyone knows whos boss. But instead you look like a total dweeb by smiling largely and putting your thumbs up for approval. Your voice comes out louder then expected as you say, "GOOD JOB!" Now that is over with, You can move on to the investigation. You decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e1dffee7a3bd477a88b8fa4f49318a9e.png" /> You consider yourself a person who gives really good positive criticism. Buuuuut you mostly come off like an asshole. You tell Marty to open her mouth a little bit wider next time, but don't need her to shoot it again. One take was enough, and You can move on to the investigation. You decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/b9fc4a1be1644319a132d15118c2be5d.png" /> You are frozen in time and space. You can't stop staring, and it burns like the light of the sun. The beauty and pure light of Marty's magically sexy body gliding down the staircase crushes your heart and soul with the fear and shame you once had as a little lusty teenage boy. This is the moment you will regret for the rest of your life as Marty passes you and Shrockter by and out the door she goes. You miss your chance at love and adventure, as you slowly drift away in silence, eventually getting a job at a used book store, never really to speak again. You die, slowly, always thinking about that one moment you could have said something awesome, but failed to put yourself out there and test the waters of love. You die of heartbreak. Sad Ending [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a03ecf2295f74a77b99fe49479a19d00.png" /> Time to look cool, so you start by harassing a nameless boom mic operator in the studio, "What do ya' mean? There's no pigeons around here!" CREWMAN stutters, "Who ma, ma, ma, meee? What P. P. P. Pigeons? You slowly turn to the Crewman, "Excuse me?" CREWMAN responds, "Wh. Wh. Wh. What is this guy ta. Ta. Ta. Talking about? You throw a fit to look cool infront of Marty, "Rubber baby buggy bumpers! Rubber baby buggy bumpers! Rubber baby buggy bumpers! SAY IT!" CREWMAN cant speak and gets silently scared. You take a step back from the man and you.. [[Gives Shrockter the Slit Throat Sign]] [[Fires Him!]] [[Apologize]]

<img src="img/sd_img/235ceb7c44d248f9a1b1e07c45b33a75.png" /> You look over at Shrockter, who is sitting in the Engineering booth starring back at you with his dark empty eyes. You motion a 'cut-throat sign' and point towards the crewman. Shrockter takes the signal literally and comes into the room holding a knife. He proceeds to slit the poor mans throat and looks back at you for approval. WOW, You didn't see that coming, but you should have. People like Shrockter have a hard time understanding metaphors and take most things literally. Now you are all literally dead. Shrockter doesn't just stop there with the poor crewman; no, he eventually takes you all out. "Leave no witnesses behind" Shrockter says to himself as he cleans his bloody knife. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e1dffee7a3bd477a88b8fa4f49318a9e.png" /> You decide to look powerful and strong so everyone knows whos boss. You end this mans career and simply fire him on the spot. The man cries, drops the mic, and runs out of the studio. Now that is over with, You can move on to the investigation. You decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/80447bfa4a9e451c8e01d66c60b75407.png" /> Okay, okay, you realize you might be taking this too far with the poor old sap, and decide to pull a double reversal. Instead of making yourself look strong by belittling the man, you now try to make yourself look merciful and stoic by apologizing. [[Extend your hand and say sorry]] [[Extend your hand and offer a handshake, but pull it back at the last second for a triple reversal]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9a442dbc753c4fd9aba364d3d3434c2d.png" /> You decide to look merciful and carry on, deciding to agree to disagree. The crewman doesn't know what you're talking about, and nor should he. He is a peasent and you move on to bigger and better things: You decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/235ceb7c44d248f9a1b1e07c45b33a75.png" /> You make the man whiff big time on a handshake. Over and over again you offer your hand in forgiveness, just to pull it back and make the man whiff again and again and again until he finally collapses into a complete mental breakdown. THAT'S IT! You have finally done it. Your crazy antics have finally driven someone into complete madness. You can now retire from the pursuit of fortune and fame, knowing that you have achieved the ultimate sense of humor. Your humor finally drove someone completely insane. It's everything you ever wanted as a comedian. Total destruction of the human soul. But, just like everyone else in this world, you still die. It turns out that being a great comedian does not make you a God. Even superior intellects like yourself still die. You are just a human afterall, and a cruel one at that. You are no longer allowed to proceed because you are too damn mean. The Cosmos is NOT HAPPY with you, so Lighting Bolt Man randomly flies down to Earth from Bizzarro World and strikes you dead. <img src="img/sd_img/65509914197e4d4bb7970ef9b9ccc7aa.png" /> [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/41ff9b30863d49cf9710df5830581bb9.png" /> EXT. STREETS OF WINOOSKI – DAY We CUT BACK AND FORTH between CHIP interviewing people on the street. MINGO MCROY spys at you THROUGH HIS ONE-EYE-HOLE NEWSPAPER, watching every move you make. You walk up to Shrockter who's holding the camera and shaking it all over the place. You yell at Shrockter, "Jesus, man. Would you stop shaking that camera all over the place?!" Shrockter responds helplessly, "I can't help it." You let it go and start directing the action, "Let's get this guy up here. Over here. Over there. Her. Him. What about that guy right there?" You move Shrockter about and run him all over the place until he just can't take it anymore. Shrockter coughs and goes to his knees, breathing hard. "Damnit man, I need a break, I need a cigarette." Shrockter pants. [[Step back and take a break]] [[Interview Street People]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9434b199c86c49678d0bf670592c285d.png" /> CLOSE UP ON THE CLOCK TOWER - EXT We cascade down the Clock Tower and onto the street. We see you, Marty and Shrockter walk towards the Clock Tower part of the Shatfield Museum building. You take a look at the time on the clock tower and say, "Marty, have you ever noticed that it's been the exact same time on that clock ever since I've been here?" MARTY shrugs, "Oh yeah. Everybody knows about that. It's one of the greatest mysteries of all! Nobody's ever gotten that thing to work since the day they created it." SHROCKTER chimes in, "It's The curse of the Shatfields and McRoys that makes time stand still." You shake your head in complete disbelief, "What?!?!?!" [[Continue To Yell at Shrockter]] [[Smoke a cigarette to calm down a bit before yelling at Shrockter]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9395edcb43344795bac5c4e2713ae11f.png" /> INT. SHATFIELD MUSEUM – CONTINUOUS The museum lobby sits at the base of a massive staircase. Atop the staircase stands a very gangly awkward fellow, the Museum Curator, J.R. KINSLEY. KINSLEY loudly address Marty while shattaying down the staircase, "Marty! Marty! Marty! My Mon Cherie!" Kinsley sashays down the stairs as Marty moves to greet him with kisses on the cheek. KINSLEY, "Splendid to see you, sweetheart. What have you done with your hair? It's diamonds, simply diamonds! And those lips, luscious. Those thighs, remarkable. And those BREASTS, vavoom!" Kinsley turns and does a silent stare right at your face. After a beat, Kinsley remarks concerning Chip, "And who is this?" Marty moves to introduce the crew. MARTY, "Oh, J.R. this is my crew, as you know, followed by the famous, or should I say, infamous, Chip Caesar." Kinsley extends a very limp hand towards you, so you... [[You Shake it]] [[You Slap it]] [[You kiss it]] [[You deny his hand gesture]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4e77dabb51e94d8db2c69b32ce6534da.png" /> EXT. CHRIS CROSS BAR – EVENING You take a seat at the local martini slash karaoke bar, complete with neon lights and plasma screen TVs everywhere. Shrockter is on stage singing KARAOKE: the song: I TOUCH MYSELF. He sings it OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Mingo McRoy sits among the people in the bar, peeping through the one-eye-whole newspaper, watching your every move. The Bartender adresses you, "Whatchya drinkin?" You order a: [[Beer]] [[Whiskey]] [[Wine]] [[Water]] [[Tequila]] [[Martini]] [[Margaritta]]

<img src="img/sd_img/21711f68953640439bc7550c010f4d70.png" /> You pull Shrockter aside, and ask him what this whole damn thing is about again. A good Ethnographic Documentariean has to remind himself now and again, and again, and again... [[Converse with Shrockter About It..]] [[Get the quick version]] [[Get the quick quick quick version]]

<img src="img/sd_img/cb427cf1f30244bebbf54bda5df4ba62.png" /> You motion for Shrockter to come speak with you in private, "Okay, Shrockter. What the hell is this all about again?" Shrockter rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, "I've already told you a million times." You immediately get annoyed with Shrockter and squeeze his collar a bit tighter, "Listen up you little monster, give me the low down here and quick." SHROCKTER starts talking fast, "Okay, it's like the movie Willzy Wonksy, only this time it's real. You stop him, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, not that quick." SHROCKTER, slowing down, "Okay, This town is cursed, and no one can leave." Shrockter starts to count on his fingers. "We've got Oompsie Doopsie slaves in the Chinese coal miners. Neverlasting GoPoppers in the coal they've mined, Wizzy Sifting drinks in the blinding hysteria of the people under the curse… Bugworth as the elitist secret society oppressing the town, and Wonksy himself, facilitating the whole thing. You shake your head, "What, or, who caused this Willywonkian curse of nobody ever comes in, nobody ever comes out? [[Shrockter Continues]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0dba618e301c4ff4a474e6d7ee2cf5ec.png" /> You are Chip Ceasar, the coolest B Grade Filmmaker and the most subpar movie star the world has ever known. You are here, investigating The Curse of Winooski, Washington trying to ultimately find "The Secret Road To China." In John Panda Jr's own words, "The curse is a result of a sociological pattern imbedded in the behavior of the town's folk as a predisposition in the mind set of simpleton's who are, In laymen's terms, homesick." So Go out and investigate, create a documentary, FIND The Secret Road To China, and report back to John Panda Jr when you are finished. [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] Or you move on and decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/f5f986abbaf9412e86338aa431050b4f.png" /> WHY do you need a version quicker then the quick version?!?!?!?!?!?! You are soo impatiant that you jay-walk onto the street while looking at your cell phone and "accidently" get hit by a bus. Good thing is that you die instantly, so thats cool. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e063b8e5b02e456fbd7495932cce1c8e.png" /> YOU ARE JUST A HUMAN! YOU DO NOT HAVE SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH! You park the van, get out of the car and start mountain climbing the backside of the mountain. However you do not have mountain climbing gear, you do not have mountain climbing skills, and before you know it, you're half way up the mountain, only to slipp and fall all the way back down, to your untimely death. Body parts fly all over the place as you dash against sharp rocks all the way down the mountain. Yeah, and your shoes fly off your feet. You are then eaten by a pack of wolves; but you were already dead, so you don't care so much about the wolves. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/47e26982fd3e437a9752307294f99fbe.png" /> You interept the madness and try to solve the mystery RIGHT NOW, just like a game of clue. Afterall, life is just a game isn't it? You can just make things up as you go, right? It's don't you well before, go with it. You raise your hand, interrupting everyone in the absolute most arrogant way. These people are beneath you. They are just silly hicks, you think to yourself. So you make as manny assumptions and stereotypes that you can and begin to summarize the situation by saying, "ALRIGHT Folks, You can all drop the charade, Mr. Crazy, I got you all figured out..." [[I couldn't help but notice that there is a flock of messenger pigeons outside that window, and a Buddha statue in the garden!]] [[I see that there is a single sabot on the shoe rack over there, plus the missing documentary footage is on your desk!]] [[You have a satellite mobile phone on the kitchen table. Aha! YES, You see, I can already tell that you were the one who killed Falcor and sabotaged the clock tower.]] [[You were the one who stole the missing documentary footage, and as everyone knows there is no reception in this town, thus you are the one who takes up all the cellphone space]]

<img src="img/sd_img/28cc38ea72314285b8471da2c62a2a21.png" /> Ultimately, you get pushed into The Vortex of the Secret Road to China, and a Giant Swamp Monster reaches out and grabs you and PULLS YOU into the Vortex. You get trapped and locked into the wormwhole with the Monster for ALL - Time! You almost solved the puzzle here. But, you were impatient. You met Crazy Mike Shatfield too early, and went into the castle TOO soon. You didn't have enough understanding, or Back-Up! You got to the end; and in a way, you did solve the mystery. You did find the Secret Road to China, but unfortunately you got stuck in it forever. You win, but you lose. It might be the quickest way to the end, but the most horrendous death for sure. Eternal Vortex Imprissonment as thousands and millions of Chip Ceasar dolls are sold all across the globe. TRY AGAIN! [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/jfoychipface.jpg" /> Panda roars in laughter, "That's why I like you, Chip, you truly die hard. Right from the streets of Vegas, when you saved my life." You respond, "Come on, man, you know that's not true. I didn't save your life." Panda is perplexed, "What do you mean it's not true? You saved my life from those damn Gorgons! Those horn-frogged evil bastards! You got Moxie, Kid, I'll give ya that." "Just like a chip off the old block." you say. Panda laughs, stops abruptly, leans back into the tiny camera. "And for you, Chip Caesar, this should be an open and shut case." Panda slams the table and reiterates, "Find The Secret Road to China, and report back to me as soon as it's done." [[Agree and Continue|OFF The Train]] [[Disagree and Step Off the Train|Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/jfoychipface.jpg" /> Panda quickly responds, "You can have my daughter; she's not much younger than you, perhaps even a little bit older." You respond by saying, "... [[No, seriously, John. It's going to have to be cold hard cash this time. Up-front. You know I don't mix business with pleasure. Only Rum with Coke.]] [[Yes, ofcourse I will take her, and be with her, and become your son.]] [[Just Take me to Winooski, WA, I'm ready!|NEXT]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ef7739fb88a842e3919062a6c8a91193.png" /> Well, you've had enough. You've made countless movies, slept with countless movie stars, young and old. It's ALL love, and you just can't see how thing could ever get better than this. You get your bag and pull out your cuddly wuddly blanket and curl up and wait for the next stop to Willaby. The train stops and announces Willyaby. You get to Willaby and take a giant step OFF the train. Ofcourse, you have died. There is no Willaby, and the train never stopped. You were dreaming and sleep walking again right off a moving train. You have died. But, at least you got to see Willaby in the afterlife. Forever sleep. [[Click here to restart|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1642c45e149343839afb0b5ba5cc17ef.png" /> PANDA smiles and nods approvingly, "You got moxie, kid. I'll give you that." You FLIP your lucky gold coin and think to yourself, "Cha ching!" "Just like a chip off the old block." Panda laughs, stops abruptly, leans back into the tiny camera. "And for you, Chip Caesar, this should be an open and shut case!" Panda reiterates: "Find The Secret Road to China and report back to me when it's done." [[Agree and Continue|OFF The Train]] [[Disagree and Step Off the Train|Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1642c45e149343839afb0b5ba5cc17ef.png" /> PANDA smiles and nods approvingly, "You got moxie, kid. I'll give you that." You FLIP your lucky gold coin and think to yourself, "Cha ching!" "Just like a chip off the old block." Panda laughs, stops abruptly, leans back into the tiny camera. "And for you, Chip Caesar, this should be an open and shut case." Panda reiterates, "Find The Secret Road to China, and report back to me as soon as it's done." [[Agree and Continue|OFF The Train]] [[Disagree and Step Off the Train|Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c6ba9d97a5094d729862d143ce67414d.png" /> You give Shrockter a death stare, then spins back toward the clock tower and deadpan. You think to yourself in brovado, "Suddenly I felt like I was being led by something more then just good looks and proper upbringing. I felt as if I was in a cruel story of Hansel and Gretel. Being tossed bread crumbs along the path to ultimate success… Scary." You look back over your shoulder at the crew and address them, "Let's go. Bread crumbs await! Marty and Shrockter look at each other. MARTY, "Bread crumbs?" Yes, bread crumbs. You decide to move on by... [[You Want to Prove Shrockter Wrong, So you Decide to Climb the Clock Tower and Try to Turn it ON]] [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4400eefc3bc84bdb8ff944aec835f00f.png" /> You can't take it anymore, so you decide to climb the Clock Tower yourself! You try to prove Shrockter wong, and solve this damned mystery right now. Clock Towers dont just shut off because of some smalltown curse, you're sure of that! You imagine yourself to be like Doctorous Browny (from the movie Futures Back 2), so you decide to climb the fire escape up to the clock tower. You inspect the clock and immediatly notice that the power plug to the clock has been unplugged. As simple as that, you solved the clock tower. [[Yell at Shrockter and tell him that he is wrong! And Plug the Power Cord Back In yourself.]] [[Play it safe and climb back down to tell Shrockter that he is wrong]] [[Yell at Shrockter because you like to yell at Shrockter]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a0a886b059144056a123ecc1d60cb69f.png" /> Atop the Clock Tower, you plug the cable into the power outlet. EXPLOSION! You get massivly electrocuted, just like Doctorous Brownie did. Except in real life you fall to your death. This isn't Future Back 1, 2, or 3 brother. A jolt of 1.212345 giga giga gigalowats will kill you. At least the clock turns back on, and you proved Shrockter wrong. You died proving a point, and in some ways proved the curse of Winooskiski to be wrong. You never did find the Secret Road to China, but at least you died a rightous man. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/42ebecfae18f49a39e28e765f17571d6.png" /> You climb back down and walk straight over to Shrockter. You tell him that he is dead wrong, and that the clock tower power cord has simply been unplugged. Mystery solved. You sneak a wink over to Marty and then decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c9dea7495f7469e83dbcc227cfe45f7.png " /> Kinsely gently takes your embrace, but his hand is limp and a bit wet. It kinda grossed you out a little, but you continue to listen to this man's bullcrap. Kinsley continues, "Welcome to the Shatfield Museum." You wonder outloud... "Shatfield? Isn't that the name of the family who started this whole cursed thing?" KINSLEY is startled by the thought, "Curse? Curses? Heavens No. I am the Museum's Curator. Did you come here for the tour?" MARTY happily agrees, "Yes, Do you have the time? We're making a documentary on the curse. I mean, the history of Winooskiski, and we would be honored to have your expertise." KINSLEY nods, "Experticccce? It's diamonds, baby, simply diamonds. So long as you remain quiet, and listen to every word I say, it'll be as smooth as diamonds. [[Continue the Tour|Tour ON1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c9dea7495f7469e83dbcc227cfe45f7.png " /> You sneak a peak over at Marty and try to impress her by looking strong and horribly manly, so you slap Mr Kinsley's hand away. Eerily suspicous of Chip's antics, KINSLEY pulls his hand back and presents the museum, exclaiming his welcome, "Welcome to the Shatfield Museum, Chip Caesar." You wonder outloud... "Shatfield? Isn't that the name of the family who started this whole cursed thing?" KINSLEY is startled by the thought, "Curse? Curses? Heavens No. No. No, I am the Museum's Cur... (struggles to pronounce the word and stutters) Corria... Cu. Cure... Cueeee... You cant help but mouth the words, RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS. Marty elbows you in the side to keep you quiet. KINSLEY (CONT his stutter), "Cueree... Cuia...(pause, finally gettting it out) Curator. Wow he did it. You smile. KINSLEY (CONT'D), "So, Marty my dear, did you come for the tour?" MARTY happily agrees, "Yes, Do you have the time? We're making a documentary on the curse. I mean, the history of Winooskiski, and we would be honored to have your expertise." KINSLEY nods, "Experticccce? It's diamonds, baby, simply diamonds. So long as you remain quiet, and listen to every word I say, it'll be as smooth as diamonds. [[Continue the Tour|Tour ON1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c9dea7495f7469e83dbcc227cfe45f7.png " /> You sneak a peak over at Marty and try to impress her with your own penage, and take Mr Kinsley's hand giving it a long wet kiss. He likes it. You then take Marty's hand and kiss it too and say, "Should we take this upstairs? Shrockter can't come though." Shrockter puts the camera down, and gets sad, "Ohh man, why not?" KINSLEY (CONT'D), "So, Marty my dear, did you come for the tour?" MARTY happily agrees, "Yes, Do you have the time? We're making a documentary on the curse. I mean, the history of Winooskiski, and we would be honored to have your expertise." KINSLEY nods, "Experticccce? It's diamonds, baby, simply diamonds. So long as you remain quiet, and listen to every word I say, it'll be as smooth as diamonds. [[Continue the Tour|Tour ON1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c9dea7495f7469e83dbcc227cfe45f7.png " /> "Just get on with it, Jack", you say as you grow tired of other peoples personalities. Yours is the only one you really care about because you are a narccasist. KINSLEY pulls his hand back and presents the museum, exclaiming his welcome, "Welcome to the Shatfield Museum, Chip Caesar." You wonder outloud... "Shatfield? Isn't that the name of the family who started this whole cursed thing?" KINSLEY is startled by the thought, "Curse? Curses? Heavens No. No. No, I am the Museum's Cur... (struggles to pronounce the word and stutters) Corria... Cu. Cure... Cueeee...Cueree... Cuia...(pause, finally gettting it out) Curator. Wow he did it. You smile. Kinsley notices and immediatly doens't like you. KINSLEY (CONT'D), "So, Marty my dear, did you come for the tour?" MARTY happily agrees, "Yes, Do you have the time? We're making a documentary on the curse. I mean, the history of Winooskiski, and we would be honored to have your expertise." KINSLEY nods, "Experticccce? It's diamonds, baby, simply diamonds. So long as you remain quiet, and listen to every word I say, it'll be as smooth as diamonds. [[Continue the Tour|Tour ON1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/f81c750e26cd4b0893a7f7ddff1f53ed.png" /> INT. MUSEUM HALLWAY We FOLLOW Kinsley through the Museum as he showcases the ARTIFACTS and PICTURES and PAINTINGS hanging on the wall. The CLOSE-UPS of the Museum ARTIFACTS and STUFFED ANIMALS scare Shrockter. KINSLEY begins his Tour Monologue: "We start in the late 1800's with our founding father, the great John Shatfield, he was like diamonds, just like diamonds." CLOSE-UP ON A PORTRAIT OF JOHN SHATFIELD, REVEALING HIM TO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU! "He's a spiiting image of you, CHIP." Marty says. NEW ANGLE, You take a pull from a flask out of your suit coat pocket. KINSLEY continues, "Notice the small birthmark on the right cheek, common only to the Shatfield's family line; it's diamonds, it's shaped exactly like a diamond." Shrockter looks back and forth between the PORTRAIT and Chip, then points and begins to speak. SHROCKTER jumps up and down, frantic, "Hey, Chip. Shatfiled looks exactly like you!" [[Ponder the resemblance]] [[Shut Shrockters mouth and dont mention the resemblance]] [[Deny, Deny, Deny]]

<img src="img/sd_img/f815a1e4d225430fb4809382be84adc4.png" /> Okay, so you just cant take it anymore. You need this woman and you have to tell her all about it. You jump the shark and tell Marty how beautiful she is. Marty is clearly taken aback. You try not to misread her reaction, but you are set on making a move on her, so you bat your eyes at her. Give her the look of love and... [[You extend your hand, and gently touch her hand]] [[You extend your hand and touch her hand, and try to kiss her hand]] [[You extend your hand and touch her hand, and try to kiss her hand, keeping in mind that you intend to then kiss her on the lips|Intend To Kiss]]

<img src="img/sd_img/11c37b8cbbe3499986517ea4aa8420c4.png" /> You begin your daydream avoidance meditation, and cancel out everything this woman is saying. Easier to just stare at her beauty and think of waterfalls, and rainbows, and bridges over madison county. You think about baseball and how the Marinerskis haven't made the playoff's in 35 years. She suddenly stops talking, and repeats herself, Chip, Chip, were you listening to a word i said? (END FLASHBACK) [[Snap out of the daydream and go back to the bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c839ece09599418fbec412eeba8ac03c.png" /> INT. CHRIS CROSS BAR – CONTINUOUS Shrockter continues to sing, I TOUCH MYSELF, with the KARAOKE screen revealing the long list of I TOUCH MYSELF words. Marty continues to talk, and she looks amazing, even though you have no idea what she is saying. You cant get enough at looking at how beautiful she is in the Neon Light. MARTY says, "You'd be surprised at how hard it was to find a Chip Caesar movie." You rolls your eyes. Shrockter finishes the song, with a round of applause! You jump up and cheer, "Get this guy a towel and two shots of Tequila, he's smoking! WOW! SHROCKTER approaches and joins them at the table, "How'd I do?" You smirk, "Let's put it this way, Shrockter, at least you weren't adopted, because when you're adopted, you're adopted everyday." MARTY questions, "You were adopted?" You reply, "No, not really. I was just abandoned at a young age and then I was raised by an orangutan in a tropical zoo." MARTY laughs, "You're pulling my chain! You smirks, "Tell her, Shrock, you know him! SHROCKTER shakes his head, "You mean my Uncle John? John Panda Jr ? He's not that bad, hell, he loves you more than he loves me, and I'M BLOOD! [[Continue|Next12]]

You are for once in your life truly interested in someone and something. So you inquire as to how Marty and Shrockter got to know one another. You fade into a FLASHBACK as you actively listen to Marty tell the story of how she met Shrockter. MARTY (V/O), "I spent the entire day looking for that damn Mendoza Documentary of yours. The only place that had it was Shrockter's weird Antique Store." FADE IN: <img src="img/sd_img/86b2ba29d6914746805b2b9749d67b6b.png" /> INT. ANTIQUE STORE – CONTINUOUS You daydream of an old antique store, filled with books and junk. Shrockter and NERD FRIEND stand at counter. NERD FRIEND, "FINAL FANTASY VII is way better than THE SIMS, dude." SHROCKTER, "How'd you figure?" NERD FRIEND, "Where else can you rape and pillage elves and dwarfs all day long, without being thrown in an insane asylum?" SHROCKTER, "Other than France? I get your point." NERD FRIEND "That said, nothing is better than creating four walls around a SIM BOT, and then watching him poop and piss himself to death all day." Shrockter pukes a little bit. The BELL above the door RINGS as the door opens. CUE: I TOUCH MYSELF SLOW-MO: Shrockter and Nerd Friend turn to door. Marty enters, FAN IN FACE, exotic. CLOSE ON SHROCKTER'S WAIST: An extending hand goes INTO Shrockter's pants. SLOW-MO: Marty shakes her hair around. WIDE: Nerd Friend's hand is also INSIDE Shrockter's pants. (END FLASHBACK) [[Back To Bar|Snap out of the daydream and go back to the bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1712ad1538be49e5972f2969bb012dcc.png" /> You are Chip Ceasar... A Gentle touch can change the world. You know that you have the golden hand shake, and try your best Jedi tricks to seduce the lovely woman. [[Stay Gentle, and ask her what truly motivates her soul]] [[Showcase your personality, and ask Marty what her All Time Top 3 Movies are]] [[Go For it and ask her if she wants to go back to her place and get wierd]]

<img src="img/sd_img/7dec32dc1857420fb6b26d5629b674cf.png" /> Marty immideatly rejects your hand kiss, and then SLAPS you across the face. You moved way too fast without the determination to follow up with the authority it takes to make such a bold move. You can't take the embarassment, so you run away never to be seen again. You don't have it anymore. You're too old, and too drunk to get with this chick and solving mysteries is just not your thing anymore. You leave on the next train and go rent an apartment in Idaho somewhere and retire in a mobile home park with all the rest of the Trailer Park Guys. You eventually die from old age just living the rest of your life watching TV and eating Hottest Prockets from the microwave. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/d513b48b413340ff8bbdaec15f27ba90.png" /> Marty immideatly rejects your hand kiss, and then SLAPS you across the face. But you don't care. You never intended to stop there. You go for the gold and kiss her with all your might. She LIKES IT! You both kiss like crazed animals. Chairs go flying as your sexual embrace falls to the tabletop. [[Keep it going right there and don't stop!]] [[Stop, and ask to go back to her place]] [[Stop and order a round of drinks|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/b390bcbce0dc47c29578595ec951aefd.png" /> Marty leans on her elbows and admires Chip and Shrockter. MARTY, "I don't know how you do it." You smile, "Do what? Now both Marty and Shrockter lean towards you, both with their elbows on the table, and that is wierd. MARTY, "Do what?! Oh my God, you're all over the news. You're the one who found the golden asteroids and killed the Big Spider. It's just incredible. You are incredible. " You leans back in your chair, find a mirror and admire yourself. "Yup, Im Incredible indeed!" you say. Marty perks up and says, "I know you are going to solve this case. I know you can find the Secret Road to China and take away the curse on this town." You want to say something brilliant, but Two HOT CHICKS walk by with a srufer dude MIKE ENNEN. [[Chip notices and continues to lean back in his chair to get an even better look at the Hot Chicks Ass]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5d9da2d2ddda4286a2214f43e19ac0a5.png" /> In order to get a real decent look at the Hot Chicks bootie, you lean so far back in your chiar that you fall backwards and break your neck. You never really learned to just peak at the sun, DONT STARE AT IT! So anyway, you die instantly of a broken back and neck.... and face. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/933ac6bbd42a45b6b0be5d4b0fe0029f.png" /> You order a round of drinks for everyone. You end up saying it a little bit too LOUDLY, so the whole bar cheers! Marty looks around and is pleased with your charity, not knowing it was an accident. So you decide to... [[Pay for all the drinks]] [[Run out on your tab and quickly head for the exit]]

<img src="img/sd_img/04eb857393714f97aab3a418b46a851b.png" /> You begrudgingly pay for everyones drinks. You are famous afterall, and that's one of its many disadvantages. Everyone expects you to pay your bills. I bet the normal man doesn't feel that way, you think to yourself. After you finish your drink, you mention to Shrockter and Marty that you will be calling it a night. Even Chip Ceasar needs to rest. You all gather your things and agree to meet at the city library the next day. It's as good as place as any in order to continue the investigation and solve the mystery at hand. [[Make a sudden advancement on Marty and ask to stay at her place]] [[Compose yourself and say goodnight]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9742695063394ae0928da080853a3d7c.png" /> Well, you should have known this was coming. You try to run out on your enormous bar tab and head straight for the exit. You make two steps out of the bar before getting punched in the face by a massive Security Gaurd. He didn't mean to hit you that hard, but big Bubba types don't always know their own strength. You get knocked out and end up in a hospital in a coma for the rest of your life, before Shrockter decides to pull the plug on ya a few years later. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/84e13d6eb9e8410b9ed70507d507251f.png" /> To your suprise, It works! She says yes, and you go to her pace to stay the night. You pull wool and she lets you sleep with her. She is everything you dreamed she would be. HAHA, NOT! You were daydreaming again. You snap of it with a small slap to the face. Marty laughs and then reminds you that you are staying with Shrockter for the night. Her ass wasn't in the budget. [[Compose yourself and say goodnight]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0668ae127c5146de8b7654e389e8d2af.png" /> You go to Shrockter's apartment and make him sleep on the couch so you can have the bed. You are Chip Ceasar afterall, and Shrockter should be happy with your presence in his disgusting pizza box laiden one bedroom apartment. How can there be this many pizza boxes and empty beer cans in one apartment? You dont sleep very well and oddly enough wake up hungry, for pizza. You awake and decide to: [[Go To the Library as planned]] [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]]

<img src="img/sd_img/baf0dfe284194e49ad5ffa98cf26305c.png" /> SUBTITLE - THE SHATFIELD LIBRARY EXT. OLD BRICK LIBRARY - DAY Establish shot of a small town library spans the foreground. CUT TO: INT. LIBRARY – DAY PUSHING DOWN rows and rows of books, we ultimately get to you and Marty viewing microfiche on computers. You sit together and look through books and newspapers, investing the history of Winooski, and the Shatfields and McRoy's. [[continue|libraryjump]]

You both look at the MONITOR, REVEALING ARTICLES AND PICTURES REFERRING TO WITCHES. <img src="img/sd_img/e436efb319e5461d81db6205f0d1afb1.png" /> You motion and say, "Go to that one." Marty reads off the monitor, as you start to smell her hair and looks her up and down. MARTY, "It's an editorial piece from Flamingo McRoy, a Winooskiski resident, claiming that Shatfield owned land that was stolen away from the McRoy family through the means of witchcraft and false government documents provided by John Shatfield and the Eastern Railroad. This is the guy responsible for the whole thing! INSERT - MONITOR REVEALING THE ARTICLE AND PICTURE OF MINGO. <img src="img/sd_img/3dde1cce5079418282130cf3bf94070f.png" /> Marty and you looking closely at the monitor. You act surprised, "That's the guy I've been telling you about. He's been following me ever since I got off that damn train. Marty turns to look up at you, bringing you face to face. MARTY, "You mean the guy you saw at the bar and the railway station? (slowing down entranced in your sex-appeal) a couple of nights ago? You and Marty lock eyes. you say, "Yeah… (slowly) You wanna go to the bar later and... Do... MARTY, Do... (slowly, flirting) Do what?... NEW ANGLE, A Book falls off a bookcase. From behind a bookcase, we see Chip and Marty move in for a kiss as we hear O.S.S. of a book FALLING. Marty quickly turns toward the sound. MARTY, What was that? [[Continue|next14]]

Marty is obviously startled at the sounds of books falling from around the corner. But you don't care and keep moving in for the kiss, "Don't worry baby, It's probably just Shrockter." Marty pushes you back a bit. You turn and look towards the bookcases. You are not scared and say, "Shrockter, is that you?" CUT TO: THE SHOT FROM BEHIND THE BOOKCASE. revealing human movement. You calmly smile and say, "Come on out of there, Shrockter, I'm not mad at you anymore." You approache the bookcase as Mingo suddenly jumps out and runs for the back door. You yell, "It's Mingo McRoy!" Marty jumps to her feet. MARTY, "Well... Go get him!" You take a minute to think [[Chase After Mingo McRoy!]] [[You have already encountered Mingo, stay and kiss]] [[You have already encountered Mingo, go back to the hotel and think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4f3876b074f741fa9cccaf6a24ad8f67.png" /> EXT. LIBRARY – CONTINUOUS From the stamping out of a cigarette, we PAN UP Shrockter as he lights another cig. Just as he lights his smoke, Mingo comes blasting out of the library with Chip chasing close behind. Shrockter twitches in shock when Mingo runs out of the library, then tries to light his smoke again as he twitches in shock dropping his cigarettes when Chip runs out of the library. SHROCKTER yells at you, "What the hell, Chip? You yell back, "C'mon! Get him!" Shrockter grabs the camera off the ground and follows. THE CHASE! You run down the ally revealing it as a dead end with some garbage cans along the side. Frustrated, you catch your breath and sit down on one of the garbage cans. Shrockter arrives, breathing heavy, lights another smoke. SHROCKTER, "What's going on? Where did he go?" "You tell me, Shrockter. You seem to have a grip on the paranormal. Can a man vanish into thin air? What is thin air, anyway? Huh, Shrockter, since you're so smart? Is there a fat air? Huh, Shrockter? Tell me that!" You say, half joking half serious. Shrockter starts filming you go on a rant. "In the air world does thin air make fun of fat air? Does fat air have fat air children? Does fat air make new year's resolutions to become thinner; and therefore conform to the thin air's wishes of fat air genocide?" You would go on but the sound of a massive car backfires around the corner. Suddenly, a bunch of taxis surround you in the allyway. [[Stand your ground|MEET MINGO]] [[Pretend you dont see them|MEET MINGO]] [[Turn and RUN and never look back|Turn and run!]] [[Run To The Hotel|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[You have already encountered Mingo, go back to the hotel and think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c2cb575a52334b30be2b57a4d68453ef.png" /> You bolt after Mingo, leaving Marty behind, (yelling) Freeze, asshole! You CHASE and RUN THROUGH THE LIBRARY: Funny, random, exaggerated, interaction as you get close to Mingo, grabbing at him, trying to trip him, punch him, as Mingo throws books behind him, moves printers in front of him, spits in the air, plowing through glass, chicken crates, mud pits, walls, crosses a fire pit, crosses himself, etc. It's an over exaggerated chase scene that ultimately goes through the whole library and out the back door onto the city streets. [[Continue|next15]]

<img src="img/sd_img/27bad8f128444edc8d2c8b129e44550e.png" /> You stay and try to kiss her, and sneak in a little necking. As in you get to touch neck to neck for a minute before kissing. But she is way too scared of the noises in the Library, and wants you to check it out. You understand, and are not currently interested in chasing rabbit trails, let alone crazy Hillbillys on the run. You have researched enough to understand that this town really is cursed and you will try to solve it. You decide to: [[Just take it easy and call it a night|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[Go To The Hotel and Think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[Chase After Mingo McRoy!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e7c4bfa7c6c540919a1520095702747c.png" /> You love to drink when its time to drink. Especially when nobody else is around, so you can relax. Forget about life for awhile. Forget about the fact that you almost died escaping from the Big Spider. Forget about the fact that you almost got eaten alive by the bride of Sasquatch. Forget about the fact that you just saved the world, just in the nick of time mind you. But you made it out alive, somehow. Ahh yes, you take another deep pull from the Papsy Vankinkles. Yummy Bur, Bur, Burbon! [[Keep Drinking]] [[Sleep Now|Continueinster3]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3038965a745b4dffbf21548db0da8e95.png" /> You put the bottle down for awhile and decide to rest. It's Just another journey you remind yourself; another mystery to solve, another train to nowhere. You almost didn't escape the Big Spider last time, but you made it out alive, somehow... Time to sleep and dream in a little inspiration for your next adventure. [[Sleep|Continueinster3]] [[Step off the train to get some fresh air first|Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/7ef6d9e24c064665910b852d99083296.png" /> You sleep and try to conjour up some inspiration for your next adventure. You are an expert at sleeping as you are determined to live by the old Chinese saying, "Man only has a set number of heartbeats. Skip workout, take nap." [[Fall asleep into a DREAM SEQUENCE]] [[Sleep but don't dream|You Awake]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5941a5202f074fc78841e4282b205487.png" /> You sit back into your bar stool and drink down your Chopin Martini. It's your favorite. You immediatly ask for another, and then another. You didn't always drink like this… But the non-stop pursuit for fortune and glory takes a toll on a man. You light up a cigarette when the bartender yells at you, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" You: [[Put the cigarette away and return to the pasanger car]] [[Continue to smoke anyway, who does this guy think he is?]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a233191492d24e5986921810c6042c1e.png" /> You sit back into your bar stool and drink down a cold beer. It's your favorite. You immediatly ask for another, and then another. You didn't always drink like this… But the non-stop pursuit for fortune and glory takes a toll on a man. You light up a cigarette when the bartender yells at you, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" You: [[Put the cigarette away and return to the pasanger car]] [[Continue to smoke anyway, who does this guy think he is?]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5941a5202f074fc78841e4282b205487.png" /> You sit back into your bar stool and drink down your Apple Juice. You don't drink anymore as the non-stop pursuit for fortune and glory takes a toll on a man. You don't have any more vices in life. HA! Yeah right, you hypocrite. You light up a cigarette and the bartender immediatly yells at you, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" You: [[Put the cigarette away and return to the pasanger car]] [[Continue to smoke anyway, who does this guy think he is?]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]]

<img src="img/sd_img/137cb528d3084bec8040f52527d2fe2e.png" /> Intense now, Shrockter interupts your thoughts and says, "I've got footage of both the Shatfield's and the McRoy's telling the whole story!" Footage? Proof? You wonder and turn your full attention to Shrockter. "Shatfield's? McRoy's? What do you know about those inbreeds?" You ask. "I told you, it's all back at the studio. That's why you are here!" Shrockter says, choking back a little baby burp up of vomit. "If you go back to the studio with me, I can show you. That China Doll looking boy in the limo was Little Crazy Mike Shatfield. He's the only decendent left of the Shatfield's Coal Mine Company and he's responsible for all of this, I CAN PROVE IT!" You think long and hard. If Shrockter is right, then you will need to go to the studio and begin your investigation. If Shrockter is wrong, then you will STILL need to go to the studio and begin your investigation; but at least then you can always blame him for everything later. So, you decide to: [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Forget about the storyline and just go drink at the bar|Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/aee6ec273f1b4d35bcefbc35e8c0da8a.png" /> You feel like you are on the right path to get her in the sack. You really don't care, but you are good at looking like you care. Okay, okay, okay, ... You hold back your wild passions, and stop pretending. She rattles on and on and on, about her dad and her life as a child ballerina, but you dont really care and just imagine her dancing naked on the table. So you decie to.... [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Decide to just keep this professional|Pay for all the drinks]] [[Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]] [[Endure the pain and ask her more about herself]]

<img src="img/sd_img/762614020b1f477290c534e349582640.png" /> You feel like you are on the right path to get her in the sack. But, being actually interested in someone with a lighthearted tone is most likely the way to find true love. You want to get know her, and the best way is to get to know someone is to find out what they like, now what they ARE like. Marty is soooo happy you asked, and she reveals that her top movies of all time are, Willy Wonksian, Predatorian, and Over the Topski. [[Say that, YOUR TOP 3 MOVIES are the exact same! Mirror her!]] [[Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]] [[Tell Marty what your Top 3 Movies Are]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5531da3ec0e2450b92b1d6fe687d42d3.png" /> "Let's go back to your place and keep this flame burning, baby", You say whle buttoning up your shirt. "No," She says, "Let's just keep this professional." [[Agree and Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]] [[Stay Gentle, and ask her what truly motivates her soul]]

<img src="img/sd_img/7293ee4703d84264814fda198173da1b.png" /> You don't stop. And why would ya? Who cares about public indecensy when you are the public. You are Chip Ceasar afterall. You rip each others clothes off. And you both wildly make love, kissing every body part over and over again. Ofcourse, the bartender calls the cops, and you both end up in jail. Shit, and you're lawyer screws you BIG Time!!! You end up getting blammed for a murder that happend just down the street. You can't believe your luck, you are now in jail for life! All for a quickie... Was it worth it? [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/823a0ecfa8a5407889c60e9afa2dbb8c.png" /> Okay, okay, okay, ... You hold back your wild passions, and stop. You both are breathing heavily and decide to not make a public scene. "Let's go back to your place and keep this flame burning, baby", You say whle buttoning up your shirt. "No," She says, "Let's just keep this professional." So you, [[Agree and Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Ask her again really really really nicely]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8c03ff4bda9e4d3b931c513d3697ed45.png" /> Mirroring a female is one of the absolute BEST moves you could ever do. You tell her that you love her movie pics and that yours are the exact same! [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Decide to just keep this professional|Pay for all the drinks]] [[Ask her to go to her place for the night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/95da8840a6584befacfb233e83491510.png" /> You can't take the embarassment anymore. These people are Hicks! You smile, pat her on the back and run away as fast as you can, never to be seen again. You don't have it anymore. You're too old, and too drunk to get with this chick and solving mysteries is just not your thing anymore. You leave on the next train and go rent an apartment in Idaho somewhere and retire in a mobile home park with all the rest of the Trailer Park Guys. You eventually die from old age just living the rest of your life watching TV and eating Hottest Prockets from the microwave. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3ecc36dff47242dfbbd4bb0d119b5a3b.png" /> You have high standards, VERY high standards when it comes to the Top 3 Movie Pics of ALL TIME! You Tell her that yours are: [[GodDaddy, Airplane Ride, and Superous Trooperous]] [[Backroad House, Green Dawn, and Especially Dirty Dancing]] [[Brocky 1, 2, and 3]] [[Way beyound her intellegence level|Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2ea1a8a9f4114636a2ac5c49323d4ff4.png" /> You are super determined to get this girl in bed. You are truly a Chip off the old block, Chip. You are close to sweeping this girl off her feet. After listening to 30 more minutes of this girl ramble on and on about her life and dreams you feel its time to: [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Decide to just keep this professional|Pay for all the drinks]] [[Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]] [[Ask her to go to her place for the night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/11dc8f6e54a94d89b14a5616e02848a6.png" /> You are persistant and perceivingly genuine. She buys it! You pay the bill, stay gentle, put on her coat, put on yours, and usher her out to catch a cab. You guys catch a cab. You tell a few jokes and gently put your arm around her shoulder. You did everything right by staying as gentle as possible until the last possible minute before making your move. You end up back at her place and screw all night long. This was a RARE win for Chip Ceasar (even though you think it happens all the time, it does not). You get to make love to a beautiful woman AND continue the story without dying. You wake up in the morning after the best night of your life, and decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8c03ff4bda9e4d3b931c513d3697ed45.png" /> You tell her you love her movie pics, but that yours a bit different It doesn't matter, as long as you make a quality connection and show that you are fun and interested in her mind as well as her body. You feel good and decide to: [[ Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Decide to just keep this professional|Pay for all the drinks]] [[Ask her to go to her place for the night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8c03ff4bda9e4d3b931c513d3697ed45.png" /> You tell her you love her movie pics, but that yours a bit different It doesn't matter, as long as you make a quality connection and show that you are fun and interested in her mind as well as her body. You feel good and decide to: [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night|Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Decide to just keep this professional|Pay for all the drinks]] [[Ask her to go to her place for the night]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5e2009b95edf4020b26a19c88d89cfef.png" /> You turn to look at the Shatfield Portrait one more time, and cant believe the resemblance. HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU! "Dad?" you think to yourself. Or, did you just say that outloud? [[Take a swig from the flask and forget about it]] [[Add the images to your impressive memory and continue the tour]] [[Wait for the opportune time to steal the Shatfield PORTRAITS off of the wall]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9e29730c1f394219abcc186639bfa9a8.png " /> You quickly wrap your arms around Shrockter's face, silencing him. KINSLEY, "Excuse me?" You step back, "Oh, nothing. He just has little seizures every once in awhile. You know, little pukes, little seizures, that's all." Shrockter twitches. KINSLEY, "These interruptions are not diamonds, ladies and gentlemen. We must be as smooth as diamonds." "Yes, I understand," You say, "By all means, please, continue." Kinsley rolls his eyes, and then proceeds down the hall. [[Continues to follow along on the tour]] [[Lags behind as the rest of the crew follows Kinsley down the hall]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9e29730c1f394219abcc186639bfa9a8.png " /> KINSLEY, "Excuse me? What did you just say?" You back off and say, "Oh, nothing. Shrock didn't say anything. He just has little seizures every once in awhile. You know, little pukes, little seizures, that's all." Shrockter twitches. KINSLEY remarks sternly, "These interruptions are not diamonds, ladies and gentlemen; not diamonds at all. We must be as smooth as diamonds at all times, is that understood?" You don't want to argue with the nut job, so you kindly agree, "By all means, please, yes continue." Kinsley rolls his eyes, and then proceeds down the hall. You let go of Shrockter and.. [[Continues to follow along on the tour]] [[Lags behind as the rest of the crew follows Kinsley down the hall]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0c9dea7495f7469e83dbcc227cfe45f7.png" /> INT. DOWN THE MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS Kinsley goes on and on about the Shatfield family history, and mentions all the great things they have done for the community over the years. He shows you artifacts and old maps and old pictures of trains... No mention of the McRoy's. No mention of any chinese slaves. No Coal mines. Like it was all a lie or one big cover up. Kinsley, notices you are deep in thought and startles you. KINSLEY, "You must act like you are watching diamonds. It's like there are diamonds everywhere. Just grab at them, smell them, viss... viss... visualize them. Act like you are watching diamonds, and you will become them." You are sure something is being covered up here, so you [[Ask Kinsley about the Coal Mine]] [[Ask Kinsley about the McRoy's]] [[Ask Kinsley about Chinese slaves]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]] [[You've learned enough here and go to the Hotel|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5e2009b95edf4020b26a19c88d89cfef.png" /> You lag behind and let everyone else go to the front of the line ahead of you. You turn to look at the Shatfield Portrait one more time and cant believe the resemblance. "Dad?" you think to yourself. Or, did you say that outloud? [[Take a swig from the flask and forget about it]] [[Wait for the opportune time to steal the Shatfield PORTRAITS off of the wall]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9e29730c1f394219abcc186639bfa9a8.png" /> You decide to forget about the resemblance. It must be a coincidence. So you follow along on the tour. INT. DOWN THE MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS Kinsley goes on and on about the Shatfield family history, and mentions all the great things they have done for the community over the years. He shows you artifacts and old maps and old pictures of trains... No mention of the McRoy's. No mention of any chinese slaves. No Coal mines. Like it was all a lie or one big cover up. Kinsley, notices you are deep in thought and startles you. KINSLEY, "You must act like you are watching diamonds. It's like there are diamonds everywhere. Just grab at them, smell them, viss... viss... visualize them. Act like you are watching diamonds, and you will become them." You are sure something is being covered up here, so you [[Ask Kinsley about the Coal Mine]] [[Ask Kinsley about the McRoy's]] [[Ask Kinsley about Chinese slaves]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1a04ca6eb017491ba06aad0c48f53466.png" /> INT. MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS You scurry down the hallway carrying several PORTRAITS under your arm. Thankfully no alarm was set off, as you start to look for a place to hide them. You turn left, then right, and smashing some artifacts on either side of you, making some loud noises, very clumsy you are. INT. DOWN THE MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS Kinsley hears the noise and snaps around and pushes his wayback through the crowd. KINSLEY, "What in the name of diamonds is going on here, Marty? Somebody is not acting like diamonds. INT. MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS You turn and notice Kinsley coming around the corner, so you: [[Turn and run!]] [[Look for a place to hide]] [[Drop the charade and demand a DNA test!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/dc64465d83c5490a98237286aac5d57e.png" /> You turn to look for a place to hide and notice an ARMORED STATUE. You race towards it, and Just before Kinsley reaches the corner, you hide behind the statue. Immediatly, you are ROTATED behind a secret revolving wall door, ultimately replacing an exact replica of the Armored Statue wall setting. Kinsley stampedes around the corner, squints his eyes, looking down the empty hallway. No diamonds, no flush," Kinsley stomps off and goes back to the tour. Meanwhile, you are now inside the museum walls [[Continue|Next17]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a96d475542c541dba94aff998aea9f5d.png" /> You drop everything and run for it. You don't stop, ever! You become obsessed with running and run across America, just like that retarded kid did, Ricky Retardo. Or was it Jungle Fump? Maybe it was Deloras Stump, but either way, you run for a really long time. By the time you stop running, everyone has forgotten your name and everything the Chip Ceasar name built for you is all gone. You try to make a blog about your running adventures, but only get like 10 views. No one ever really hears from you again. Some say Shrockter came looking for you a few times, but didn't make it very far, curse and all. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1a04ca6eb017491ba06aad0c48f53466.png" /> You ask Kinsley if he knows anything about the coal mine here in Winooskiski. He immediatly points you to a map on the wall showing the location of the coal mine. He insists that all historical facts are here at the Shatfield museum, and that there is no evidence of any wrong doing, let alone a curse that exists on the city of Bellighamskiski. [[Ask Kinsley about the McRoy's]] [[Ask Kinsley about Chinese slaves]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]] [[You've learned enough here and go to the Hotel|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1a04ca6eb017491ba06aad0c48f53466.png" /> You ask Kinsley if he knows anything about the McRoy family here in Winooskiski. He immediatly denies the existance of any McRoy family. He insists that all historical facts are here at the Shatfield museum, and that there is no evidence of their ever being a McRoy family, let alone a curse that exists on the city of Bellighamskiski. [[Ask Kinsley about the Coal Mine]] [[Ask Kinsley about Chinese slaves]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]] [[You've learned enough here and go to the Hotel|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1a04ca6eb017491ba06aad0c48f53466.png" /> You ask Kinsley if he knows anything about Chinese slaves here in Winooskiski. He immediatly denies the existance of any Chinese slaves. He insists that all historical facts are here at the Shatfield museum, and that there is no evidence of their ever being Chinese slaves, let alone a curse that exists on the city of Bellighamskiski. [[Ask Kinsley about the Coal Mine]] [[Ask Kinsley about the McRoy's]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]] [[You've learned enough here and go to the Hotel|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3dcfb36e340f4afda7169a882c02b64a.png" /> You surprise Kinsley by asking him if you can go inspect the Clock Tower. Tilting his head, he wonders why you would want to do such a thing. You say that Shrockter said there was a curse on this town and that the clock on the clock tower doesn't work because of that curse. Kinsley insists that there is no curse, and that the reason the clock tower doesn't work is because of power line issues. So you say, [[IF there is no curse, then why can't I go check it out for myself?]] [[You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[Agree with Kinsley, but cross your fingers because you really know he's lying|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4943ee49218b4af4967b7fc2859af5ee.png" /> You stand your ground. You are Chip Ceasar for goodness sake and you want answers; and you want them now! And a DNA test, damnit! Kinsley is flabbergasted to find you holding all of those paintings. He threatens to call the police, but you show him the resemblance. You say that you are an orphan, and that John Panda Jr found you alone on the streets of Las Vegas and that's how you got your name. You started working for John Panda Jr as a hustler and numbers runner as a kid and never knew your real family or family name. Kinsley reaches up a finger, revealing nasty long fingernail, and shooshes Chip. "One minute please," Kinsley says as he gets out his cell phone and makes a call. [[Continue|next16]]

<img src="img/sd_img/44996cb5ae6f46b6a1be91970f5df0aa.png" /> "Excuse me, sir?" Kinsley speaks to a faint voice on the other end of the phone. "Yes, it's complete diamonds. He is ready to see you now, sir. Yes. Yes, uh huh, yes... He knows." Kinsley nods and bows and acknowledges the person on the other end of the call... He agrees one more time and then puts the cell phone in his pocket. "Now you've done it. Crazy Mike Shatfield wants to see you now. He is the lone heir of the Shatfield estate. We shall see about you soon enough, little Chip Shatfield McRoy Ceasar diamond pants boy. [[Bring it on! You say. Let's get this over with]] [[Say nevermind, you don't really want to go anywhere anyway.]] [[Turn and run!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2684716168284a02badf1f6029cb2a0e.png" /> A bunch of security gaurds grab you by the arms and escort you out of the museum and into a limosene waiting for you outside. Inside the limo is Fashioned to the likes of DR. CLAWS from Detective Gradgets. You see the hand of Crazy Mike Shatfield slice up some fruit cake with his long and curled pinky fingernail. The Limo Driver peers through the rear view mirror and says, "Is that good, fruit cake?" Crazy Mike in the most teen age annoyed voice demands an answer, "What did you just call me? You're the fruit cake, Mr. fruit cake." Crazy Mike smashes the fruit cake, "Welcome Chip Ceasar! Or should I say Uncle Chester McField!" Crazy mike presses the close driver window button and begins to laugh. "Take us to the castle." [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2684716168284a02badf1f6029cb2a0e.png" /> TOO LATE! Kinsley yells, your ass is grass now. A bunch of security gaurds grab you by the arms and escort you out of the museum and into a limosene waiting for you outside. Inside the limo is Fashioned to the likes of DR. CLAWS from Detective Gradgets. You see the hand of Crazy Mike Shatfield slice up some fruit cake with his long and curled pinky fingernail. The Limo Driver peers through the rear view mirror and says, "Is that good, fruit cake?" Crazy Mike in the most teen age annoyed voice demands an answer, "What did you just call me? You're the fruit cake, Mr. fruit cake." Crazy Mike smashes the fruit cake, "Welcome Chip Ceasar! Or should I say Uncle Chip Shatfield" Crazy mike presses the close driver window button and begins to laugh. "Take us to the castle." [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes]]

<img src="img/sd_img/48a3c45f4d0f454d9bea95c51d5545e1.png" /> You caught Kinsley in his lies. He shrugs and says it's no problem, "If you want to go inside the clock tower, then fine, you can go inside the clock tower. As Long as you remain Diamonds, then Diamonds you remain." Kinsley's diamond talk has you bothered now. It was funny for a minute, but now you can tell He is crazy and a very suspicious character. Anywho, you decide to: [[You really don't need to go into the clock tower, you just wanted to prove him wrong]] [[Go Into the Clock Tower|Next17]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9dd6abfce0f84ed39737a6ad918e063a.png" /> INT. CHIP'S HOTEL MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT We PAN ACROSS Chip's hotel room revealing hundreds of empty beer bottles and wine bottles all over the place. There are ashtrays all over the room, full of cigarettes. We follow the smoke of an already lit cig as Chip picks it up and smokes. You are relaxing on the bed, holding a remote, FAST-FORWARDING through interviews on your laptop. Shrockter is on the other queen bed SNORRING LOUDLY. You put your earphones and continue to research. INSERT - TV FOOTAGE OF INTERVIEWS IN FAST-FORWARD, STOP, FAST-FORWARD. You starts to doze off, so you open your briefcase and pull out your BANKY and OSMOSIS BY OSMOSIS BOOK. You doze off and dive into deep sleep and begin to dream. INTERTWINE THE INTERVIEWS WITH SUBCONSCIOUS CLUES ABOUT THE COAL MINE, THE SECRET ROAD TO CHINA, AND THE CURSE. You see explosions, faces of chinese slaves, faces of people that look exactly like you, and swirliving vortex separting the two. The DREAM SEQUENCE comes to an abrupt halt, as you are awaken to the sounds of barfing and coughing. [[Continue|Hotel 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e8254079a53b474ea9d6508dad1cac60.png" /> You drive Shrockter's van up the winding driveway to an anciently Chinese built CASTLE. The castle sits atop the highest peak in the county and overlooks the entire city of Winooskiski. The driveway follows the crest of a very steep cliffside and has no guard rails. Lightning and thunger and a storm of rain begins to crash down on the entire scene. As you make your final approach, you notice the limousene parked in front of the Castle round-a-bout and decide to: [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!]] [[Hit the gas, and crash right into the front door!]] [[Stop the van, and tell Shrockter to get out, and sneak up from behind.]] [[Drive up normally and simply knock on the door.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/76c7164f438a40e9980e8aae0de2d481.png" /> You light a cigarette and nod in approval at yourself, "Not bad huh?" you say. Crazy Mike shreaks, "YES! But you will never live to see the day tand solve this mystery, Chester McField." "Chester McField?" You wonder outload. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." Crazy Mike shreaks again, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China." Crazy Mike opens a closet door, revealing a swirling vortex to outter dimensions. Crazy Mike motions to Limo driver, "We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver turns towards you and start to push you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal and say, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" [[The Final Step|Final steps 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/76c7164f438a40e9980e8aae0de2d481.png" /> You light a cigarette and nod in approval at yourself, "Not bad huh?" you say. CRAZY MIKE shreaks, "YES! But you will never live to see the day tand solve this mystery, Chester McField." "Chester McField?" You wonder outload. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE shreaks again, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China." Crazy mike opens a closet door, revealing a swirling vortex to outter dimensions. CRAZY MIKE motions to Limo driver, "We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver turns towards you and start to push you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal and say, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" [[The Final Step|Final steps 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf16ff741e564c23adf9da7622ed1ba9.png" /> Crazy Mike wheels around and faces the closet, turning his back to you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. You try not to laugh. "You think that's funny do ya?" Crazy Mike says. "Well I will be the one laughing after I make billions in chinese merchandise from the portal straight to Beijing!" Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." You look at a small closet door. "Go ahead, see for yourself," Crazy Mike says, "The Secret road to China is right there." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet]] [[No, it's too scary]] [[Pull out your gun and fire it into the air]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ab8401c8ebb9498fac1ec38a56b227f6.png" /> Crazy Mike wheels around and faces the closet, turning his back to you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. You try not to laugh and try to think about the Mariners winning the World Series. Yes, that will keep you sad and silent. "You think that's funny do ya?" Crazy Mike says. "Well I will be the one laughing after I make billions in chinese merchandise from the portal straight to Beijing!" Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." You take a look at a small closet door. "Go ahead, see for yourself," Crazy Mike says, "The Secret road to China is right there." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet]] [[No, it's too scary]]

<img src="img/sd_img/76c7164f438a40e9980e8aae0de2d481.png" /> You open the closet and can't believe your eyes. Behold, The Secret Road To China. A a set of railroad tracks, with a small train cart on it, sits in front of a massive swirling vortex. Inside the small train cart you see that it is filled with tiny dolls, all of which resemble YOU! Little Chip Ceasar dolls, complete with stetson hat, side bag, old suit coat and empty side arm holster. "You have got to be kidding me," you manage to say outloud. "Nope, you are the key to the entire production my friend." Crazy mike smiles. You light a cigarette and nod in approval at the dolls, "Not bad, actually." CRAZY MIKE shreaks, "YUP!!! They will make me a millionaire seven times over every Christmas. But you will never live to see the day to solve this mystery, Chester McField." You are surprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man. CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. Your presence here is the only way to keep the vortex open at all times." CRAZY MIKE motions to the Limo Driver. "It's TIME! Do IT!!! Push him in! We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver says, "I know, you already said that." He begrudgingly moves towards you and pushes you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal and say, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" [[The Final Step|Final steps 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/76c7164f438a40e9980e8aae0de2d481.png" /> IT's TOO LATE Crazy Mike opens the closet and you can't believe your eyes. Behold, The Secret Road To China. A a set of railroad tracks, with a small train cart on it, sits in front of a massive swirling vortex. Inside the small train cart you see that it is filled with tiny dolls, all of which resemble YOU! Little Chip Ceasar dolls, complete with stetson hat, side bag, old suit coat and empty side arm holster. "You have got to be kidding me," you manage to say outloud. "Nope, you are the key to the entire production my friend." Crazy mike smiles. You light a cigarette and nod in approval at the dolls, "Not bad, actually." CRAZY MIKE shreaks, "YUP!!! They will make me a millionaire seven times over every Christmas. But you will never live to see the day to solve this mystery, Chester McField." You are surprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man. CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. Your presence here is the only way to keep the vortex open at all times." CRAZY MIKE motions to the Limo Driver. "It's TIME! Do IT!!! Push him in! We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver says, "I know, you already said that." He begrudgingly moves towards you and pushes you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal and say, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" [[The Final Step|Final steps 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/50a4aa6470cb430abb1343c0e0fefa11.png" /> INT. CLOCK TOWER STAIRCASE - CONT. You now notice that you are inside the museum walls with a staircase behind you leading to the Clock Tower! You try to take a pull from an empty flask. You snub, "Dang, How misfortunate. Empty Shmempty!" From atop the staircase, we see Mingo McRoy lurking in the shadows atop the staircase, spying on you. Shifting around, Mingo knocks a bottle OFF and falls DOWN the stairwell. You look around and notices a crate of booze, unopened sitting on the ground. You bend down to grab some booze, causing the crashing bottle from above to just barely miss your head. You look BACK and FORTH from the smashed bottle on the floor to the top of the staircase, "Now that's alcohol abuse, man." [[Climb the stairs to the Clock Tower]] [[Escape back to Shrockter's Studio|Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1cc686d9b3c2472297edbe3c7d33dac0.png" /> You continue up the staircase and into the workings of the clock itself. As you climb to the top, you see Mingo release FALCOR, the messenger pigeon, before sneaking out of the clock tower stairwell through a secret door. Falcor the messanger pigeon flys to you and lands on your arm. CLOSER, WE SEE THAT FALCOR HAS A SCROLL ATTACHED TO HIS LEG. You read the scroll, dang its written in Chinese. Been a long time since you've read Chinese Script. "Hmm. It says here: Old Chinese proverb. MAYO LING SHO TI. May you live in Interesting times... Time... Hmm..." you scratch your head and think You try to sound it out, "(sounding out Chinese)...Sabot. Time." You look closer at the gears of the clock. [[Continue|Next18]]

<img src="img/sd_img/07188f629a67494390f722f617233237.png" /> You look and see that there is a SANDLE jammed into the gears. That's a sabot," you yell outload. "A Sabot. A wooden shoe worn by Chinese peasants during the time of the industrial revolution. They used to jam these things into machinery as an act of rebellion. Thus, the word sabotage." You reach out and yank out the sabot from the gears, springing the clock to LIFE. The CLOCK strikes 10:00, SOUNDING off all the CHIMES. You feel proud of yourself to have solved the issue of the Clock Tower, but It hurts your ears to listen to those chimes, so you: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]] [[Go back to the Hotel to think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[Continue the Investigation at the Public Library|Go To the Library as planned]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4943ee49218b4af4967b7fc2859af5ee.png" /> "No, it's okay," you say, "I already know that you are lying. You are not diamonds, and you probably don't even own any diamonds. " Kinsley is massively offended and orders you and the crew to immediatly get out of the museum. [[Get out of there and go back to the Hotel to think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]] [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/2a6ec97878a641f793ba8c5f9a0fdce4.png" /> INT. HOTEL – DAY It's just your typical small town hotel room. You had some good sleep. Shrockter slept on the floor, and he slept like a snoring baby. We PAN to the bathroom door as Shrockter COUGHS loudly from within the bathroom. Shrockter finally walks out of the bathroom, naked. You yell at him, "Holy crap, Shrockter! Put some clothes on. You've been in there hacking up a lung forever." SHROCKTER yells back, "No I wasn't. I was taking a shower." You laugh, "What, a spit bath? SHROCKTER questions back, "Huh? what do you mean?" You shake your head, "What the hell are you doing here anyway, Shrockter? Don't you know what time it is?" SHROCKTER, "I thought you wanted me to stay and review footage. You do a double take, "Well I did, I mean, I have been. You secretly stuff your BANKY back into your briefcase. You continue and say, "In one way or another... Shrockter laughs at your blanket. [[Continue|Hotel 3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/70e019659737451b9e3203676cafb099.png" /> Shrockter chuckles, chokes, and then surprisingly pulls a tooth out of his mouth. Saves that one for later. SHROCKTER, "Uh... So... What do you want to do next, Chip? You jump out of bed and get ready for the day, "Well, I think YOU, should call the law offices of James Sockolove, while I do an archeological dig in that damn coal mine! We'll prove, once and for all, that there were Chinese slaves inside those mines left for dead. SHROCKTER, "How are we going to do that, Chip? You light a cigarette and remark, "Somehow we need to get access into Shatfield's land, that's all; just a couple million dollars of expediting equipment, a few human bones and some Chinese artifacts should do the trick." SHROCKTER, "Is it that easy? You get a bit manic and say, "We'll throw this whole town into revolution and we'll all become famous. You'll be able to get your own place finally, and, and, yes, maybe... even a girlfriend, Shrockter." SHROCKTER, "Do you really think my Uncle will go for it?" [[Video Conference John Panda Jr and ask for more money]] [[Skip the Conference Call and Shoot the Documentary Gorrilla style|Begin Doc Gorilla Style]] [[Actually, you don't think John Panda Jr will go for it. Get some crack and really become one with streets]]

<img src="img/sd_img/d8ee5be4d32643dfb0a95496064d635e.png" /> EXT. STREETS OF SWELLINGHAM – NIGHT – FOGGY – 8MM CAMERA You step out of the shadows and begin your opening monologue: "Mining has always been a dangerous occupation. Many men have come out injured, maimed, or not at all... But for 43 men, on the morning of April 8th, more than 100 years ago today, they would find an even scarier sight... (BEGIN REENACTMENT) Your Voice Over Continues, "...At the sound of a large explosion at the mouth of the Shatfield Canyon Coal Mine, rock came tumbling down, closing them off, trapping them all inside... ALIVE!" You turn another corner down an a smoke filled ally and continue, "No one was there to un-bury the rubble; no one was there, to find the 23 Asian Americans, Big Andy McRoy, and another small handful of miners... But, most importantly, no one was there to witness what caused the explosion. (beat) Who or what was behind this disaster? Was it was foul play --" UMPIRE OFF SCREEN YELL, "Foul ball!" <img src="img/sd_img/9cf2a66ac0514c7dba5e3b3c2e9f52ff.png" /> Your Voice Over Continues, "Or, just mere mishap? You wonder outload, "Maybe, The wrong setting of a stick of dynamite, or too many fire crackers hidden underneath a rock? WE JUST DON'T KNOW..." EXPLOSION. BOOM <img src="img/sd_img/a616dcfe28b5463ca6ef28305c6b2d14.png" /> Your Voice Over Continues, "But we do know this, on that day, the Shatfield's and McRoy's, after years of feuding, came to an impasse…" Continuing around a dark ally, "Generation after generation of vengeful retaliation came to the Shatfield's by the hands of the McRoy's, virtually wiping each other's family line off the face of the earth. (beat) While the last remaining Shatfield, known as Crazy Mike Shatfield, has declined any attempt of professional interrogation, you have heard testimonials from... CUT TO: ROTATING PROFILES OF MINGO MCROY, FATHER MICHELLO, J.R. KINSLEY, DOYLE BRITT, A CHINESE PROFESSOR, A GASTROENTEROLOGIST, A FOOTBALL TEAM, THE HOT-DOG VENDOR, NERDS, SIM-BOTS, TWO INDIANS, AND JOHN SHATFIELD. (END REENACTMENT) [[Continue Documentary]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9e29730c1f394219abcc186639bfa9a8.png" /> You have a photographic memmory. Literally. You have every picture you have ever seen memorized. You can't read very well, but you can see pictures in full color! So you follow along on the tour. INT. DOWN THE MUSEUM HALL – CONTINUOUS Kinsley goes on and on about the Shatfield family history, and mentions all the great things they have done for the community over the years. He shows you artifacts and old maps and old pictures of trains... No mention of the McRoy's. No mention of any chinese slaves. No Coal mines. Like it was all a lie or one big cover up. Kinsley, notices you are deep in thought and startles you. KINSLEY, "You must act like you are watching diamonds. It's like there are diamonds everywhere. Just grab at them, smell them, viss... viss... visualize them. Act like you are watching diamonds, and you will become them." You are sure something is being covered up here, so you [[Ask Kinsley about the Coal Mine]] [[Ask Kinsley about the McRoy's]] [[Ask Kinsley about Chinese slaves]] [[Ask if you can go inside to the Clock Tower]]

<img src="img/sd_img/81f756978c1044f6ae5987bff294ab6a.png" /> INT. VIDEO CONFERENCING STUDIO – DAY CONTROL ROOM w/ VIEW STATION BLUE SCREEN BACKDROP. Shrockter wires a lapel microphone on Chip as he faces up to the camera. STATIC: INT. CONTROL ROOM – CONTINUOUS Shrockter speaks into a microphone, watching the video-conference on the control room MONITORS. SHROCKTER, "Hello, Mr. Uncle Panda Industries site, this is the Shrockter and Campbell...can you see and hear us good? PANDA, "Yes, Shrockter, I can see and hear you. Although I wouldn't necessarily say it's a good thing. Chip! What can I do for you, my man? You snark back, "Does a man have to give his friend and mentor a video-conference call at a dreadfully early hour such as this, just to be in need of something, John? [[Continue|Panda Conf Call 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/41892716b32643958b4da7c4794d9b79.png" /> PANDA sits back in his chair, slightly amused or annoyed, you can't tell.. "I'd be quite disappointed in you, Chip, if you had it any other way." You agree, "Naturally." PANDA stammers on, "Don't patronize me, Chip, my father got better treatment from the Panda bear that eventually took his life. So, let's get to the point here, fellas. You jump in and say, "Well John, to put it bluntly, (you light a cigar) I'd like to make you the next Abraham Lincoln. PANDA, "President? I don't want to be President, Chip. You shake it off, "Oh, no, something that takes much more intelligence, sir. I have a theory about this place that might interest you. But to prove it, we're going to have to do an archeological dig in one of the coal mines. And as you well know, an archeological dig is going to bring us extremely over budget." PANDA yells, "What is this, WATERWORLD?! [[CONTINUE|Panda Conf Call 3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e07c7a4909b7407db6fd16818c1b5e31.png" /> You lean back and almost fall of your chair. You answer back, "No, I'm no Krevis Kostney. I can't even swim. But, If we can find Chinese bones inside this coal mine, not only will we break the curse of Winooskiski, we could prove once and for all the truth about Chinese slaves in America. And ultimately, you, John, will be known as the man who freed the slaves. PANDA, "What? I'm surprised at you, Chip Caesar; It seems to me that you've missed the point. I don't care about Chinese slaves or the so called truth. There's only two things I'm interested in, you know that, Chip. Fortune and Glory! And I'm not going to spend a fortune on something just to bring some belated social justice to a group of people who don't even vote." You agree but disagree, "Hey c'mon now, John. You're the one who sent me up here, and I'm telling you this baby is real." PANDA shakes his head, "Real? Have you forgotten everything I taught you, Chip?! Just make it up! You remember the Mendoza Documentary, don't you? You try not to show the embarassment, "All too well, sir. PANDA continues to yell at you, "Wrap it up! I'm tired of funding my Nephew's crap! You got that, Shrockter?! Just find the Secret Road To China, if it even exists. Finish this documentary, and get the hell out of that place as soon as possible." Panda points a remote towards the CAMERA. He HANGS-UP the conference. [[CONTINUE with Documentary|Panda Conf Call 4]] [[Sulk and Continue to the Hotel Bar|Continue to Hotel Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/46f07e5c9f9d41eba0987dfaa86bdc40.png" /> EXT. STREETS OF SWELLINGHAM – NIGHT – FOGGY – 8MM CAMERA A Smoke machine fills the city streets as you begin the documentary monologue. You step out of the shadows and begin your opening monologue: "Mining has always been a dangerous occupation. Many men have come out injured, maimed, or not at all... But for 43 men, on the morning of April 8th, more than 100 years ago today, they would find an even scarier sight... (BEGIN REENACTMENT) YOU CONTINUE THE VOICE OVER "...At the sound of a large explosion at the mouth of the Shatfield Canyon Coal Mine, rock came tumbling down, closing them off, trapping them all inside... ALIVE! No one was there to un-bury the rubble; no one was there, to find the 23 Asian Americans, Big Andy McRoy, and another small handful of miners... But, most importantly, no one was there to witness what caused the explosion. (beat) Who or what was behind this disaster? Was it was foul play--" UMPIRE YELLS (VO), "Foul ball!" Back to you continuing to monologue, "– or – just mere mishap? The wrong setting of a stick of dynamite, or too many fire crackers hidden underneath a rock?" EXPLOSION SOUND CUT BACK TO YOU WALKING IN THE SHADOWS: <img src="img/sd_img/e628a83044814ae0b705372477eea53d.png" /> You continue the monologue, "But we do know this, on that day, the Shatfield's and McRoy's, after years of feuding, came to an impasse…(beat) Generation after generation of vengeful retaliation came to the Shatfield's by the hands of the McRoy's, virtually wiping each other's family line off the face of the earth. (beat) While the last remaining Shatfield, known as Crazy Mike Shatfield, has declined any attempt of professional interrogation, you have heard testimonials from..." CUT TO: ROTATING PROFILES OF MINGO MCROY, FATHER MICHELLO, J.R. KINSLEY, DOYLE BRITT, A CHINESE PROFESSOR, A GASTROENTEROLOGIST, A FOOTBALL TEAM, THE HOT-DOG VENDOR, NERDS, SIM-BOTS, TWO INDIANS, AND JOHN SHATFIELD. (END REENACTMENT) [[Continue Documentary]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3e6749ded4494d37b7b7a23ec67e8d0e.png" /> EXT. STREETS OF SWELLINGHAM – CONTINUOUS – FOGGY – 8MM CAMERA You appear from behind a building, and ZIP UP your pants, and then continue to walk towards the camera. Your MONOLOGUE CONTINUES: "From the context of this documentary, it would seem a curse has been laid upon this small town. And by having been given this knowledge it is up to you to decide! (beat) Who is responsible? Who is to blame? Was it the Shatfield's and their slave driving, monopolizing greed? Or was it revenge, delivered by the hands of the fedayeen Big Andy McRoy? (beat) MAYO LING PO CHOA SHO TI. Translation: May you live in interesting times. A curse? A hoax? A swindle? A sting perhaps? Who knows? And if you've ever been slapped by a beautiful woman in the heat of passion, after an intense video-conference, then you know what it is like to be in my shoes. And if you know what it is like to be in my shoes, then you know what it is like to be cursed. (beat) I'm Chip Caesar, bringing you another edition of the Paranormal and Beyond. Nostalvia, Perestroika, Skoal, Cowpi, and Goodbye." Music CRESCENDOS as fog FILLS the shot! [FUNNY DISCLAIMER: WARNING!] ROLL DOCUMENTARY CREDITS FADE OUT: [[Continue to Studio]]

<img src="img/sd_img/8d0a608b992640ec9c93a5bb3a8aa002.png" /> INT Studio - DAY - CONT Marty presses stop on the editing playback screen. She's obviously not happy with the results and addresses you, "So, that's it? We literelly didn't do any of those things." Shrockter looks over at Marty and then UP at you. You wave her off, "It's over. The big man wants results and that's where I draw the line, man. Quick and easy with this one. That's a wrap." Shrockter looks at Marty, scared and sad. MARTY, "What about the curse? And Crazy Mike Shatfield, and the coal mine, and Mingo McRoy? How the hell are we going to end this thing?" You laugh, "We'll just have to make something up. Throw in some fireworks, some CG, maybe a gun fight or two, whatever Deus ex Machina God in the sky solution we can come up with." MARTY angry now, "Are you really that full of crap, that you won't stick it out with us, with me, and finish something for real this time? You remark to yourself, "Perhaps a long and dry Robert Stacksi monologue, and a magic wand." MARTY continues, "You promised that you'd help us break the curse of Winooskiski!" You continue to talk to yourself, "We definitely need a fog machine." MARTY jumps up and yells at you, "You idiot. Can't you see that you are a part of this story now? You were our only hope to break this curse wide open!" [[So what, your job is done. Time to go home!]] [[Explain yourself further]] [[Listen to her and follow her advise]]

<img src="img/sd_img/84a0295cbb0d44379848c026003c6aff.png" /> You know it's time to leave before shit gets wierd. At least you finished the documentary, the editors and producors and marketers can do the rest. Your job here is done. You weren't hired to break a curse, or find a Secret Road to China. Your job was to put a documentary in the can. Screw love. Screw friendship. You are Chip Ceasar and its time to move on. You pull a French Exit and say you have to go to the bathroom, knowing full well you are going to sneak out the back door. [[Hit Up The Hotel Bar before you sneak away|Continue to Hotel Bar]] [[Sneak our the back door and don't look back|Completely disagree and tell her she's stupid]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3c52096ee0af438ebfb5ca5bc32c5ffe.png" /> You try to explain yourself the best you can. But it's not easy for you to be genuine. So you think for a second and say, "Look, Marty, I didn't come here to solve a mystery. I came here to make a damn documentary, no matter how bad the ending is! Even if we use a Dues Ex Machina" Shrockter tugs on your arm. SHROCKTER, "What does Dues ex Machina mean?" You brush him off but answer shortly, "It's just like college, Shrockter. Cut and paste!" MARTY keeps fighting, "I know the truth about you, Chip Caesar, and you're a fake! That's not even your real name, Chester! You're just as inbred as anyone else." SHROCKTER is scared, "What is she talking about, Chip?" You quietly do your trademark two finger take double take to buy some thinking time. MARTY slaps you, "I wish I had never met you, asshole." Marty SLAPS you again HARDER, and then EXITS the studio in flurry. [[Go after her!]] [[Let her go and go to the hotel bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/58cb9e5344ad4bd0a4acec9f3c3d84c8.png" /> You run out of the studio and onto the streets. You see her walkind down the street and you run towards her You grab her by the shoulders and turn her towards you and say, "Out of all the documentaries in the film industry she had to direct mine. MARTY wipes away a tear and holds back her cries, "Will I ever see you again?" You take a breath, "Definitely not here, probably not in Washingtonia, and most likely nowhere even dreadfully close to this dump, but somewhere, yes, maybe..." Marty rushes into your arms. MARTY, "Oh, Chip, I cannot bear to live without you!" [[Ask her to join you back to LALA Land]] [[Kiss and say goodbye]] [[Change your mind and go the Shatfield Castle afterall]]

<img src="img/sd_img/259ce3d5ba5947c0b2143158e51fe94a.png" /> Shrockter watches Marty leave and then looks UP at you sheepishly. You see that Shrockter is hurt, and so are you, "Forget her, Shrockter. We'll find our God in the sky and go ahead as planned with or without our damsel in distress. SHROCKTER, "What are you talking about, Chip? We need to show what happened to all of those forgotten Chinese slaves! You shake your head, "Just get the gear ready and meet me at the bar... I'm gonna go get pissed! [[Continue to Hotel Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/67e1496e241340e58f3c93d78c602c4a.png" /> EXT. STREETS OF SWELLINGHAM – NIGHT – WIDE You walk down the street passing by the various characters you interviewed earlier. We arrive at the CHRIS CROSS BAR, revealing Mike Ennen the wake boarder, his flock of GIRLS, and the two INDIANS wearing STAFF shirts, all of which are PUFFING on a HUGE joint, outside of the bar. Mike Ennen takes a long and smoky drag. COUGHS. "Whoa, dude. This brings a whole new meaning to Joint Chiefs of Staff." The Indians nod as the GIRLS giggle. [[You enter the bar]] [[Change your mind and just go run away like a baby|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5117ccdc37ff4c7d9a3a166b503ebab5.png" /> You squeese her hand and say," Look, Doll Face, even though I'll probably regret helping out a dame like yourself, if you really want to break this curse and get out of this town, I've got two tickets on a plane ride outta here." You reach into your pocket and shows her your two AIRLINE TICKETS. MARTY, "Oh my, Chip, do you mean it? You quip, "Not really. But I've got a shit load of frequent flyer miles." MARTY, "You're such an asshole." You grab her tightly, "Bequeath me." You embrace and kiss. [[Be Serious and ask her to leave with you]] [[Pass it off as jovial banter and seriously say that it's time for you to go]] [[Be Serious and listen to what she has to say]]

<img src="img/sd_img/5117ccdc37ff4c7d9a3a166b503ebab5.png" /> You take a step back a bit and tilt your steston hat, and gives Marty a wink. You tell her that you've changed your mind and that your job is done. The documentary is made and you need to move on. You say," Look, Doll Face, even though I'll probably regret helping out a dame like yourself, if you really want to break this curse and get out of this town, I've got two tickets on a plane ride outta here." You show her your two AIRLINE TICKETS. MARTY, "Oh, do you mean it? You smirk, "Not really. But I've got a shit load of frequent flyer miles." MARTY, "You're such an asshole." You squeeze her tight, "Bequeath me." You embrace and kiss. Shrockter shows up and FILMS you kissing. SHROCKTER, "Hey guys, say something to the camera, for the next documentary." Marty releases you and wipes her lipstick off of your face. You turn to Shrockter sadly, "I'm taking off, Shrockter, back to the zoo and the orangutan. And if she'll have it, Marty's coming with me, Shrockter. My job here is finished, my friend. There won't be any more documentaries." Shrockter puts the camera down. SHROCKTER, "Ouch. What am I going to do?" You take a deep breath, "Well, Shrockter…" Marty exits as you walk toward Shrockter, "Your Jedi training is complete. You take off your hat, he looks at it a moment, then you place your hat on Shrockter's head, "Here, take this. I trust it'll take good care of ya, Shrockter. I know it has me." You stand back and take a long look at Shrockter. [[CONTINUE|Long Goodbye2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/855ed8db1df1402391aa7624f12faa7e.png" /> You decide to listen to Marty and stay. You want to continue the investigation and find the Secret Road to China and break the curse of Winooskiski. You drive Shrockter's van up the winding driveway to an anciently Chinese built CASTLE. The castle sits atop the highest peak in the county and overlooks the entire city of Winooskiski. The driveway follows the crest of a very steep cliffside and has no guard rails. Lightning and thunger and a storm of rain begins to crash down on the entire scene. As you make your final approach, you notice the limousene parked in front of the Castle round-a-bout and decide to: [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!|endoption2]] [[Hit the gas, and crash right into the front door!|endoption3]] [[Stop the van, and tell Shrockter to get out, and sneak up from behind|endoption4]] [[Drive up normally and simply knock on the door|endoption5]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9c7e5a55f20044e6a2d27ca6ec4f7086.png" /> Call it fate, call it luck, call it love, but you You decide to listen to Marty and stay. You want to continue the investigation and find the Secret Road to China and break the curse of Winooskiski. Marty is shocked as you tell her you have grown up a bit and want to listen to everything she has to say. She hugs you and says, "I know you are the one who can break this curse." You shake your head, "What makes you think I can break this damn curse anyway, Marty? I'm just a man. Are curses even real? Secret road to china's, sasquatch, hillbillys in westernized virgiana?" MARTY, "I think you should Come and listen to what Mike has to say. You act surprised, "Mike? You mean Crazy Mike Shatfield? Oh, so he's Mike now." "Yes," she says, "Let's call the Shatfield limosene and have him pick us up." You are a bit surprised that she is speaking about them so friendly like, but maybe she is just being nice with you... You decide to: [[Call the Shatfield Limosene]] [[Go alone, with Shrockter in the Studio Van]] [[Aww, never mind. Your job is done here! Say the Long Goodbye]] [[Aww never mind. Your job is done here! Say the quick Goodbye]]

<img src="img/sd_img/f75977a6f49b4ea1a504dfcd42e3b8ba.png" /> LIMO DRIVER arrives as you stand outside the studio with Marty draped around your arms. So far, you have done it. You have everything. Marty around your shoulders, a full flask in your pocket, a finished documentary, and now you are going to the Shatfield Castle to solve the whole mystery. You really are Chip Ceasar. LIMO DRIVER rolls down his window and makes eye contact with Marty, then you, LIMO Driver says, "Crazy Mike, I mean, Mr, Shatfield will see you now." "Ok lets do this," You say as you tug on Marty's hand. She let's go. You turn and immidiatly know that you have been double crossed. The dame got you again. She waves by by as the The Limo Driver shoots a tranquilizer dart in your neck. You yell out with all your muster, "You son of a bit.... (drowsy) Oh no... Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building! You collapse. ANGLE ON Limo driving away as Marty waves goodbye, "Goodbye Chester McField." You pass out as the limo drives you away FADE TO: [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/045455fd433f42dbbb1de4cd8e44b16e.png" /> You want to continue the investigation and find the Secret Road to China and break the curse of Winooskiski. But you tell her that you have to go alone. Ofcourse Shrockter begins to cry, so you say he can come along, but that he has to be quiet. You and Shrockter's drive the studio van up the winding driveway to an anciently Chinese built CASTLE. The castle sits atop the highest peak in the county and overlooks the entire city of Winooskiski. The driveway follows the crest of a very steep cliffside and has no guard rails. Lightning and thunger and a storm of rain begins to crash down on the entire scene. As you make your final approach, you notice the limousene parked in front of the Castle round-a-bout and decide to: [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!]] [[Hit the gas, and crash right into the front door!]] [[Stop the van, and tell Shrockter to get out, and sneak up from behind.]] [[Drive up normally and simply knock on the door.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/426d11c6b4aa4171b9589dabdc4822ea.png" /> You step back a bit and tilt your steston hat, strap on your side back, and give Marty a wink. You tell her that you've changed your mind and that your job is done. The documentary is made and you need to move on. You say," Look, Doll Face, even though I'll probably regret helping out a dame like yourself, if you really want to break this curse and get out of this town, I've got two tickets on a plane ride outta here." You show her his two AIRLINE TICKETS. MARTY, "Oh, do you mean it? You shake your head, "Not really. But I've got a shit load of frequent flyer miles." MARTY, "You're such an asshole." You squeeze her tightly, "Bequeath me. You embrace and kiss. Shrockter shows up and FILMS them kissing. SHROCKTER, "Hey guys, say something to the camera, for the next documentary." Marty releases you and wipes her lipstick off of your face. You nod slowly, "I'm taking off, Shrockter, back to the zoo and the orangutan. And if she'll have it, Marty's coming with me, Shrockter. My job here is finished, my friend. There won't be any more documentaries." Shrockter puts the camera down. SHROCKTER, "Ouch. What am I going to do?" You nod, take a deep breath, "Well, Shrockter… Marty exits as you walk toward Shrockter. You slap Shrock on the back, "Your Jedi training is complete." You take off your hat, look at it a moment, then place it on Shrockter's head. You say, "Here, take this. I trust it'll take good care of ya, Shrockter. I know it has me." You stand back and takes a long look at Shrockter. [[CONTINUE|Long Goodbye2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/d89d0bae21f449e1b6c60aa76c31cdfa.png" /> You take one more look at Shrockter and punch him in the shoulder, it hurts him more than it should. You continue and say, "You know, Shrockter, you remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you, perhaps even a little bit older. Shrockter smiles and they hug. You turn and walk away, just as quickly as you came its really time for you to go. "See you on Another adventure, another page out the historic life of Chip Ceasar," you say as you turn and way away into the sunset, never to be seen again. [[Hit Up The Hotel Bar before you sneak away|Continue to Hotel Bar]] [[THE END|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/259ce3d5ba5947c0b2143158e51fe94a.png" /> You now know it's time to leave before shit gets wierd. You pull a French Exit and say you'll be right back, knowing full well you are going to leave out the back door. [[Hit Up The Hotel Bar before you sneak away|Continue to Hotel Bar]] [[Go back inside and walk out the back door]]

<img src="img/sd_img/7a4489ec72524da9a70e7a14eb710bb2.png" /> You go back inside and take one more look at Shrockter and punch him in the shoulder, it hurts him more than it should. You tell him, "You know, Shrockter, you remind me of a young me. Not much younger, mind you, perhaps even a little bit older." Shrockter smiles and they hug. You turn and walk away, just as quickly as you came its really time for you to go, "See you on Another adventure, another page out the historic life of Chip Ceasar," you say as you turn and way away into the sunset, never to be seen again." [[Hit Up The Hotel Bar before you sneak away|Continue to Hotel Bar]] [[THE END|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ac56a04cd6f648198f32297d9998429c.png" /> INT. CHRIS CROSS BAR – CONTINUOUS We SLOW-PAN past many OLD LADIES surrounding the stage. WAYNUS BRADUYS sings them a tune fashioned to: LADIES NIGHT. WAYNUS, "It's old ladies night, and I'm feeling tired, it's been a long night. It's old ladies night. Waynus checks his watch. DJ, "Waynuse Braduys, everyone." WAYNUS, "Good night!" CUE: WARM IT UP KRISIS, BY KRISS KROSS We continue the SLOW-PAN over to Chip sitting down in a booth, watching the stage. Behind Chip sits Billy Bob with FRIENDS and his shotgun. BILLY BOB, "I heard that son of a bitch Chip Ceasar is in town. If I ever find that son of a bitch, and his damn Mendoza Documentary, (cock shotgun) his ass is mine! You hide your face and quickly head for the bar. CHRIS, the bartender, washes down the bar. CHRIS, "Chip Caesar! A Chopin Martini with an olive straight up, I take it." You say, "Keep it down, man." CHRIS, "What? You quit drinking? You say, "Drinkin' quit me, man. Drinking quit me." CHRIS, "I'll get you some milk." We FOLLOW Chris until he is called back by Chip. You yell out, "Hey! (pause) Warm it up, Chris. CHRIS, "I'm about to." STAY on Chris as he pours a glass of milk. A drunken BUM slams into the bar and reaches out his coffee cup. BUM blurts, "Warm it up, Chris!" CHRIS, "That's what I was born to do." [[Continue|Hotel Bar Continue4]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ffcce5305ef445a0b5ae1a207361eeb9.png" /> You swivel around in his bar stool as we MULTI-FOCUS down the bar on the BUM, who is now revealed as Kent Sweetwater in disguise, staring back at you. You face away from the bar, Sweetwater slides to your right, breathing hard, drooling, grunting. SWEETWATER, (look Chip up and down), "Hey! You know, you be looking familiar, man." Not surprised you say, "Yeah, yeah, the Mendoza Documentary, I know." SWEETWATER, "No, no, no, no, no... What about me? Do I look familiar to you? You still don't care, "Sorry, pops, you got the wrong guy." SWEETWATER, "You sure you ain't got any family up an' around here? You spin around in your stool, obviously frustrated, as Chris the bartender delivers his milk. Sweetwater grabs your milk, drinks the whole glass down, slams it on the bar, then points at you. SWEETWATER (CONT'D), "She hurt ya, BAD! I've been hurt before, left at the altar. But you'll find out who you are when it's all over." You swing over and stare at the man, "Look pal. The amount of exposition that's gone on ever since I've arrived to this damn town is overwhelming, alright? The last thing I need is a raisonner." A FRENCHMAN leans in and corrects you. FRENCHMAN, "A RAISONNER." You take a good look at the both of them. "Frenchman? Sweetwater? Is that you?" SWEETWATER, "You're in big trouble, pal!" Sweetwater holds up the FILE. [[Continue|Hotel Bar 5]]

<img src="img/sd_img/23807752bd0c4652a10e2857231500cc.png" /> SWEETWATER smirks at you with pure greed, "This file is going to bring you down, sucker. Panda Jr just put out a bounty of 1 million dollars. And I am going to be the one who finds the secret road to China first, prick whole." You despise Sweetwater, "Screw you and your damn file. I'm Chip Caesar! I conquered the Big Spider. I've discovered rich and rare medicines throughout the Amazon. Glimpsed, with my own two eyes, the golden asteroids. Hell, I won a daytime EMMY! Shit, I can even do a solid Joe Biden. " SWEETWATER, "C'mon man, anybody can do Biden." You smile, "Yeah, well, except Biden." The Frenchman nods in agreement. "True," Suddenly, SHROCKTER pops up from behind the bar, "I KNEW ID FIND YOU HERE!" He scares the bejesus out of you, but you quickly shake it off, "Okay yeah Mr. Vice Storms, you got me. What do you want, Shrockter?" Shrockter keeps yelling, "Sweetwater is here, and he's going to find the Secret Road to China, NOT us Man." Sweetwater, Chip, the bum and the Frenchman at the bar all raise thier hands, say "duhhhhh." "I know Shrockter, what can I do about that now?" you say in disgust. [[Let Shrockter explain]] [[Let Sweetwater have the million, you don't need money.]] [[F That, solve this thing, you want the million bucks!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/699e69b3450e4629afba70c45158297c.png" /> From behind the bar, Shrockter smiles and catches his breath before trying to explain further. SHROCKTER, "I figured you wouldn't want Sweetwater to come here, so I left a message on my Uncle's machine, inviting him up here." You jump off your barstool and slap Shrockter across the face, send a loose tooth flying aross the bar. "You did what?!" SHROCKTER, "I called Panda, I wanted him to see the finished project." You yell at Shrockter, "But it's no good, Shrockter! He'll kill me." You look over Shrockter's shoulder as we MULTI-FOCUS on the Farmer and his Daughter. The Farmer cocks his shotgun. You yell again at Shrockter, "I gotta get the hell out of here." SHROCKTER, "Chip, wait!" You rush out of the back room, plowing over someone. We see you round the corner as the Farmer and Daughter rush after him; Shrockter follows close behind as well, filming everything. [[Run, and Get the Hell Out of There|Gotoend1]] [[Sneak out the back door|Gotoend1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bafc7f00a7d7480bb827d89f36c9a1cc.png" /> You have had enough adventures to last a life time. You are content and happy with all your choices in life. Life is pretty good actually and you just want retire and go back home. You finish your drink and say good luck to Sweetwater. You slap Shrockter on the back one last time and go your own way. You are so happy and content that you decide to walk to the trainstation. On your way down a side street you are suddenly interupted by a FLASH of LIGHT. A UFO decends over your head and a blue light begins to pull you up towards the ship. Just when you thought you had it all figured out, you go and get abducted by aliens. And Trust me, they are not friendly. ALIEN ABDUCTION ENDING [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3038965a745b4dffbf21548db0da8e95.png" /> You jump off your barstool and shrug off the sulking depression that so desperately wants to take you down. You shout out loud, "Shrocck, you are right man! Let's win the whole thing! Call Panda and tell him we are still on the case!" SHROCKTER, "Good, I wanted him to see the finished project and be proud of me." Farmer Billy Bob and Daughter walk by the bar, as he looks for you, cocking his shotgun. You are ready to run, "Ok, let's get the hell outta here!" You turn to Sweetwater and gives him the finger before you: [[Go to the Crazy Mike Shatfield Castle]]

<img src="img/sd_img/855ed8db1df1402391aa7624f12faa7e.png" /> You drive Shrockter's van up the winding driveway to an anciently Chinese built CASTLE. The castle sits atop the highest peak in the county and overlooks the entire city of Winooskiski. The driveway follows the crest of a very steep cliffside and has no guard rails. Lightning and thunger and a storm of rain begins to crash down on the entire scene. As you make your final approach, you notice the limousene parked in front of the Castle round-a-bout and decide to: [[Turn OFF the Van headlights and go for the element of surprise!|endoption2]] [[Hit the gas, and crash right into the front door!|endoption3]] [[Stop the van, and tell Shrockter to get out, and sneak up from behind|endoption4]] [[Drive up normally and simply knock on the door|endoption5]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4d099ce6564f484da4a58767174ae3eb.png" /> You switch OFF the studio Van headlights and subsequently drive right off the cliff. It was a steep cliff with no guard rails. You tumble to your death and die immediatly upon impact. Shrockter suffers, but somehow manages to stay alive, if you call the rest of his life in a wooden wheelchair drinking meals out of a straw, life, then yeah, he made it out okay. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf0470dcc4634d5e94927354bd2b69c9.png" /> Surveying the situation, you get a wild hair up your Chip Caesar arrs, and floor it! Rocks and mud come kicking up everywhere, as you manage to bypass the round-a-bout fountain, barely graze the limousene and head straight for the Castle front door. Shrockter screams, and you notice he is not wearing his seatbelt. Just as you reach the Castle front door, it opens and you hit the breaks, and yank the wheel so the passenger side takes the brunt of the collosion, ulitmately crashing into the massive entryway. You crumple the pasanger side of the van, and bang your head against the steering wheel a few times. Bleeding and dizzy, most likely enduring a severe concussion, you notice that Shrockter is most certainly dead. Before passing out from the trauma, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. CRAZY MIKE yells out, "Search him!" The Limo Driver searches you and finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf0470dcc4634d5e94927354bd2b69c9.png" /> Just as you reach the Castle back door, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. The Back Door OPENS and Crazy Mike Steps through the door. CRAZY MIKE yells out louder than even a loud yell would be,, "He's HERE! Search him!" The Limo Driver comes up from behind, grabs you and searches you. He finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. You say, that's not mine. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, damn you! Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes2]]

<img src="img/sd_img855ed8db1df1402391aa7624f12faa7e.png" /> You are Chip Ceaser, you are not afraid or intimidated by anything. You follow the limo up to the front door and patiently park and walk to the front door. Just as you reach the Castle front door, it opens and you hit the breaks, and yank the wheel so the passenger side takes the brunt of the collosion, ulitmately crashing into the massive entryway. As you approach, you notice the outline of a boy in a wheelchair that can be seen in the shadows from deep within the dark house. CRAZY MIKE steps out of the doorway and yells out, "Search him!" The Limo Driver searches you and finds a FINGER NAIL CLIPPER in your pocket. Crazy Mike looks at his own hand and extends out his pinky, revealing the massivly long fingernail. "Damn you, Chip Caesar, Bring him to me!" [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/6a831558d4a3407a8619f92507f863f5.png" /> INT. CRAZY MIKE'S CHINESE CASTLE The Limo driver walks you into the Castle, revealing Crazy Mike wheeling out of the shadows, painted up as a CHINA DOLL kid, sitting in a wheelchair. CRAZY MIKE (CONT'D), "Welcome to my abode!" You are suprised at the machild, "You're a? You're a? What the hell are you?" CRAZY MIKE, ""You've reached the Southern Oracle my friend. I am Crazy Mike Shatfield. The Key Master to this whole mystery that you were sent here to solve." You shrug your shoulders and pretend not to care. Crazy Mike continues, "I am Crazy Mike Shatfield, But I am not crazy, Chip. And I need your help to prove that." [[Don't listen anymore and just try to solve the mystery right now!]] [[Listen to the dude's story.]] [[Daydream and pretend to listen to the dude's story.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3e6749ded4494d37b7b7a23ec67e8d0e.png" /> You decide to embrace the woman, and hold her tight. This time it's for real. You reach out and squeeze her shoulders, and force eye contact. You look into her eyes, "I'm serious this time. I want to be with you, and spend the rest of my life with you." Marty looks into your eyes, wanting to believe you; but it's hard, very hard for her. "I will take care of you for the rest of your life. And I'll change. No more womanizing. No more day drinking. No more hits of acid on the weekends. I'll leave it all behind for you." Marty does a double take on you... She starts to believe. "I have a kid," She says. "I didn't tell you because I didn't think you were serious. Until now, that is..." She looks away, embarassed; but then looks back at you, opening up for real. "Would you still take me? Take us?" She says with a tear in her eye. You say, [[Hell No! I don't want to deal with some shitty kid.]] [[It's not Shrockter, is it?]] [[Ok, yes. you are willing, because this time it's real.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3e6749ded4494d37b7b7a23ec67e8d0e.png" /> Call it fate, call it luck, call it love, but you You decide to listen to Marty and stay. You want to continue the investigation and find the Secret Road to China and break the curse of Winooskiski. Marty is shocked as you tell her you have grown up a bit and want to listen to everything she has to say. She hugs you and says, "I know you are the one who can break this curse." You shrug it off, "What makes you think I can break this damn curse anyway, Marty? I'm just a man. Are curses even real? Secret road to china's, sasquatch, hillbillys in westernized virgiana?" MARTY, "I think you should Come and listen to what Mike has to say." You are mad, "Mike? You mean Crazy Mike Shatfield? Oh, so he's Mike now." "Yes," she says, "Let's call the Shatfield limosene and have him pick us up." You are a bit surprised that she is speaking about them so friendly like, but maybe she is just being nice with you... You decide to: [[Call the Shatfield Limosene]] [[Go alone, with Shrockter in the Studio Van]] [[Aww, never mind. Your job is done here! Say the Long Goodbye]] [[Aww never mind. Your job is done here! Say the quick Goodbye]]

<img src="img/sd_img/683a6c2f9a0f4551897662c413728469.png" /> "No way," you say with all the brutal ego you have inside your heart. Marty breakds down and cracks, as you see her heart break right in front of your eyes. "Fuck You, Chester!" Marty slaps you as hard as she can, then runs away. You take the slap to the face and let it all sink in. You straighten out your jaw and, [[Hit Up The Hotel Bar before you sulk away|Continue to Hotel Bar]] [[Walk Away For Good|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/fa8b6ff7414c4c16946dbeec537d9904.png" /> "Ha! It's not Shrockter, is it?" You say half joking, half serious. "No. It's not Shrockter. I don't really have a kid, i just wanted to see how you would react." She says with a guilty smile. "Okay you got me. You wanna spend the rest of your life with me?" You say, with a twinkle in your eye. "Yes," she says. "Yes!" You embrace and kiss and celebrate. The Curse breaks. You have found the Love Ending. Everyone Celebrates. Kent Sweetwater finds the Secret Road To China and John Panda Jr gives him 1 million dollars. But you don't care, you have everything a man could dream of. You become an old man and have kids, and die happy. True Love The End [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/fa8b6ff7414c4c16946dbeec537d9904.png" /> You bite the bullet. The Silver Bullet. Yes you would take on a child for this woman. Anything takes you say, as you embrace and actually fall in love. The Curse is broken. You have found the Love Ending. Everyone Celebrates. Kent Sweetwater finds the Secret Road To China and John Panda Jr gives him 1 million dollars. But you don't care, you have everything a man could dream of. True Love You found the True Love Ending and finally retire in Winooski. You become an old man and have kids, and die happy. The End [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/9023bc323b6140ef98a9b30866e8b7da.png" /> You sit in your hotel room and think about what Shrockter just said. You actually don't think his uncle, your Executive Producer, John Panda Jr. will go for your shanagins anymore. You say to Shrockter, "You're right, Fuck it! You got any crack?" "Yes! How did you know I had some?" "Well, you're missing teeth, you stink, and you shake all over the place all of the time. Looks like your the kind of guy who knows where to find some really good crack." "Yes, yes I do." Shrockter says, showing you his small glass crack pipe. "You want some?", Shrockter says, handing you the crack pipe. You say, [[Yes I do! Fuck it man. Let's get wierd.]] [[No I was just joking you freakazoid.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4cc70d1aafa24edf9e24329acad48d0b.png" /> You're not suprised that Shrockter has crack on hand. But you are startled that he actually has crack and a crack pipe in his hand right in front of you. [[Push Shrockter aside, and just start making the Documentary|Begin Doc Gorilla Style]] [[Decide to do CRACK with Shrockter Anyway|Yes I do! Fuck it man. Let's get wierd.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/89f203a9192c4d6ca23bed43b5cb3955.png" /> You and Shrockter go out back, near the dumpsters, and he pulls out his crack pipe. Shrockter lights it up and starts cooking the rock. He hands it to you and toke a big one. Straight gas to the lungs as you open your eyes into a world of bright neon lights and zippidy doo da birds whistling at your every side. You spin around and see several Gorgon reptile men running across the street. You snap back around to look at Shrockter and he also looks like a reptile. You yell, "We got to get out of this Reptile Zoo!" Shrockter spins around then looks back at you as you both burst out in a major laughter fit. Falling to the ground you laugh and cry and experience emotions to the Nth degree. Suddenly, a UFO appears floating aboe you and Shrockter. A Blue Glow absorbs your bodies and you are lifted into the spaceship. You are taken to the Elgonzo System and subjected to a life of House Servantry. Elegant House Servantry. You are lucky. You and Shrockter earn a reputation of being really funny when you argue with one another. They Zorgs watch you as you talk with Shrockter, and laugh and laugh and laugh. The Jokers Wild Ending you have found. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a03ecf2295f74a77b99fe49479a19d00.png" /> You interept the madness and try to solve the mystery like a game of clue: You raise your hand, interrupting everyone, and begins to summarize the situation by saying, "You can drop the charade, Mr. Crazy, I got you all figured out..." [[I couldn't help but notice that there is a flock of messenger pigeons outside that window, and a Buddha statue in the garden|Buddha]] [[I see that there is a single sabot on the shoe rack over there, plus the missing documentary footage is on your desk|Sabot]] [[You have a satellite mobile phone on the kitchen table. Aha! YES, You see, I can already tell that you were the one who killed Falcor and sabotaged the clock tower|Falcor]] [[You were the one who stole the missing documentary footage, and as everyone knows there is no reception in this town, thus you are the one who takes up all the cellphone space|Stolen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf16ff741e564c23adf9da7622ed1ba9.png" /> You take a deep meditative breath and continue to listen to Crazy Mike. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces the closet, turning his back to you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "You are not who you think you are, Chip Ceasar." You put your hands down and just say, "Tell me where The Secret Road to China is, Crazy Mike. CRAZY MIKE, "You are Chester McField." You are stunned and surprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. You are the reason this curse exists, Chip. You!" You take a step back and slightly bump into the Limo Driver's belly. You look around the joint and do some quick thinking. You know are an orphan boy, everyone knows that... but you do carry the exact resemblance of John Shatfield... And you have been dreaming of this place your entire life... It all kinda makes sense now.. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. You try not to laugh and try to think about the Mariners winning the World Series. Yes, that will keep you sad and silent. "You think that's funny do ya?" Crazy Mike says. "Well I will be the one laughing after I make billions in chinese merchandise from this portal straight to Beijing!" Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet.]] [[No, it's too scary.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bf16ff741e564c23adf9da7622ed1ba9.png" /> You take a deep meditative breath and continue to listen to Crazy Mike, all the while imagining waterfalls, and rivers, and springs bubbling to life. Dang now you have to go pee. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces the closet, turning his back to you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "You are not who you think you are, Chip Ceasar." You put your hands down and just say, "Tell me where The Secret Road to China is, Crazy Mike. CRAZY MIKE, "You are Chester McField." You are suprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. You are the reason this curse exists, Chip. You!" You take a step back and slightly bump into the Limo Driver's belly. You look around the joint and do some quick thinking. You know are an orphan boy, everyone knows that... but you do carry the exact resemblance of John Shatfield... And you have been dreaming of this place your entire life... It all kinda makes sense now.. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. You try not to laugh and try to think about the Mariners winning the World Series. Yes, that will keep you sad and silent. "You think that's funny do ya?" Crazy Mike says. "Well I will be the one laughing after I make billions in chinese merchandise from this portal straight to Beijing!" Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet.]] [[No, it's too scary.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/efcf2d4961fa47dab34d8a88618e27ed.png" /> CRAZY MIKE smiles and shows you all the pictures of the Shatfield's that look exactly like you!., "You are the key to the Secret Road to China, Chester McField." You can't believe it, "Chester McField? Is that my real name?" CRAZY MIKE, "Ohhhh YES! You are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. You are the reason this curse exists, Chip. You! " You take a step back and slightly bump into the Limo Driver's belly. You look around the joint and do some quick thinking. You know are an orphan boy, everyone knows that... but you do carry the exact resemblance of John Shatfield... And you have been dreaming of this place your entire life... It all kinda makes sense now.. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet.]] [[No, it's too scary.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0be398b3b0274e9ab3b7da6156f6c565.png" /> You are not intimadeted easily, so you take a step forward and threaten to call the cops if they don't tell you where The Secret Road to China is. CRAZY MIKE smiles, "You are the Secret Road to China, Chester McField." You shake your head in surprise, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man. CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. You are the reason this curse exists, Chip. You!" You take a step back and slightly bump into the Limo Driver's belly. You look around the joint and do some quick thinking. You know are an orphan boy, everyone knows that... but you do carry the exact resemblance of John Shatfield... And you have been dreaming of this place your entire life... It all kinda makes sense now.. Crazy Mike wheels around and faces you. He speaks with a sense of solitude, "Your friend Shrockter was right. I DO posses the Secret Road to China, right here in this closet. You try not to laugh and try to think about the Mariners winning the World Series. Yes, that will keep you sad and silent. "You think that's funny do ya?" Crazy Mike says. "Well I will be the one laughing after I make billions in chinese merchandise from this portal straight to Beijing!" Crazy Mike motions to the closet door, "Go ahead, open it." [[Okay, you're not afraid. Open the Closet.]] [[No, it's too scary.]]

<img src="img/sd_img/154c1c1210ba4c5188f4366c69002437.png" /> You try to take control of the situation and pull out your side arm and attempt to fire it into the air. Unfortunately your gun is a Mendoza and it does not fire. The Limo Driver reacts and pulls out a real gun and shoots you dead. You brought a fake gun to a gun fight and get shot right between the eyes. The Mendosa Documentary Trialer flashes before your mind's eye before you die. INT. STUDIO BLUESCREEN SET – DAY You see the TRAILER to Chip's actioin adventure movie, The Mendosa Replicas Chip's FACE enters the screen, his head turns towards the camera while the acronym M.E.N.D.O.S.A. SUBTITLES ON SCREEN HARD-COPY STYLE. SUBTITLE - "M.E.N.D.O.S.A." A SUPERIMPOSED hand gun appears, ROTATING. CHIP VOICE OVER: M.E.N.D.O.S.A. Mendosa Replicas: Moving Enormous Numbers of Death Outside the Streets of America. PSA Gunshots blare as the trailer fades to BLACK: [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c45b3b9fc8814aca812bdcbdbbd24127.png" /> You open the closet and can't believe your eyes. Behold, The Secret Road To China. A a set of railroad tracks, with a small train cart on it, sits in front of a massive swirling vortex. Inside the small train cart you see that it is filled with tiny dolls, all of which resemble YOU! Little Tiny Chip Ceasar dolls, complete with stetson hat, side bag, old suit coat and empty side arm holster. "You have got to be kidding me," you manage to say outloud. "Nope, you are the key to the entire production my friend. You light a cigarette and nods in approval at himself, "Not bad huh?" CRAZY MIKE, "YES! But you will never live to see the day to solve this mystery, Chester McField." You are surprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. Your presence here is the only way to keep the vortex open at all times." CRAZY MIKE (to Limo driver), "Do IT!!! Push him in! We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver says, "I know, you already said that." He begrudgingly moves towards you and his belly pushes you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" Just before you fall into the vortex, you try to run for it, and Marty appears around the corner. She points a small dillinger gun at your face. "That's not a lighter is it?" You say sarcastically as Marty motions for you to go back towards the closet. [[Continue to the end|Last End 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c45b3b9fc8814aca812bdcbdbbd24127.png" /> It's too late, you have to face your destiny. The Limo Driver open the closet and you can't believe your eyes. Behold, The Secret Road To China. A a set of railroad tracks, with a small train cart on it, sits in front of a massive swirling vortex. Inside the small train cart you see that it is filled with tiny dolls, all of which resemble YOU! Little Chip Ceasar dolls, complete with stetson hat, side bag, old suit coat and empty side arm holster. "You have got to be kidding me," you manage to say outloud. "Nope, you are the key to the entire production my friend. You light a cigarette and nods in approval at himself, "Not bad huh?" CRAZY MIKE, "YES! But you will never live to see the day to solve this mystery, Chester McField." You act surprised, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. Your presence here is the only way to keep the vortex open at all times." CRAZY MIKE motions to the Limo driver and YELLS, "Do IT!!! Push him in! We're going to have to trap Chip in there; it's the only way to keep the Secret Road to China open to us at all times." The Limo driver says, "I know, you already said that." He begrudgingly moves towards you and pushes you towards the vortex. You start to backpedal, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" Just as you try to run for it, Marty appears around the corner and points a small gun at your face. "That's not a lighter is it?" You say sarcastically as Marty motions for you to get into the closet. [[Continue to the end|Last End 1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/c9f234ee9d564dce9ccc38ff5eef20a6.png" /> INT. CRAZY MIKE'S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS Marty keeps the small gun pointed at you as Crazy Mike Continues his discourse. CRAZY MIKE (O/S), "Four generations later the Shatfield's and Mcroys have finally come to an impase." You are sarcastically confused, "For generations, or four generations... the number?" Crazy Mike's eyes light up, crazy style, as he hands Chip one more picture. CRAZY MIKE (CONT'D), "Take a look at this sir. You receive the picture, and then stares at it with childish amazement. INSERT - C.U. OF PICTURE REVEALING A BABY CHIP AND CHIP'S REAL MOTHER AND FATHER. THE RESEMBLANCE IS IDENTICAL! <img src="img/sd_img/d8773eda9d8c416690328419f345cfb2.png" /> You give a CHILDLIKE response, "Papa? Mommy? You stare for a while and then say, "But how did you find me? Nobody knows about me, not even John Panda Jr. himself!" [[Continue|last end 2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ba0af889ea12475698217abbfded9cd9.png" /> CRAZY MIKE motions to Marty and Limo Driver, "And now, Chip, it's time to fulfill the prophecy and unveil the Secret Road To China." Marty nudges you with the gun. MARTY, "Move., asshole. John Panda was a fool to not go in on this. That's why we had to get to you through Shrockter, to break the curse and open The Secret Road to China. Making you our trade offering. A slave for a slave." NEW ANGLE From Chip's RIGHT, the barrel of a GUN slowly comes ON SCREEN and is aimed at Marty's head. PANDA JR (O/S), Hold it right there, lady! WIDE John Panda Jr. comes on screen and is revealed as the new gunman taking over the situation. [[Continue|Last end]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e944a960b9b24e15abb98999019d5870.png" /> Marty and Crazy Mike slowly approaching them, doing the gun-pointing. You shout in confusion towards John Panda JR, "Why didn't you just shoot the bitch? PANDA, "I couldn't." You keep questioning him, "Why not?" PANDA, "It was a Mendoza." You hit yourself in the forehead, "A Mendoza? What the hell are you doing bringing a fake gun to a gun fight?" PANDA, "It's all I could get my hands on." MARTY, "Would you two shut the HELL UP!?!" PANDA, "Hey now, I thought we had a deal?" You look confused, "A deal, what deal?" CRAZY MIKE, "Never trust a doll in a wheelchair; especially, a doll in a wheelchair who has a secret road to China in his back yard." MARTY shouts at you, "And you! I was getting so sick of your sexist, hypocritical, chauvinistic, alcoholic, lazy..." You and Panda stand side by side, hands in the air. You whisper to Panda, "Lazy?" PANDA whispers back, "Yeah, you're a bit lazy." MARTY (O/S), "...idiotic, lying, cheating, ass; so, I slept with Sweetwater, and he told me exactly how to get you to come up here, alone, without the allure of the camera." You are confused as normal, "And what was that?" MARTY, "Oh, how'd he put it, there's nothing Chester McField won't do for a night of snuggle puss?" PANDA, "Sweetwater, that son of a bitch." You cant believe it, "You put him up to this." PANDA, "I sent him to protect you, I swear!" MARTY, "Like Father like Son." PANDA, "I'm not his Dad, I came here to save him because he owes me money." You turn to Panda and shout creating a distraction, "Save me? With a Mendoza? What the hell are you doing with one of those, anyway?" PANDA, "What? I found out about the damn things, I deserve to have one." Crazy Mike aggressively wheels forward. [[Continue|Last End 8]]

<img src="img/sd_img/a7bd583d74dc4db2a1bc59a0541ef533.png" /> You don't move but quietly nod and say to John Panda Jr, "Panda? What the hell are you doing here, you Orangutan?" PANDA, (whispering) "Don't ask." Marty continues to pointing her gun back at them. MARTY, "Yes, Panda. What are you doing here, you double-crossing baboon?" PANDA, "If you swing any closer, I'll kill him. Then none of us will get to monkey around in China." You whisper back to Panda, "What's with all the primate talk?" PANDA, "Don't worry, I got it figured out!" You continue to whisper, "Just shoot her, then!" PANDA (whispering), "I can't." MARTY, "He doesn't have the balls." You yell, "Shoot her!" CRAZY MIKE, "Go ahead. Shoot him." You yell again, "Shoot her!" PANDA, "I'll do it!" O.S.S. GUNSHOT! The gun goes flying out of Panda's hand. We cross cut to see Marty stands besides Crazy Mike with the smoking gun pointed at the two of them. Marty, "Time for you all to die! It's the only way to break this curse and close this horrible portal to hell." [[Continue|Last end 7]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0be398b3b0274e9ab3b7da6156f6c565.png" /> Crazy Mike aggressively wheels forward, "Enough Thomas Foolery! Get in the shaft, the both of ya's!" Marty motions with her gun for the two to get moving. MARTY, "Go on. Move! You heard him." You snipe out at Marty, "So you're hooking it up with the kid in the wheelchair, huh? I never took ya for the pity type." MARTY, "Wrong again, McField. The orangutan and I were going to make millions pirating your documentary on video CD's." You look confused and whisper over to Panda, "What's a video CD?" PANDA, "Well, it's not as good of quality as a DVD, but it offers a greater margin of profit due to the lack of licensing fees." MARTY, "And with open distribution like this, who could stop us! But now you're out, and I'm in!" Marty tosses a Video CD into the Secret Road to China. WE FOLLOW CD INTO THE SECRET ROAD VORTEX: <img src="img/sd_img/6b2796b4d1904e1b9865a59da2d83b88.png" /> VORTEX INTO: INT. CHINESE HUT – LIVING ROOM - CHINA - DAY The Video CD FALLS from the SKY and lands perfectly into a DVD player, as a FAMILY of Chinese people gather around the TV set. TV MONITOR REVEALS: CHINA! SECRET ROAD! a spin-off of the Secret Road to China documentary. A MALE MODEL stars as Chip, fighting NINJAS and GORGONS in the streets of Bangkok. CHINESE NARRATOR (V/O), "CHINA! SECRET ROAD!" The Chinese FAMILY CHEERS! [[Continue|Last End 9]]

<img src="img/sd_img/dc3ae36a805949cb84ff9674793360c2.png" /> The FLASH TRAILER ENDS You are back in Crazy Mike's Castle and you are all stunned at the poor quality and yet funny content of the SVCD "Yeah, I guess that would work," Panda Jr says. Crazy Mike starts to wheel towards you with Limo Guys belly and Marty's gun pointed right in your face. You backpedal, "Look you guys, this doesn't have to go down like this. What's say we all go back inside for some more Kool-Aid?" PANDA, "Yeah, yeah, he's sorry. Real sorry. Me too." The march towards you, guns drawn, it looks like the end of Chip Ceasar and John Panda Jr... CROSS CUT OUTSIDE: <img src="img/sd_img/56d19332b3fb4ade9591d9dfdfbf2312.png" /> From outside the window, we see MINGO McCoy and his crew PUT ON BRASS KNUCKLES and come crashing into the hallway through a small stain glassed window. CRASH RESUME CRAZY MIKE, "Circumcise them!" MINGO, "Die Shatfield!" Mingo runs up behind Crazy Mike and punches him in the back of the head with his brass knuckles. Crazy Mike falls forward onto his wheelchair joystick, sending him flying forward, sweeping up Marty. The gun goes FLYING in the air as Crazy Mike and Marty SPEED past Chip and Panda, and INTO the Secret Road to China. They vanish into the vortex. You shake your head, still mad at Panda, "Man, I still can't believe you brought a Mendoza to a gun fight." Mingo picks up Marty's gun off of the ground. PANDA, " was trying to save your life." You keep arguing, "By threatening her with a Mendoza replica?" PANDA, "They were going to kill you." You nod, "Yeah well, If it wasn't for Mingo over there, (point over to Mingo), --we'd both be dead, trapped in the middle of a void somewhere between Bangkok and coach." Suddenly, Mingo turns the gun on YOU! [[Continue|Last end 10]]

<img src="img/sd_img/469e7bed2d454813a1253daa53053a14.png" /> Mingo's crew join up behind him as Mingo points the tiny gun at the two of you, all the while looking both ways with his super lazy eye. MINGO, "Now, I don't want to have to shoot ya's, being that you're kin and all, but I will." PANDA whispers to you, "Is he talking to you?" You whisper back, "No, I think he's talking to you." Mingo rolls his eyes and points the gun all over the place. PANDA, "No, I think he's talking to you, Chip." You disagree, "I really don't think so. Look, see, he's pointing the gun right at you." MINGO, "Quit that! I'm talking to the both of ya's." Mingo points the gun at You and then Panda then you, back and forth, as he slowly back peddles toward the Secret Road to China. MINGO, "Now we belongs in that coal mine, and you ain't gonna to stop us." Panda, "We're not going to stop you, Mingo." MINGO, "That's my great-great grandpappy (soft) Big Andy McRoy's (normal) Secret Road to China, and we're going! You yell back, "Then go!" Mingo makes a weird face at the two, turns, and runs for the coal mine and JUMPS IN! The McCoy clan follows suit and they all dissapear. [[Continue|Last End 13]]

<<cacheaudio "theme" "sound/ChinaSecretRoad_viola.mp3">> <<audio "theme" play>> <img src="img/sd_img/12546aba277d4d3c9b5387ef931a89bc.png" /> All is quiet inside Crazy Mike's Castle. Panda wraps one arm around your shoulder. PANDA, "Good job son. C'mon, let's get something to eat." You smile, "You buying?" PANDA, "Now don't start!" You and Panda walk away. You laugh, "Alright! I'll buy... Whatchya' in the mood for? PANDA, "I don't know, but suddenly I got the urge for some Chinese." They LAUGH. CIRCLE FADE TO: Several Months later... <img src="img/sd_img/b62e70f02578411da3570e2da5b720f9.png" /> EXT. SKYSCRAPER – DAY (ESTABLISHING) The Panda Industry sign reads: PANDA & CAESAR INDUSTRIES INT. CHIP CAESAR'S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS You sit back in your ergo office chair behind a huge desk. You click the intercom before kicking your feet up on the desk. NANCY (O.S. (filtered) You rang, Mr. Caesar? You light a very oversized cigar, "Nancy, go get Sweetwater on the line. Tell him Chip Caesar's going after those golden asteroids!" Chip tosses a FLYING ONE-SHEET: <img src="img/sd_img/d7e30b9964f244c6a0a1c97ee29067ba.png" /> CHIP CAESAR AND THE GOLDEN ASTEROIDS FADE TO BLACK. THE END [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/154c1c1210ba4c5188f4366c69002437.png" /> You try to take control of the situation and pull out your side arm and attempt to fire it into the air. Unfortunately your gun is a Mendoza and it does not fire. One of Mingo's Men quickly reacts and pulls out a real gun and shoots you dead. You brought a fake gun to a gun fight and get shot right between the eyes. The Mendosa Documentary Trialer you made years ago flashes before your mind's eye before youdie. INT. STUDIO BLUESCREEN SET – DAY You see the TRAILER to Chip's actioin adventure movie, The Mendosa Replicas Chip's FACE enters the screen, his head turns towards the camera while the acronym M.E.N.D.O.S.A. SUBTITLES ON SCREEN HARD-COPY STYLE. SUBTITLE - "M.E.N.D.O.S.A." A SUPERIMPOSED hand gun appears, ROTATING. CHIP VOICE OVER: M.E.N.D.O.S.A. Mendosa Replicas: Moving Enormous Numbers of Death Outside the Streets of America. PSA Gunshots blare as the trailer fades to BLACK: [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/14bfb5b869b6425f9b6d01c42fe3f259.png" /> You go out the backdoor and onto the street corner, only to be stopped by a Limo coming to a screetching halt. Marty rolls the back window down and yells at you, "Chip, get in!" [[Get In the Limo]] [[Just keep running to the train station and get the heck outta here!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/6f5b38103e3e4625ac75705feb9c1236.png" /> You decide to get in the limo. "Ok lets do this," You say as you jump in the limo. You turn and see Crazy Mike's Limo Driver and know immidiatly that you have been double crossed. The dame got you again. Marty smiles and waves good by by as the The Limo Driver shoots a tranquilizer dart in your neck. You quietly shriek, "You son of a bit.... (drowsy) Oh no... Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building! You collapse in the back seat. ANGLE ON Limo driving away as Marty waves goodbye, "Goodbye Chester McField." You pass out as the limo drives you away FADE TO: [[NEXT|WELCOME To Crazy Mikes2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/bafc7f00a7d7480bb827d89f36c9a1cc.png" /> You try to just outrun the situation and run straight to the train station. You take several back streets trying to evade everyone chasing you. You have had enough adventures to last a life time. You are content and happy with all your choices in life. You don't need this crap anymore. On your way down a side street you are suddenly interupted by a FLASH of LIGHT. A UFO decends over your head and a blue light begins to pull you up towards the ship. Just when you thought you were free, you go and get abducted by aliens. And Trust me, they are not friendly. After several months of being probed and tested, you actually gain the respect of the aliens. You make your way up the chain of command and become a trusted space captian. But that is a different story! ALIEN ABDUCTION ENDING [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/88dee00bcb3c4c89a73884f552b3afaf.png" /> You keep researching and reading and checking out Marty as often as possible. Marty drops a pen and bends over. You watch her, and she catches you checking her out. You pretend that she didn't catch you and you quickly start to speak, "Did you know that on the anniversary of the coal mine explosions, a Shatfield would find himself either hanging from a rope or being burned at the stake?" MARTY, "No." You smirk, "It reminds me of the Puritan Law of the time. Burning so called witches at the stake was like a night out at the movies for these people." MARTY, "You think the Shatfield's are witches? You nod, "I can tell you that the people of their time thought that way!" MARTY, "Hmm. I'll search witches on the database. You deadpan and think to yourself, "Hmm, all this talk about sandwiches is getting me hungry." You get up from your table and move closer to look at Marty's computer, leaning over her shoulder. You start to sweet talk a bit, "You have Good ideas. Maybe we'll go get some lunch later, too." Marty looks confused as you point at the monitor, getting closer to Marty. [[Continue|next13]]

<img src="img/sd_img/7390d6e36dc24ba0ab1712a6ea187c3b.png" /> Some people like to write. Some people like to read. Some people like to PLAY! And that's what this is, and that's who you are: A Player! You will begin a detective style story and have the chance to make love, solve mysteries, break ancient curses, party, make movies, meet crazy people, and die in a lot of crazy ways. Try to find all the deaths and the ultimate ending. All you have to do is read and choose. You are the main character. No judgments, just adventure and fun. So go buck wild or play it straight, it's up to you! [[BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY!|Start]]

<img src="img/sd_img/b6bfa95cead84b60885b1b98a3e2d7af.png" /> SHROCKTER tries to explain further, but he doesn't communicate too well, "We suspect it's from the Chinese slaves who died in the mines, years ago, but no one knows for sure." Frustrated but trying to understand, you quip back, "Look Shrockter, No one really knows whether or not curses even exist in the first place." SHROCKTER yells, "I do! I told you, it's all back at the studio." Surrendering the point for the moment, you tell Shrockter to, "Point me in the right direction, then, Shrockter, we're gonna wrap this thing up faster than taking a dump when you don't have to wipe or flush." Shrockter does not take well to metaphors about poop and gets nauseous, then pukes out window. [[Go Back to Shrockter's Studio, and begin the investigation]] Or you move on and You decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by Hitting the streets]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/1f59055de3864100951606a2bb233c3d.png" /> Drinking on a Train is comfy. Scotch, scotch, scotch, you love scotch. It's nice to have your own sleeper car, you think to yourself. You drink and pass out anytime you want. Aww yes, the perks of being famous... well infamous. You admire yourself and think that you are even better than Indy Jonesy, Bruisy Campbell, Billsy Murrsy, Adonis Murphsy, Shigotsi Hawsogowski, Burnalder Schwartz, and others like that. Those guys are cool, and so are you. Even Cooler maybe... maybe. Another swig... sleepy eyes start to creep up on you as you, [[Take one last pull from your last glass of Papsy|Continueinster3]] [[Sleepytime|Continueinster3]]

<img src="img/sd_img/0cadb3903016408e91eb83c84c9d8026.png" /> You MUST check out your old Movie Posters, they are so choice! [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA AND THE PANDA BEAR.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE WORLD.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: JOHN PANDA JR. SAVES THE UNIVERSE.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR VS THE LO-CARB DIET.]] [[PANDA STUDIOS PRESENTS: CHIP CAESAR IS MY LITTLE PONY.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE MAN; CHIP CAESAR THE SAINT.]] [[CHIP CAESAR THE ANTHRO PROLO PHOTOGRAPHIST.]] [[CHIP CAESAR AND THE MENDOSA REPLICAS.]] [[CHIP CAESAR VS THE BIG SPIDER.]] It feels good to remember how great you are, doesn't it? [[You have alread seen the posters|AwakeChoice1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/adfcfab7029a4e478b20191df25bfdd7.png" /> You sleep. You forget about all your worries and finally get some real rest. It's been a long time since you've slept without a care in the world. Somehow you know everything will be okay. Even if you have to solve the mystery to the Secret Road to China. Even IF the world depended on you. Even if the whole world was about to change the second this train comes to stop in Winooski, WA. You will rest, and you will win. [[NEXT]]

<img src="img/sd_img/29ddb98be8c94110880973c215c8bbe5.png" /> You are dumbfounded with disbelief, not to mention the horribly abrupt smell of Shrockter's breath stings your ears, eyes, nose and throat. The smell of Shrockter's presence is like that of a swamp monster that follows him around everywhere he goes. <img src="img/sd_img/7f85726f540d428ba52e0be49f26d918.png" /> You continue to yell at Shrockter for his insolence.. "What is this??? The Futures Back 2 here, Shrockter? What is this, a robot holocaust here? What is this, the Twilight Zone? What is this, Willzy Wonksy's chamber of commerce here? What is this? What is this? Crazy City USA? (beat) Just because your clock tower doesn't work, Shrockter, doesn't necessarily mean that time stands still around here." SHROCKTER nods his head frantically, "Oh yes it does." You show Shrockter your watch, "No, it doesn't! SHROCKTER, "Yeah, it does. You say, "No, it doesn't! SHROCKTER, "Yeah, it does. You say, "Shrockter, does my watch still work? Cut Shot INSERT - YOUR WATCH TICKING. RESUME You continue, "Does that clock over in that resteraunt still work? INSERT - Resteraunt CLOCK TICKING. RESUME You continue your rant, "That clock! It still works... Maybe it's you that doesn't work, Shrockter. You don't work. You don't work, Shrockter!" SHROCKTER takes a deep breath, "...I think I'm having an aneurism." [[CONTINUE|Next11]]

<img src="img/sd_img/cdff13b258a44c7c80a0c843d8a07e2c.png" /> Good idea. Sometimes, taking a breath, even if it is full of smoke can help you not hurt others. You calm down and quietly tell Shrockter that, "Just because your clock tower doesn't work, Shrockter, doesn't necessarily mean that time stands still around here." SHROCKTER nods his head frantically, "Oh yes it does." You show Shrockter your watch, "No, it doesn't!" SHROCKTER, "Yeah, it does." You say, "No, it doesn't!" SHROCKTER, "Yeah, it does." You say, "Shrockter, does my watch still work?" INSERT - YOUR WATCH TICKING You continue, "Does that clock over in that resteraunt still work?" INSERT - A Resteraunt CLOCK TICKING. You continue your rant, "That clock! It still works... Maybe it's you that doesn't work, Shrockter. You don't work. You don't work, Shrockter!" SHROCKTER takes a deep breath, "...I think I'm having an aneurism." [[CONTINUE|Next11]]

<img src="img/sd_img/42ebecfae18f49a39e28e765f17571d6.png" /> You turn to look at Shrockter and ask for a cigarette. Suddenly, just as you turn around, A LIMO peels around the corner and OUT of sight, forcing many PIGEONS to fly off the CLOCK TOWER. The limo almost hits you as it turns around the corner. You deadpan at the Clock Tower, then at the limo, then at Shrockter. You pull out a long pipe and start to puff away. Marty approaches you from behind, and startles you. MARTY, "What ya' lookin' at?" You snap a look back at Marty. "What do ya' mean? There's no pigeons around here!" She doesn't get it. You move on and decide to: [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ef0b6049103e4cdf886222e8bb28a778.png" /> You drop everything, turn around and run for it. Everyone just kind of stares at you as you proceed to steal the coolest most fastest car you can find. You consider yourself a character in the grandest theftest III and try to get as many police stars as possible. You end up finding all the hidden packages, completing all the missions and end up dying several times. No one ever really hears from you again. Some say Shrockter came looking for you a few times, but didn't make it very far out Winooski... curse and all. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a beer, regular old red white and blue lager. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You chug the beer and start to relax. You look over at Shrockter singing. Shrockter touches himself as he sings, and it disgusts you. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a whiskey, Top Shelf, Papsy VanKinkles, neat of course. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You start to relax and looks over at Shrockter singing. Shrockter touches himself as he sings. It almost makes you puke. Not sure if its the whiskey or the sounds coming out of Shrockter's mouth. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a wine, red or white doesn't really matter to you, you just feel like being a lightwieght tonight. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You start to relax and looks over at Shrockter singing. Shrockter touches himself as he sings. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a water tonight. Probably need to order a cranberry juice as well. Your pee is just not right these days. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You start to relax and looks over at Shrockter singing. Shrockter touches himself as he sings. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> TEQUILLA SHOTS BABY. You plan on getting wasted tonight. Black out wasted most likely. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You take your shot and start to relax and look over at Shrockter singing. Shrockter touches himself as he sings. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a Chopin Martini with an olive, straight up. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You take a sip and start to relax. You looks over at Shrockter singing. It's disgusting to see Shrockter touch himself as he sings. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/12903e03317141c3b583f704e4c3e8f1.png" /> You order a margaritta, with all the trappings, umbrella, pinapples, limes, sugar, salt, the whole nine. MARTY sits down at the bar next to you and tries to strike up some small talk. "Everything going ok, Mr Ceasar." "Please," you say, "Call me, Chip." "Okay Chip, is that your real name by the way, Chip Ceasar?" She asks. Not wanting to disclose undue information about yourself, you immediatly change the subject. You take a sip and start to relax. Youlook over at Shrockter singing. It's disgusting to Shrockter touch himself as he sings. You ask marty, "What about Shrockter here, how'd you hook it up with a guy like him? MARTY smiles,, "Ironically, we met because of you." [[Show genuine interest and Inquire as to how that was possible]] [[Change the subject and tell Marty she is ravishingly beautiful]] [[Daydream and Pretend to listen]]

<img src="img/sd_img/361c2eaa7a5341438fd527d9c5a64564.png" /> INT. SHATFIELD LIBRARY - DAY Marty walks through aisles of books looking as beautiful as ever. Eventually she waves you over to look at some old microfiche consisting of the Shatfield's and McRoy's during the time when the Chinese slaves were trapped in the coal mine. WE CUT TO: INSERT MICROFICHE REVEALING PICTURES OF: PEOPLE BEING LYNCHED, HUNG ON BURNING CROSSES, PICTURES OF THE CLOCK TOWER, THE COAL MINE, ETC. <img src="img/sd_img/e0dd3c6555a44c6c9a960ae8be2fcdb5.png" /> <img src="img/sd_img/3e405a480bc7416cb7f475b5be310a28.png" /> <img src="img/sd_img/6e83b69408de4e03ac9f80178dc058a9.png" /> Chinese slaves entering the coal mine and other historical documents reveal a very tragic past to the city of Winooskiski. Old people have done some very bad things that have been buried deep in the past. SUDDEN CUT TO: SHOTS OF CHIP AND MARTY'S CONVERSATION THROUGH THE BOOKSHELVES AND AROUND CORNERS, AS IF SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. [[CONTINUE|libjump1]]

<img src="img/sd_img/e1dffee7a3bd477a88b8fa4f49318a9e.png" /> You light a cigarette and nod at yourself in approval, "You and your family are the reason this place is cursed. Now show me The Secret Road to China or else. CRAZY MIKE, "Or else what, Chester McField. You smirk, "Chester McField? What's that supposed to mean? I'm Chip Ceaser man." CRAZY MIKE, "No, you are Chester McField. The orphan boy with the mixed genes of the Shatfield's and McRoys. You are the bastard child who holds the key to the Secret Road To China. You are the reason this curse exists, Chip. You! " You are an orphan boy... and you do carry the exact resemblance of John Shatfield... And you have been dreaming of this place your entire life... It all makes sense now.. You are the answer to the Secret Road To China. So you reach out and, [[Embrace Crazy Mike as one of your own]] [[Deny it, and threaten to call the cops]] [[Pull your gun and run for it!]]

<img src="img/sd_img/f990c39e316b4317a9c4cb1f5324d41b.png" /> Marty is obviously startled at the sounds of books falling from around the corner. But you don't care and keep moving in for the kiss, "Don't worry baby, It's probably just Shrockter." Marty pushes you back a bit. You turn and look towards the bookcases. You are not scared and say, "Shrockter, is that you?" CUT TO: THE SHOT FROM BEHIND THE BOOKCASE. revealing human movement. You calmly smile and say, "Come on out of there, Shrockter, I'm not mad at you anymore." You approache the bookcase as Mingo suddenly jumps out and runs for the back door. You yell, "It's Mingo McRoy!" Marty jumps to her feet. MARTY, "Well... Go get him!" You take a minute to think [[Chase After Mingo McRoy!]] [[You have already encountered Mingo, stay and kiss]] [[You have already encountered Mingo, go back to the hotel and think|You understand and are ready to go to the hotel]]

YOU DREAM OF A SWIRLING VORTEX: <img src="img/sd_img/a616dcfe28b5463ca6ef28305c6b2d14.png" /> The Vortex fades into the memories of a distant past; 1894 to be exact, when the world was rough and tumble and booming with the peaks of the Industrial Revolution. Set outside the mouth of a coal mine, The Shatfield Coal Mine signpost has been pounded into the groud, embossed with an image of a skull and crossbones, warning everyone who dares to enter. Widening your gaze, you see numerous SHATFIELD FAMILY members picnicing around the mouth of the COAL MINE, as rows and rows of CHINESE SLAVES file IN and OUT of the mine itself. [[Continue to Dream Backstory|start2]] [[Go Into Deep Sleep, skip ahead, and wake up in Winooski, WA|NEXT]]

<img src="img/sd_img/733ae539ea0c4f739e7d883f22915e4b.png" /> You flip open the laptop and login to the Panda Industries portal. Technology these days, you sit back and ponder. A couple of clicks and your LIVE. On the otherside of the video-conference, John Panda Jr. sits at his oversized desk talking on the phone, sharpening pencils down to the nub, smoking exra long cigs, drinking several cups of assorted beverages, and eating a variety of steaks and cakes. [[Say Hi|Panda Industries Story]] [[Announce Yourself LOUDLY|Panda Industries Story]] [[Skip all the pleasantries and just sleep until you arrive in Winooski]]

<img src="img/sd_img/4d099ce6564f484da4a58767174ae3eb.png" /> You should have listend to Shrockter and NOT let him drive, EVER! Waaaay too many honkey honks for him to drive safely. He drives you both off a cliff and you die. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/22f9e7e8a4b0475c8f2c5687f4afbac0.png" /> You go for the Euro Kiss hello and MARTY is taken back with your bravado, or at least you think she is turned on. Marty says, "Oh, okay, umm, well, I'm Marty Campbell and I see that you've met Jason Shrockter." You reply, "Nice to meet you, miss Marty Campbell. Would you like to come upstairs and check out my studio? Marty frowns, "What do you mean? That's MY studio." You retort sarcastically, "Oh okay, yeah and Shrockter here doesn't wear a toupee. Shrockter swears, "But I don't wear a toupee!" You roll your eyes, "Oh, sure you don't wear a toupee, Shrock. Sure you don't." You turn and bow towards the beautiful woman. "After you then, sweetheart." [[NEXT|next6]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3dd800caa03843b6bcd556f053ebe415.png" /> You sit back into your bar stool and sip on your Vodka Tonic, Double Lime and Lemon, it's your favorite. You immediatly ask for another, and then another. You didn't always drink like this… But the non-stop pursuit for fortune and glory takes a toll on a man. You light up a cigarette when the bartender yells at you, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" You: [[Put the cigarette away and return to the pasanger car]] [[Continue to smoke anyway, who does this guy think he is?]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]]

<img src="img/sd_img/3dd800caa03843b6bcd556f053ebe415.png" /> You drink water. Your tummy hurts from the night before and you need to hydrate. You immediatly ask for another, and then another. You light up a cigarette when the bartender yells at you, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" So you: [[Put the cigarette away and return to the pasanger car]] [[Continue to smoke anyway, who does this guy think he is?]] [[Step off the train to have a smoke]] [[Go Get Your Laptop]] [[Open Manilla Envelope]] [[Cruise the Passenger car for Chicks]]

<img src="img/sd_img/84a0295cbb0d44379848c026003c6aff.png" /> Ok yes, even fictional characters have to go to the bathroom. When was the last time you saw a character stop all the action to use the bathroom? Ever seen that in a movie, or a book, or even a documentary? Now that's real cinema verite. [[Okay, now you can yell at the Kid following you|NEXT2]]

<img src="img/sd_img/ef0b6049103e4cdf886222e8bb28a778.png" /> You pull another U-Turn and hit the highway. You drive South, 24 hours to Vegas from Winooski, WA. Shrockter had a bag of weed on him and you both have a great time. No one ever really hears from you again. Some say Shrockter became a professional blackjack player, but you burn out hard with Nicola Crage. You live out your fantasies as a full blown drunkin' - gamblin' degenerate. It's everything you dreamed of, but doesn't last very long. You end up dead on the side of the Vegas strip. It only took a few years before you lost everything, and began to sell your body parts to the Cartel. Pretty hard to drink and party without a liver. [[Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/42ebecfae18f49a39e28e765f17571d6.png" /> Winooski, WA is a beautiful town with lots of old town appeal. It has lights, and shops, and bars, and restaurants, and everything you could ever want. But the people are odd, and almost everyone believes the town is cursed. No one wants to leave, but they also know deep down that they can't. It doesn't blow you away to find a place like this, but you are starting to see why people think the way they do. Nobody knows anything about any Secret Road To China and just move on like NPC's in a marix of smalltown normalcy. [[Ask Shrockter what the Documentary was all about again?]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Shatfield Museum]] [[Continue the Documentary by going to the Clock Tower]] [[Take a break from work and go to The Chriss Cross Bar]]

<img src="img/sd_img/justin.jpg" /> Justin Edward George Foy (commonly known as Foy Boy), was a Stand-Up Comedian at the age of 15, started a small town comedy skit show at the age of 16, wrote several feature length screenplays by the age of 19, graduated from Washington State University with a B.A. in Communications at the age of 25, Produced, Directed, and Acted in several feature length movies and documentaries by the age of 30, and then became a real boy by getting a real job and becoming a husband and father of two little girls by the age of 40. And now, Foy Boy is converting everything he has ever written into these fantastical Interactive Digital Fiction Games via The Metabrary (A Library of Interactive Digital Fiction) found here: <a href="https://themetabrary.com">The Metabrary</a> There are many more Chip Ceasar stories to come, and several more types of interactive fiction games to be produced. Stay tuned and enjoy the greatest tale Foy Boy has ever written: [[Chip Ceasar and The Secret Road To China|Title Page]]

<img src="img/sd_img/49f3ed81d23343aa801ab88512c9f5fc.png" /> "Baby," you say, "It's cold outside." "I really can't stay," she responds on que. "Baby, it's cold outside," you say again. "I've got to go away," she says with a sigh. "Baby, it's cold outside." You say as the little sing song game comes to an end. You recognise it's time to go so you, [[Order another round of drinks before calling it a night]] [[Take her by the hand, and lead her out of the bar]]